Raising Kids -- Not Your Voice

"You're not gonna tell me what to do!"

"Yes I am!  I'm the parent, and you'll do as you're told!  Now get in there and clean your room!"

"You are not the boss of me; you're not even my mom!"  (Often used in blended families).

I would imagine most parents have been in similar situations one way or another.  And knew the stress and heartache such an attitude produces in the home.  The fighting, bickering, dragging the feet in compliance.  A parent's weary heart.  Feelings of failure and seeing no way off the merry-go-round of yelling, demanding, threats of punishment, and a child who goes his own way in spite of it all.  Out-of-control behavior.

I'm reminded of Kevin Lehman's book "Have a New Kid by Friday" that teaches parents how to properly train their children in a godly way.  How to let them suffer the consequences of their own choices.  The child soon learns that his choices affect his life if the parents "stick to their guns" and refuse to bail them out.

For example, Suzie is to have her science project done by Monday, but despite her parents' promptings, has spent her weekend reading an exciting new book instead.  Sunday afternoon, the parent asks if Suzie has done her project.  Now Suzie panics and begs for her parents' help.  (Which means she really wants them to do the work for her). 

The parent has two choices here: try to save the good family name by giving in (rescuing her), doing most of the project for her, or refuse to let her control them, and let their daughter get an "F". 

Choices have consequences.

Here's a YouTube video link to hear Kevin give an overview of a seminar on how to have a new kid in 5 days.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJWlHywSKA0

If you don't have Kevin's book mentioned here, I would encourage you to do yourself a favor and get it.  You'll be glad you did.  The same principles work for teenagers.

A prayer from my heart: "Father God, I speak Your blessing over every parent reading this blog.  Help them be godly parents, give them courage, strength and unity as a couple.  Give them humility to be taught by You and to make changes in their home that please You.  May they be "God pleasers" and not "children pleasers".   I pray that their children shall be obedient, respectful, kind and pleasant.  And I pray Your order, Your peace upon their home, in Jesus' Name."


P.S.  I intended to write this post on a slightly different subject, but this is what came out instead. :o)

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

A Father's Blessing

Besides the touch of God Himself on a child's life, there is nothing more powerful than the touch of a father's hand on the head of his child as he invokes a blessing upon that life.

Just as an attorney prepares a will for us to leave an inheritance to our children, so father's need to learn to bless their children and leave them an inheritance, a legacy of love, acceptance, and affirmation. 

Jesus had a lot to say about children in Scripture.  To quote Matthew 18: 3-6, Jesus said "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."  And again in verse 10 He continues, "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.  For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."  The apostle Paul, writing for the Lord, declares in Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

I believe it's the work of the devil to have Fathers marginalized in the home, absent from the home, stressed out by work, etc, so children are not given much thought.  Considered to be a bother.  Silenced for reasons other than proper correction.  Exploited.  Trivialized.  Ignored and overlooked, even if they are crying for attention.  If satan can get our young children to feel devalued, angry, depressed and hopeless, he can control the next generation.  We can't afford to let that happen on our watch.

Here's what I pray will begin in Christian homes in America and all around the world:  the biblical practice of blessing one's chilren!  Noah, Abraham, Jacob, and others show the godly pattern of blessing their children.  But I love the example Jesus set by taking the little children up in his arms and blessing them one by one.  I believe He modeled for those men standing around Him how to bless their children.

There are different ways to bless your children, such as an arm over the shoulder or a hug if they're disappointed or fearful, a pat on the back or a steadying hand, a whisper of assurance or instruction in the ear, kiss on the cheek, or tucking them snugly into bed at night.  But the most powerful way to bless your children is to speak words of blessing over them. 

Numbers 6:24-26 is a powerful blessing known as the Aaronic blessing.  Aaron the priest was to speak these words over the Israelites every day.  I love the way the One New Man Bible (a work by a Messianic Jew over a period of 20-some years) puts a strong emphasis on what the Lord will do.  I quote it here:  "The Lord will bless you and He will keep you.  The Lord will make His face to shine upon you and He will be gracious to you.  The Lord will lift His countenance to you and He will establish shalom for you."

Fathers especially need to make it a point to declare over their children words that compliment, approve, words that speak love and affection, words that give hope and self-confidence, words of faith and support when they suffer pain and disappointment.  Share the truths of God's Word with them, let them hear your testimonies of what God has done in your life.  That will bless them, too. 

"Father God, give fathers a heart turned toward their children, and give children a heart toward their fathers.  Amen."

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

We mothers have a high calling.  My husband says to care for and raise godly children is the highest calling anyone can have.  To be kind to God's little treasures.  Children are often looked upon as a bother, an inconvenience to parents and adults in general.  Far too many are marginalized, told to be seen and not heard.  Words that make children feel devalued hurt deeply and can scar their souls for life if not for the intervention of Jesus.

Jesus elevated the value and worth of little children and had great tenderness and love for them.  Mark 10:13-16 in the Amplified Bible shows His heart for children as He was talking about marriage and divorce.  I believe it was the mothers in that crowd who brought their children to Jesus to be blessed.

"And they kept bringing young children to Him that He might touch them, and the disciples were reproving them for it.  But when Jesus saw it, He was indignant and pained and said to them, 'Allow the children to come to Me -- do not forbid or prevent or hinder them -- for to such belongs the kingdom of God.

"Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive and accept and welcome the kingdom of God like a little child does, positively shall not enter it at all.

"And He took them [the children] up one by one in His arms and fervently invoked a blessing, placing His hands on them."

I picture Jesus smiling at each child as he picks them up into His arms one by one.  This shows He gave each one individual attention and a personal blessing.  Pronouncing a blessing was a very important thing in the Jewish community of God's people, and I submit to you we would do well to follow Jesus' example and get back to blessing our children.

It displeases me and my husband that the titles Homemaker and Mother do not have the high preemenience in our society anymore.  The truth is that "as goes the home, so goes the nation".  Because kids grow up and become adults, the way you raise your children creates our society and our cultural values.  What you model for them is what they will model to their children.  Children live what they learn.

I love the poem by William Ross Wallace of 1865 titled "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World".  I encourage you to go to the link here and read it.
http://theotherpages.org/poems/wallace1.html 

Mothers, arise, and see your children through different eyes!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

The Homemaker

As a former mother of small children, I can remember feeling small and insignificant compared to those women who "worked" and brought home some big bucks.  Women who were important.  I felt that way because of magazine articles and novels I read, TV shows I watched.  Women's Lib was everywhere.  To me, it seemed they had it all -- a paradise lifestyle.

I dedicate the following poem to all the stay-at-home mothers out there who at times feel "less-than".


           The Homemaker

"I don't work outside the home,"
I answered in reply
To one who asked me if I worked.
Her eyes reflected, "Why?"

I turned to go, ashamed to speak
With one so worldly-wise.
What could I have in common with
A gal from paradise?

With lowered eyes I felt a blush
Creep up across my cheek.
Dishes, laundry, packing lunch
Were memories of my week.

Little kids with grimy face,
Smears of jelly on my door,
Cooking, cleaning, changing sheets --
My life held no allure.

In my car and headed home
With tears that filled my eyes,
God whispered to my fragile soul,
"You're My girl from Paradise!"

           By Elaine Beachy
           January 10, 2012

We mothers will do well to remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:40: "As you have done to one of the least of these, you have done it to Me." 

Applying Hebrews 6:10  (NKJ) to mothering, we can read, "For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the children, and do minister."

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Clogs

Ah yes, Liquid Plummr, Draino, a plunger, a snake -- all tools of the trade for do-it-yourselfers when it comes to unclogging a drain.  Or you may need Roto-Rooter.  One thing I've learned as a homemaker over the years is to never put grease down a drain.  Kind of like not putting grease into your veins and arteries.  (Actually though, I've read reports that show stress has a lot more to do with high cholesterol than diet does!)

From traffic jams, plugged toilets, clogged drains, veins and arteries, we move on to clogged families.  What do I mean by a clogged family?  A family that has little, if any communication, interaction, or friendship.  A family where pride has swelled and plugged pipes that once were open and are now tightly closed because of offense. 

Just like grease poured down a kitchen sink drain, a harsh word here and there gets poured into the family pipe and doesn't get healed.  Grease that's poured down the drain time after time because it's more convenient than taking a paper towel and wiping out the appliance, begins to build up and harden inside the pipes.  Same with a family.  Treating each other badly has consequences, and unless God's "roto-rooter" of humility and repentance is used, the family drain will be plugged.  Coldness will cause the pipes to burst, and the family to disintegrate.

Divorces begin with thoughts, then words, then deeds.  How many know you can talk to yourself without saying a word?  This "grease" is just as deadly.  Thoughts and self-talk indulged in long enough will result in action -- good or bad.  If a marriage partner doesn't use God's "roto-rooter" on thoughts of attraction to someone other than their mate, those thoughts will fill in the pipe that used to connect them to each other.

As I sit here today writing this blog, I am reminded of an incident years ago when my children were small.  My life seemed quite mundane and my husband was off to his exciting work-day world, so I became addicted to watching soap operas when the kids were in school.  I would plan to have all my work completed for the day by the time the first Soaps came on, and I would sit glued to the TV until my kids came home several hours later.  I only remember the name of one soap -- "Days of Our Lives". 

One day I became aware of a thought my mind: "having an affair wouldn't be so bad".  I was shocked that I would even think such a thing, and immediately it seemed God drew back a curtain on my life and let me see what would happen if I continued on with this thought.  I was horrified and very frightened at the thought of my family disintegrating, of all being lost.  I jumped up from the couch, turned off that TV, and have not watched a single soap opera to this day.

I share this very personal incident because I want to warn others who may be sucked in to temptation by what they watch on TV. Don't clog your life with these worthless shows that draw you away from what is right.  Choose Christian programming or wholesome family movies.  Spend time planning fun activities for your family and spend time with your husband and kids.  Spend time in prayer and reading the Bible.  Become a person who follows hard after God, and you will be rewarded with a joy-filled, clog-free life.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Squeaks

No, I'm not talking about a furry mouse in your house or the sound of your cat's favorite squeak toy.

A few weeks ago, after fifteen years of slumber, my old Electrolux cannister vacuum cleaner was resurrected from the garage.  My husband ordered a new hose for it, and I eagerly awaited its arrival so I could use it instead of my more cumbersome upright.

The day arrived when we were ready to roll.  All but one wheel, that is.  I had forgotten about that annoying screech it used to make as I pulled it from one area to another when I vacuumed. That, besides the busted beater bar and hose were the reasons it was banished to the garage in the first place.  It was only used to vac out the car once in a while.

Thank God for 3-In-One oil!  I enjoyed an "ahh-h" moment after the oil was applied, and I was on my way to happy vacuuming. 

The name of that oil reminded me of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpas and grandmas all need the soothing, lubricating oil of the Holy Spirit from time to time, don't we?  It's especially easy for parents and children in the home to run on a squeaky wheel of complaining, bickering, nagging, discontentment, anger and contention.  Unless some spiritual oil is applied, the family unit is in big trouble.

God is love.  And the Holy Spirit is described in the Bible as oil. (Psalm 45:7)  Therefore, God's oil is love!

Parents can have a spirit of heaviness, sadness, mourning, or depressed feelings.  Psalm 23:5 says that the Lord, our Shepherd, anoints our heads with oil.  Isaiah 61:3 tells us that God gives us the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

Even a child can feel despair, and needs the oil of gladness.  They need to know they are wanted in a family, that they have a place of value where they belong.  My heart bleeds for children who feel unloved and unwanted, who feel worthless, who are told they will never amount to anything, who are pushed and shoved around and belittled.

I feel called by God to write books for children to help them and their parents relate better to one another.  I want to model, through my writing, a loving godly home and fun for my readers.

Our homes desperately need the oil of the Holy Spirit.  Psalm 133:1-3 (NIV) says, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!  It is like precious oil poured on the head. . .  and there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore."

Need some oil in your family unit?  I encourage fathers to take the leadership and read I Corinthians 13:4-7 with your family and then pray together.  I believe the Holy Spirit will begin a work of humility, repentance, forgiveness and love in your family.  The power of God is in His Word to apply His oil to those squeaky places.

"Love is patiend, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.  It is  not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does  not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres."  I Cor. 13:4-7

God bless your family with life forevermore!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Leaks

Last summer I opened the cabinet doors under my sink to get a trash bag and noticed the box was soaked halfway to the top.  In consternation, I talked out loud to myself as I quickly removed all the items stored there.  What a mess!

There were rust rings from metal cans and the floor material of the cabinet was swelling and buckling.  I wiped it dry then used the hair dryer to speed complete drying.  I went to WalMart and purchased several small plastic rectangle containers and put the items into them.

That evening my husband found the cause of the leak and repaired it.  The spray attachment in the faucet had worked loose, so every time I used it, water ran down the hose and dripped into the bottom.  I don't know how long this had been going on before I became aware of it.

There are all kinds of leaks that can happen in a house: the toilet, the roof, the windows, the foundation, and water pipes.  Repairing damage done by leaks can be very costly.

People leak too, affecting family and home life. 

• Leaky lips betray a confidence, and friendships shatter.
• Like a toilet tank, our love tank can leak because we allow a spirit of offense to siphon it out.  Allowing our love to grow cold toward others because we're offended drains our love tank.
• Bad-mouthing our mate (or others) in public or private is a major leaky lips problem.  God's Word says "Speak evil of no man", Titus 3:2 (KJV). 
• Leaky lips also talk too much -- sometimes about oneself, sometimes in gossip about others.
• Leaky lips come from careless and undisciplined thoughts.  "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." Luke 6:45 (NIV)
• Complaining and contention come from leaky lips.  It's like the annoying drip, drip, drip of a faucet.  Proverbs 27:15 (NIV) says "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand."  I think guys do this too, but from my observation I think women tend to be more prone to it.

I think of that prayer I frequently pray in Psalm 19:14 (NIV):  "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

I think of Matthew 18:15 (NIV):  "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

Having just come through the Christmas season, I'm reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and how she guarded her lips.  Luke 2:19 records Mary's reaction to all the attention and miraculous happenings surrounding Jesus' birth.  "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  No wonder God chose her to be the mother of Jesus our Savior!  Her mouth didn't leak.

Home maintenance requires effort.  Our personal and spiritual lives do, too.  "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips."  Psalm 141:3 (NIV)  For all of us I pray a leak-free 2012!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy