Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Dating Then and Now



This Simply Said design is in our bedroom


Our culture sure is different now from what it was when my husband and I were dating.  For one thing, both of were raised in a Mennonite culture where we didn’t have television or go to the movies, or even go bowling or play pool for that matter.  Dave’s and my parents were both farmers, so we knew the value of hard work and were kept busy.  

Dave and I started casual dating when we were 17, and then when he was 19, he went into Voluntary Service for two years.  I saw him only once during that time when he came home for a visit.  Mom and Dad told me I couldn’t get married before I was 21, and I think that’s a very good idea.  When I was young, it was very rare for a couple to break up after they started dating, because we took dating seriously and believed you only chose someone to date whom you’d wish to marry.    

Our dates consisted of going to church together on a Sunday evening, and coming back to our farm house afterwards.  Mom would fix us some lemonade, or cake and ice cream, or popcorn, and then we’d spend time doing a jigsaw puzzle or playing a game with the family present.  When the family went to bed, we’d sit in the living room and listen to records such as “The Norman Luboff Choir, Gospel Guitar, Sons of the Pioneers,” or Ralph Platt’s album, “The Birds Sing His Praise.”  (I remember at least one time one of my four brothers sneaked downstairs and looked around the corner to peek at us.) J 

We would hold hands as we sat on the couch together, and we were 6 months into dating before Dave kissed me on the forehead and I kissed him back on the cheek as he stood in the doorway to leave at 10:00 p.m..  He said he “floated” home that night! J  To be loved is indeed a wonderful feeling.

Our parents taught us sexual purity.  Sometimes we didn’t like their restrictions, but they were trying to protect us, and we respected them for that. Very rarely did we go anywhere alone, except in the car ride to church or to a youth group activity.  The church was a big part of our lives, and we had both given our lives to Jesus Christ.  Because our parents taught us sexual purity, we determined that we would never engage in sexual activity while dating.  And we kept our promise.

Today, so many young people in our sexually-permissive culture have such a skewed view of dating, because it's hormone-driven instead of purpose-driven.  

Our culture has kids spending their time watching graphic television, playing violent video games, and listening to destructive hip hop music on their iPods by idols such as Lil Wayne and his super-filthy lyrics. Too often they don't know stability and the value of doing something productive and fill their idle time with the above. 

Who was it said, “Idleness is the devil’s workshop?”  I remember as a teenager thinking I sure wouldn’t mind having some of that idleness, and I didn’t believe it was the devil’s workshop, either.  I couldn’t imagine what that meant.  What was evil about being idle?  Mom often found me sitting cross-legged on the floor reading a book by the library shelf I had been dusting.  She’d say, “First work, then play!”  And I remember thinking to myself, “Yeah, and all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!” (Or in my case, “makes Jill a dull girl.”)  J  We were taught obedience and responsibility.

Blessed is the young person whose parents:

  • Have a good marriage
  • Lay ground rules for healthy dating and enforce them
  • Love them enough to talk candidly about sex and abstinence
  • Teach him to do good deeds for neighbors
  • Teach him to put God’s Word first in his life
  • Involve him in wholesome youth activities at church
  • Teach him responsibility in helping around the house and yard
  • Encourage involvement in music, sports, art, etc.
  • Have a regular family night to play games or watch a movie
  • Take a daytrip to the mountains to hike or picnic
  • Involve them with extended family on a regular basis
  • Ask God for wisdom to help them raise their children

Yes, the dating culture certainly is different now than it was back then when I was young.  And many more pitfalls are strewn in the footpaths of the young.  But the principles for godly dating remain the same because God doesn’t change.  We can still raise godly children to have healthy dating practices and eventually sound marriages.

I invite you to leave your comments or questions below in the comment section.

God bless you, dear reader!


Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Underage Dating

A culture is created by an atmosphere and a climate.  

How does a culture come to think of underage “dating” as normal behavior for even young school students?  I think a lot of kids associate “dating” with sexual activity: “hooking up” or “getting it on.”  It’s as if our children are being pushed at a younger and younger age to try to deal with emotions and situations they are in no way ready for.

Life for these kids is way too complicated; their emotions and reasoning skills are undeveloped, so they make bad decisions.  They may feel “grown up,” but they certainly aren’t.

Thirteen-year old Ryan and twelve-year-old Sally are on a “date” with their school friends at the theater on a Friday night.  Sitting high up in the dark row at the top, the atmosphere is conducive to some heavy petting.  Hey, their friends around them are into that too, so the climate is one of acceptance—no restraint or guilt or fear of reprisal here.  Because of acceptance, a culture of sexual promiscuity is created.

 Guys brag and compare themselves to other guys as they discuss girls and their own sexual exploits.  Girls feel peer pressure to do certain things to be popular.  These very young “couples” talk about their “relationship,” and if they happen to break up, they say they are “single” again. 

Because of all the social media like Instagram, Facebook, My Space, etc, kids have come to want to know everyone else’s business.  A friend told me her thirteen-year-old granddaughter, whom I’ll call Bryanna, sort of liked a boy (I’ll call Cory) at school.  They would talk and walk around together at school.  One day the kids told Cory to ask Bryanna to “go steady” with him, and he was to tell her to meet in a hallway at a certain time. 

When Bryanna got there to meet him, all the other kids made a circle around the two of them and told him to ask her the question.  To them it was just a game – an event of little consequence.  But Bryanna was terribly embarrassed, and said, “No,” and for a long time after that withdrew and avoided talking to the boy.  The other girls were so mad at her, and said they would take him away from her.  Bryanna faced harassment on Instagram. 

Bryanna was invited to a party one of her school friends was having.  Her mom told her “No,” and Bryanna was very upset.  However, afterwards, another girl who attended the party told Bryanna they played “Seven Minutes in Heaven,” where a boy could take a girl into a private room and for seven minutes do anything he wanted to her.  Really??  I ask: where was the parent in that home?  Unbelievable!

All too often parents think it’s “cute” to see their youngsters “dating” and encourage it.  I even heard one professing Christian dad say about his daughter, “Well, they’re only young once; let them have their fun.”  This in response to the mother who was concerned that their 15-year old daughter was possibly engaging in sexual behavior!  Did he think he was being her friend by not training and teaching her?  Or did he wish to live vicariously through his daughter?

I think it’s fine for young people to be in social outings together such as school or church youth group activities with a chaperon present.  But I believe true serious dating should be reserved for when they are ready to begin looking for a potential marriage partner.

I don’t need to tell you the pain of broken dreams and lives when teen girls (or even pre-teen), left to themselves, end up pregnant, or have an abortion.  I don’t need to tell you the shame felt in a family when a son impregnates a girl out of wedlock.  The spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical consequences are heart-breaking and cause trouble for the whole family and society.  Proverbs 29:15 (NKJ) states, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

(I want to add here that if you have been caught in any of these heart-breaking situations, don’t feel condemned.  Rather, be humble, go to God, ask His forgiveness, and He will give you a clean slate.  The blood of Jesus cleans you from all sin.  He can give you a brand new start!  Yes, He will!  If you have never given your life to Jesus, see my July 15, 2013 blog post “SAVED.”)

 Parents, we must be guardrails for our children.  They feel loved and cared for when they have healthy boundaries, when we care enough to talk gently and with respect about sexual matters.  Parents, the most important thing we can do for our children is to have a healthy, personal relationship with Jesus Christ ourselves.  Children live what they learn.  Know God’s Word, and show them what God says about sexuality and their bodies.  (See 2 Timothy 2:22, I Thessalonians 4:4, and I Peter 5:8-9.  Also see my previous post titled “Marriage Matters.”)

In the maze of sexual murkiness, will you please be the light for your kids to follow?  If you’re a grandparent, will you help be their compass, too?  Parents, will you please help your precious children find their way safely through the minefield of sex hormones, drugs, self-esteem issues, peer pressures and a worldly dating culture?  Will you teach them to dress with modesty?  

Dads, this includes boys who wear their pants below the buttocks.  You should know it’s a practice that started in prison among homosexual men.  According to a TV show I saw on this subject, the male who wore his pants in such a way signaled he was the submissive one—if you get my meaning.  The dominant males wore their pants pulled up.  Boys with sagging pants show sagging self-worth and a sagging, shiftless attitude toward life.

Dads, talk to your sons.  Speak with respect and encouragement into their lives.  Show them what it is to be a man of God.  A great book for pre-teen boys is “Lintball Leo’s Not So Silly Questions about Your Body” by Dr. Walt Larimore, MD.  Another good book for teenage boys is “For Young Men Only: A Guy’s Guide to the Alien Gender” by Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice.  Pray much for your son.  Pray with him, too.  Let him hear you pray for him: it does something wonderful in his heart.

Moms, here’s a website about modesty for your teenage daughter: www.modestishottest.com.  “The Pink Lid” is a conference in Florida for all girls 12-18, and will be held near the end of September, 2013.   It’s a conference on modesty, sexual purity and more.  The website is www.thepinklid.com.  

Moms, “Gentle Passages” by Robin Jones Gunn is a wonderful book that offers great help as you teach your daughter the facts of life and sexual purity.  When my granddaughter was about ten years old, I bought it and gave it to my daughter for her daughter.  The ceremony of “The Secret of the Fine China Plate” is so tender and touching.  Pray much for your daughter.  Pray with her, too.  Let her hear you say her name in prayer: it does something wonderful in her heart.

I’d like to close this post with this touching poem from the book by Robin Jones Gunn:

      When Hearts Are Young

Come to me when my heart is young
Let tender words roll off your tongue.
Reveal the sweet mysteries one by one
When my heart is young.

Come to me when my ears are small
Before my thoughts have heard it all.
Whisper clearly God’s gentle call
When my ears are small.

Come to me when my eyes are clear
Before my heart has learned to fear.
Show me the beauty in all you hold dear
When my eyes are clear.

Come to me when my frame is straight;
Before my peers don’t hesitate.
Promise me the blessing for those who wait
When my frame is straight.

Come to me and be the one
Who guides me till this journey’s done.
And on the other shore I’ve become
A woman like you
With a heart still young. 

              -- Robin Jones Gunn

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy

  


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Marriage Matters


Definitions are important; in fact, they are crucial to getting things right. 

The other day I heard a father tell how he, his wife, and some of their children went to the grocery store, voting unanimously that the 12-year old sibling-tormentor could stay home alone.
  
When they got home, the twelve-year-old greeted his dad with enthusiasm at the door.

Son: “Dad, I baked a cake for you while you were gone!”

Dad:  “Oh really?  Wow, that chocolate cake looks great!”  (The father said he wanted to encourage this new streak of helpfulness in his boy, and made a mental note to say something uplifting and encouraging.)  “May I have the first piece?”

His son, turned baker, cut him a big piece and put it on a plate, and handed his dad a fork. The father was determined the first thing out of his mouth must be something positive.  He took a big bite, and the first thing out of his mouth was… the cake!

Dad: “Tell me, did you use a recipe?”

Son:  “Yes, Dad.”

Dad:  “Did you follow the recipe?”

Son:  “Yes, Dad.  I don’t know what went wrong.”

Dad:  “May I see the recipe, please?”

Son:  Hands Dad the card and says, “See, it says to use butter, 2 cups flour, one cup sugar, 2 eggs, and a dash of salt.  The only thing was, I didn’t know what a dash was, so I figured if flour and sugar are measured by the cup, I’d use a cup of salt.”

Definitions do matter, don’t they?  When one re-defines a word, disaster results.

It breaks my heart that the definition of traditional marriage and family is under such great assault today.

Marriage is God’s idea, and He alone gets to say what it is – not you, not me.  We are His creation; He is the Creator.  The first commandment given by God to man and woman when the earth was fresh and new, in pristine condition, (long before the law was given) was His commandment and intention for marriage.  It’s the foundation for all of society, regardless of ethnicity or culture. 

This command is found in Genesis 1:26-28:  “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female, he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.

The Bible tells how this all came about.  In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”  God formed all the birds and animals and brought them to Adam to be named, which he did.  “But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  The man and woman were both naked and they felt no shame.”

Such is God’s design for mankind: one man and one woman to bear children in God’s image, and those children to marry a member of the opposite sex and bear more children, and so fill the earth and subdue it.  These scriptures also plainly indicate that no animal is to be used for sex (bestiality).  Indeed, God later gives written command against such practice, including man lying with man, and woman with woman, or other perversions of God-given sexuality.  It is an abomination to Him.   

God told Moses to speak to the Israelites and tell them not to copy the Egyptians and their sexual practices.  God plainly says in Leviticus 18:22 – 25, “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.  Do not have sexual relations with an animal or defile yourself with it.  A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.  Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled.  Even the land was defiled, so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants…and if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.”

Why the push to change the definition of marriage?  Why the blasé attitude toward God’s design and commandment?  Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.”  People don't know who God is.

Those who claim to love God must love what He loves and hate what He hates.  (Psalm 97:10)

Because they wish to be affirmed in their deception, I’ve heard the argument by professing Christians justifying homosexual behavior saying that “we aren’t under the law anymore.  We don’t keep the dietary laws and clothing rules for the priesthood.  Christian women don’t wear a covering on their heads like it says in I Corinthians 11:13-16.  So why should we pay any attention to the laws regarding sex?" 

My answers are these:

  • Is it okay with God to murder, steal, bear false witness in a court of law (or anywhere else), worship an idol of wood or stone, misuse the name of God, commit adultery, covet your neighbor’s wife or anything he has, etc?  Is it okay to practice pedophilia and rape because one is disposed toward it?  Of course not.  Society can’t be sustained where there is chaos of every kind.  It would be hell on earth.  God gave us these moral laws of behavior to sustain an honorable, orderly society.  God set government in place for our benefit, as Romans 13:1-7 states. 

  • The priesthood laws of wearing garments made a certain way with only certain fibers, the washings, sacrifices, and construction of the tabernacle were all types and shadows of the coming Messiah and are replete with spiritual meaning. Jesus is the fulfillment of those ritualistic laws, and they don’t apply to the Christian.

  • Old Testament laws about food are addressed by Jesus.  In Mark 7:14-16, “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a man can make him “unclean” by going into him.  Rather, it is what comes of a man that makes him “unclean.”   The end of verse 19 says “In saying this, Jesus declared all foods “clean.”   Jesus was saying that the thoughts and desires emanating from the heart is what causes evil behavior and defiles the person.  The Apostle Paul also talks about the dispute over foods and Jewish holidays and the Sabbath day in Romans 14.

  • Concerning women wearing the head covering, the Apostle Paul said, “If it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.”  That was a sign of a loose woman in that culture.  The customary practice for women in church worship was to have their head covered.  (I Corinthians 11: 1-16)  Today most women, except in Middle Eastern cultures, cut their hair.  It’s not a sign of disgrace.  The head covering was a cultural practice – not a moral law.  God never talks about it.

I believe people are guilty of misusing God’s name when they say He approves of something He doesn’t approve of, or vice-versa.  God’s Genesis commandment of marriage and its definition stands; Jesus hasn’t changed.  We can’t have some “new Jesus” who morphed from the One we used to know – the only sinless Sovereign Son of God Who is Sovereign.  Either He is God or He isn’t.  Either we abide by His moral law, or our society goes down the toilet.  

And let me just say, we do not keep the moral law of God in order to obtain salvation and entrance into heaven.  No one can ever please God that way.  No; we put our faith in Jesus who kept the law perfectly for us and was the sinless sacrifice for our own sins.  We want to keep the moral law and live righteously because we love God.  We love what He loves, and hate what He hates.  Our behavior is the fruit, not the root, of our salvation.

Consider this: if God had ever intended marriage to be between two men or two women, He would have surely have given instructions for such a relationship.  But He never did, nor did He ever intend that; for there would be no children, no offspring for God.  The earth would not be filled as He commanded; He would have gone against His own commandment.  Unthinkable!  Instead, we have plenty of instructions from God how a man should treat his wife, and instructions for the family.

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

In Mark 10:5-8 Jesus answered the Pharisees’ question about divorce and why Moses permitted them to divorce their wives.  Jesus says, “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law.  But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not men separate.” 

Matthew 19:4-6 says, “ ‘Haven’t you read,’ He [Jesus] replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  

And I add: let not the definition of marriage be torn apart, either.  Let's keep the definition of marriage straight!

God bless you, dear reader!

*All Scripture taken from the NIV translation of the Bible unless otherwise noted.

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy




Monday, July 15, 2013

SAVED!


“Aging house seemed doomed; caring neighbor stepped in”

Such was the front page headline of the July 5, 2013 issue of The Manassas Observer.  The article immediately piqued my interest because my husband and I have driven by that large, old Victorian run-down house at 9300 Prescott Avenue many times in the nine years we’ve lived in Manassas City.  We always remarked to one another that it’s a shame the 100-year-old house hasn’t been kept up; we’d heard the owner, despite numerous repeated entreaties and ultimatums, refused to respond.  Finally Manassas City had it targeted for demolition, planning to build another house in its place.  That’s when the neighbors took action. 

The paper says, “Mr. Ickrath and two other investors managed to buy the decaying eyesore at the last hour for $118, 750 at a short sale just before a demolition crew was to arrive.”

As I drove by the other week, I was particularly intrigued by what I saw on the chain link fence surrounding the renovation work.  Stuck in the links were red and blue plastic cups arranged to spell the word, “SAVED.”   I knew I wanted to write a blog post about that word, and I determined to get a photograph of the work going on.  So on July 5, I drove as close as I could to the street, walked across the very busy intersection of a four-way stop to take the picture:



I couldn’t help but think how Jesus stepped in to save us from destruction when He came to earth to die for our sins to restore us to fellowship with our Creator.  Each life is like that old run-down abandoned house until God moves in.  The Holy Spirit goes to work, lovingly making all things new. 

Have you been “saved?”  Have you invited the Lord Jesus to move into your life and forgive all your sins, wipe the slate clean and give you a brand new beginning?  A“new birth,” if you will?   If not, why not ask Him to come into your life right now?  Don’t we all want a new beginning?  Of course we do.  The heart of mankind longs to be reinstated to fellowship with his Heavenly Father.  And you don't want to miss heaven! It will truly be "out of this world!"

We are promised in God’s Word, Romans 10:9-13, “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.  As the Scripture says, ‘anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame…Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  What an awesome promise. 

 We cannot save ourselves; no one's good works or attempts to whitewash the broken condition of our lives will ever stand in the presence of a holy God.  It's only by accepting what Jesus did for us that satisfies God; His great heart of love wants to do it all for us!  Isn't that wonderful?  Trust what Jesus did to make you right with God.  You'll want to invite all your family and friends to give their lives to Jesus, too!
  
 A couple of years ago I chose Jack Hayford’s book, “Rebuilding the Real You,” to teach a ladies’ Bible study in my home.  It’s a study on the book of Nehemiah where he, as governor of Jerusalem, is likened to the Governor, the Holy Spirit, in the lives of us believers.

To quote from the online study guide by Jack Hayford, “While our eternal destiny is secured when we open to new life in Jesus Christ, our pathway of spiritual and emotional growth as a disciple is often cluttered with obstacles left over from the past.”  In other words, once you are born again, you need to have the rubble removed and be “rebuilt.”

Do those obstacles to your growth as a disciple of Jesus mean you aren’t saved after all?  No. That’s why the Holy Spirit comes to live in us when we turn our lives over to Jesus.  Restoration is a life-long process as we let Him work in us.

Each of us – the whole human race – has been damaged.  Mistreatment by others, deficiencies, sins, bad habits, and strongholds passed down from ancestors create wreckage that far exceeds our ability to help ourselves.  We need the Holy Spirit Governor to step in and rebuild our broken down walls and foundations.  And He’s an expert Builder! 

In Hayford's study, we learned that the name "Nehemiah" means “the consolation of God.”  His name is synonymous with the Comforter, the Holy Spirit.  In the same manner, the Holy Spirit focuses on establishing a capital center of righteousness in each believer.

Just as Sanballat tried to hinder the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem (see Nehemiah 4 and 6), so Satan tries to hinder our cooperation with the Holy Spirit's "re-building project."  But be of good cheer: Jesus our Savior has already given us the victory!

In what areas of your life do you sense the need to be rebuilt?  Are there weak or damaged areas in you or your family that could use some rebuilding?  Ask the Holy Spirit to take over.  He will save you!  

I invite your comments or questions below; God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy




Saturday, July 6, 2013

Clinical Anxiety-Based Depression

I received a request to do a post on this subject, so if you or someone in your family is suffering from clinical anxiety-based depression, this post is for you.  I’m writing about it because of the devastating effects anxiety has on the sufferer and other family members.  I'm writing about it to help bring understanding and offer helpful tips on how you can help a loved one who is suffering from anxiety.

There is much misunderstanding and prejudice toward people who suffer from clinical anxiety-based depression.  Because they don't know what clinical anxiety is, I have found that especially among Christians, the majority tend to lump the words "anxiety" and "worry" into one category where one worries about finances, health, kids, world conditions, etc. People need to know that the medical condition of clinical anxiety is different from the garden variety of “worry/anxiety” which is nobly overcome by exercising faith in God and His word.  I’ve done it many times myself. 

Well-meaning Christians tell the sufferer that they need to keep their eyes on Jesus and repent of their anxiety.  Or other well-meaning Christians may insist the reason for the anxiety is some hidden sin of which one has not repented.

Worry is sin.  The anxiety I’m talking about is a medical condition where the mind cannot perceive things correctly.  Things seem fearfully distorted when they’re not.  This kind of anxiety is not a “normal fear.”  The mind does not function correctly.  It’s broken.

Someone very close to me can tell you about his six-month experience with anxiety years ago when he took one 24-hour cold medication capsule by Ciba Pharmaceuticals called “Efidac 24.”  Another person I know well  can tell you about his anxiety caused by taking a certain kind of antibiotic; thirty-six hours after he went off it, he felt normal again.  I can give you the name of a mother whose six-year old daughter had anxiety and was put on medication.  I know of a pastor’s teenage daughter who was on medication for anxiety-based depression.

The mind can become broken just like one can break a leg.  The synapses in the brain do not work correctly.  Just because you can’t see the broken mind doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  Here are things you can do to help a sufferer heal:

  • Don’t pressure them to go to church or anywhere they don’t want to go; interaction with others can be overwhelming.
  •  Don’t make the person feel guilty, telling them some un-confessed sin caused their anxiety.
  •  Don’t say, “___________is paralyzed and/or worse off than you, and he still praises the Lord; you need to be thankful.
  • Don’t say, “You need to,” or “You should,” or “Why don’t you…”  It will be perceived as just one more thing to pile onto an already overloaded mind.  It will also be perceived as not being good enough, not performing well enough, that they are deficient and lacking.  It feeds feelings of worthlessness.  It's like placing a heavy object on a broken leg.
  •  Don’t talk about sickness, diseases, who’s suffering with what, who died, etc.
  • Encourage them to take their medication faithfully if they have been given a prescription.  Don't let them see the paper with side effects that came with the prescription, and don't mention them.  Their mind will likely create those side effects if known.  As long as a spouse or caregiver knows about the possible side effects, that's sufficient.
  •  Bless them with words of kindness and love.  For a Christian, say such things as:
    • You are complete in Christ
    • You are fully accepted by Him
    • He upholds you
    • He will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5b-6)
  •  Say, “God cares about you and loves you just as you are”
  •  Say, “The Lord heals you from trauma.” (You may add, “From the death of your parent, of being abandoned, etc, or whatever trauma you know they have suffered.)  Let the Holy Spirit lead you in prophesying God’s Word over them.
  •  Say, “The Lord heals your brain.” 
  • Say, “You are accepted and loved just as you are.” 
  • Ask God to give you compassion in your heart for them.
  • Don’t take their strange, reclusive behavior personally, like they are rejecting you or like you have failed.  It’s not your fault. 
  • Talk about happy things and good news.
  • Smile kindly and touch their hand or shoulder gently when talking with them.
  • Soothing music, like Hawaiian music, is nice.  However, if some music causes pain or discomfort to the person, turn it off. 
  • Watch your tone of voice; speak kindly and gently.  A sharp tone can make them feel rejected, like they are a bother, and will add to anxious thoughts. 
  • Be willing to just sit with them without saying a word. 
  • Most of all, pray for them!

What qualifies me to write about this subject?  I myself suffered from severe anxiety-based depression from 2004 – 2006.  I understand. 

I invite you to leave questions or comments below.

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy
  


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

America The Needy

           America The Needy

              By Elaine Beachy
              January 20, 1992

Like the teen whose heart rebellious
'Gainst the parent's hand is raised,
Going his own way, now dismal,
Loathes to seek parental aid;

So our country, heart rebellious,
Turned her faith from God alone
To free love, Libbers, drugs, abortions,
New Age crystals -- hapless stones!

With her hand out-stretched for answers,
Beaten, wounded, bloodied, sore,
She relucts to find salvation
From the One she so abhorred.

Struggle on, then, O Rebellious,
Pile on laws and legislate!
Watch your cities, towns and families
Buckle under such a fate...

With His heart of mercy aching,
God waits patiently to see
When her eyes will turn upon Him
So that He might set her free.

Who'll repair the crumbling moorings?
Who will shout the watchman's cry?
Who calls out, "Awake, you sleeper!
"Don you armor!  To the fray!"

Is it not the godly-minded
Who for long were trodden down,
Those with faith in God, united,
Who restore our country's crown?


"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people."  Proverbs 14:34

Happy Independence Day to you and your family!  Please pray for an outpouring of God's Spirit in our churches and over our country.  I also encourage you to read aloud our country's Declaration of Independence as you gather with your family and friends on July 4.  Here's the link: http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/document/ 

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Arrest That Stress!


Things have a way of quietly piling up undetected as the tyranny of the urgent crowds out those good intentions for spending quality time with the Lord first thing each morning.

A tug-of-war goes on in your mind between doing what you know you should do and tending to things you see need doing.  You think, “I’ll spend quiet time with the Lord just as soon as I finish this…”  But the quiet time never comes.  One day folds into the next, and before you know it, your mind feels like a mud-caked shoe sole bogged down with layers of the demands and pressures of each day.  Heavy layer piles upon heavy layer as you trudge on, determined to “make it” around just the next bend in the road. 

Before you know it, you are physically, mentally and emotionally tired, become irritable and lose clear focus.

That’s how I felt most of the month of June.  I pushed hard to market my books, arranged a book signing, had to work with my web design team at WestBow over some problems, wrote to numerous pastors, professional people, wrote my blog, did face book, and created a Twitter account because I was told I needed one to market my books.  My mind was stretched as I learned new things.

I also felt incredulous and disheartened as I heard a string of news reports daily about new national scandals erupting in America.  I felt a keen sense of loss for the beloved America I once knew.  I prayed about that often during the day as I worked around the house and did what I had to do.

Besides that, I wondered if I’d ever have time to work on my third book, wondered if I had what it took to make it to the “finish line” of my trilogy for children. 

In the middle of all this, a friend sent me a video link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=m2Lj0H-KHbY&list=RD02r-Yn4b9iClE&feature=endscreen  When I played it, tears ran down my face as I felt the Holy Spirit minister to me.  

And then on Sunday morning during the message, our church showed this same video!  We had a wonderful men’s series during June about finishing our spiritual race; those really helped me too as I applied what was said to my writing.     

Yesterday morning I decided to tuck myself in with God and not come out until I was ready!  (Kind of like sleeping in until you’re “slept-out.”)   My e-mails could wait, my blog could wait, Twitter could wait, Face book could wait, follow-ups could wait, marketing my books could wait, and my housework could wait.  I laid out some frozen meat to thaw for dinner and headed for my secret place.
 
When we built our house nine years ago, we turned a “supposed to be bedroom” into a small second “living room” with bookcases, a couch, two small chairs and a small TV.  I dubbed it my “prayer room.”  I used to spend my daily quiet time with the Lord at the kitchen table in the forenoons when Dave was at work. But since Dave is retired now and needs his space too, I decided to go into my sanctuary and close both doors. 

I began to tear up as soon as I was alone, and I got on my knees and let the tears pour out in heart-felt sobs to God.  He understands those kinds of unspeakable prayers, and I’m so glad.  I just wanted to be quiet in God’s presence, not say a word, and let Him minister to me.  The peace and relief I felt as the pressure melted off me was wonderful.  When I got up off my knees I felt renewed. 

Sometimes I think we focus on ministering to God in praise and worship, when what we really need most of all is to be tucked into His presence and let Him minister to us.

I thought of Mary and Martha in the Bible where Jesus told Martha she was worried and upset about many things, but that only one thing was needful, and Mary had chosen it—to sit at His feet, rest, and let Him minister to her.  (Luke 10:38)

Isaiah 30:15 came to mind:  “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust [confidence – KJV] is your strength…”  This scripture also came to mind: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

As I drank in God’s love and presence, a precious chorus from years gone by came to mind:

“Shut in with God in a secret place,
There in the Spirit beholding His face,
Gaining new power to run in the race,
I long to be shut in with God.” 
                         (Author Unknown)

Our Creator knows how to minister to us if we’ll let Him.

“Peace, peace, wonderful peace;
Coming down from the Father above:
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.”
                          (Written by W.D. Cornell and W.G. Cooper)

Video link to hear this song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZtuYAgHIvU

God bless you, dear reader!


*All Scripture is from the NIV translation unless otherwise noted

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy