Busy As A Bee; So Where's The Honey?

Ah yes, the tyranny of the urgent.  We are busy, busy, busy -- almost sounds like a bee buzzing around if you say it fast enough. :)  Most of the time, stress is our own fault because we don't set healthy priorities and boundaries for ourselves.  Instead of sweetness, our homes can become a hothouse for seeting resentments, frustration, alienation, boredom, and loneliness.

Especially here in Northern Virginia, we need to ask ourselves, "What is the most valuable thing in my life?"  That means sitting down and thinking.  Give heed to our ways, the Bible says.  I believe we don't do enough enough of that.  I believe we also need to learn to dream again, to let our imaginations be sanctified by the Creator of the universe.  He is full of ideas!  That's why slowing down in life is essential to our well-being.  To God's design for us.  If we constantly feel responsible for everything, try to control everything, we'll have a much harder time dreaming.  Or having fun, even, because we're peace-deficient.

    Diary of a Mad Housewife

Clean the House, scrub the floor,
Wipe those smudges off the door.
Do the laundry, take out trash,
Clean the sink, then make a dash
To the grocery store, and then
Come back home and call a friend.

"My life's so busy," you comlain;
My husband really is a pain!
My kids - they drive me up a wall -
I just don't like my life at all!
It's time for me; where's my career?
I want fulfillment -- can't you hear?

My life's a mess.  What did you say?
I gotta run - I can't delay.
I'll miss that sale at T.J. Maxx
If I don't hurry up and act!
Run, run, run, that's all I do.
Where did I put my shoes?"

                     by Elaine Beachy
                     October 27, 2011

I'd like to recommend a wonderful book by Joyce Meyer titled 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life.  It's easy to read, and each truth is formatted in 100 short daily readings.  Smart, huh?  I think you'll love it, and your life will change for the better.

Philippians 4:4-7 is a favorite Bible passage of mine.  I quote it here from the NIV translation:  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  I also meditate on verse 8:  "Finally..., whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."

May your hive be full of honey -- the sweetness of peace and joy in your home where your children and husband feel valued and respected.  What you give out will come back to you; that's the law of sowing and reaping.  May you have new beginnings today!

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Recognizing Covetousness

In Annie Chapman and Maureen Ranks' book Smart Women Keep it Simple, Annie tells of one time her pastor's wife handed her a list of three couples to invite as their part in a supper club at their church.  She eagerly scanned the list to see who they would be spending an evening with once a month for four months.  Annie was dismayed to see the names of a very wealthy couple who lived in a luxurious 6,500 sq. ft. home, complete with a tennis court, swimming pool, and a Mercedes in the driveway.

She writes, "Suddenly my cozy little place with the country kitchen and touches of West Virginia memorabilia no longer looked warm and charming.  Instead, it bordered on tacky. . . My palms got sweaty and I felt sick to my stomach.  Was it too late for a complete renovation?  I wondered what a professional interior decorator would cost."  Her insecurity didn't stop with the house.  The menu and her dishes terrified her too when she envisioned the rich folks' standard of living. 

One day as she was stewing over menus and table settings, she heard a quiet voice say, "Annie, thou shalt not covet. . ."  She tried to brush it aside, but it kept coming back, so she looked up the ten commandments in Exodus 20.  There it was: verse 17.  "You shall not covet your neighbor's house.  You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

She writes, "Could it be these feelings I'd excused as an 'inferiorty complex' and 'low self-esteem' were actually covetousness?"  As she searched her soul, her anxious thoughts came back to her memory.  "Will they think I am a terrible decorator?  Will I feel inadequate when they see what I have prepared?  I'm afraid I'll be looked down upon, and I . . .  Obviously the key word here was 'I'".

When her focus shifted from wanting to be known as "the great entertainer" to how she could show genuine hospitality to her brothers and sisters, the pressure was off and she relaxed.  She had a simple menu, and even served cookies and ice cream for dessert.  She says, "...the wealthy couple I had so feared were two of the most down-to-earth people we'd met in a long time."  Later, after they got to know each other better, Annie confessed to the wealthy woman how intimidated she had felt, and they both had a good laugh.  When the wealthy woman's turn came to host the supper club, she served food from paper plates!

Another wealthy friend of Annie's told her of the rejection she experienced at a Bible study.  She had just come from a luncheon, wearing a mink coat, and hadn't thought about the statement her coat may make to others.  As she came out of the restroom later that evening, one lady met her at the door, glared at her and said coldly, "I hate rich people." 

That same friend of Annie's became friends with a woman as they worked in the church nursery together, and was given an invitation for her whole family to come for dinner.  But the next week, the woman said to the wealthy lady, "I found out this week how much money you have, and I can't possibly have you in my home because it isn't nearly as nice as yours."  Annie's friend experienced crushing pain and rejection simply because of financial status.

We must live with an eye to the eternal.  Diapering a baby looks temporary, but as you lock your eyes in steady gaze at your infant, intimacy and bonding occurs.  That's an eternal value.  Quoting Annie once again, "...seeing the eternal means choosing to play ball while the supper dishes wait, or putting down that book you've been reading and turning over to talk to your husband."

Good connections with your spouse, children and friends are the most important investment you'll ever make.  When you come to the end of your life, you will not regret never having a luxurious home, that big job offer or promotion, or making that important sale.  You will regret not having spent more time with your husband, child, friend, or a  parent.

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Helpful Hints

Now that we have a heart for hospitality, there are three things that may limit our efforts:  finances, energy, and time.  I hope to share some ideas with you that will prove helpful.

Sometimes we practice hospitality in a way learned from our family culture, and that's not all bad.  But I would caution against having an overemphasis or too much reverence for the past so that we become custom-bound.  I come from a Mennonite/Amish culture, and the way hospitality is done there has a lot of merit.

Folks are warmly invited and made to feel welcome.  I especially think of the warm hospitality of my Mennonite Aunt Esther, who is no longer with us, and now the hospitality of her Mennonite daughter, my first cousin, Pauline.  She has a warm, bubbly personality, is a good conversationalist, and an excellent cook to-boot!   I enjoy being in their home.  She smiles a lot and accepts me just as I am, even though her way of dress and some beliefs may be somewhat different than mine.  We both love the same Jesus, and His love fills our hearts.  We don't try to change one another.  She and I practice generosity of spirit toward one another, and it's a beautiful thing.  She is a lovely woman who truly has an open heart and open home.

There are some Mennonite cultural pitfalls to avoid.  I don't want to feel like I have to have a lavish display of food, rich desserts, and copy my ancestoral heritage.  I remember tables laden with meat, potatoes, gravy, hot vegetables, Jello salads, applesauce, pudding, homemade bread and sour cream butter ("Grandpa butter" I called it), jellies and pickles.  And that was before dessert, which was usually an offering of different kinds of pies!  :)  Now don't get me wrong: it was all very delicious -- perhaps too good, in fact.

As your Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners approach, I would pray first of all for a "generosity of spirit" to prevail.  To not use the time together as an opportunity to bring up disagreements, or be negative.  Pray that your family members would be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgive one another, and have a gracious, thankful, positive attitude.  I have heard of family dinners being ruined because these graces were not practiced.

• If you're hosting a dinner, do as much ahead of time as possible. 
• Plan a decorating and cleaning schedule.  I once read that if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.  Ask a friend for help if you need it. 
• Think simplicity when planning your menu.
• Try to plan for foods that look good, taste great, and do not require much last-minute preparation. 
• Ask each guest to bring a designated dish on your menu. 
• Get in the everyday habit of keeping your flat surfaces de-cluttered, and you won't become overwhelmed at the last minute.  (Mail, bric-a-brac, receipts, books, items to return to a store, etc.)
• If you see an area that needs cleaned, do it then -- don't put if off.
• Keep a roll of paper towels, window cleaner, and a disinfectant surface cleaner in a cabinet in each bathroom and your kitchen. 
• You'd be surprised how little time it actually takes to wipe down a mirror, clean a sink and the commode, shake out a rug, or dust that dresser. 
• Pace your cleaning throughout the week, cleaning only the bathrooms on the day of your get-together.  Procrastinating till the last minute creates panic and stress.  (Kind of like trying to lose 20 pounds before your high school reunion.)  :)
• Set the table the day before. 
• Bake and freeze cookies, pastries, or breads a few weeks in advance so you can pull them out if you need them at the last minute.
• Instead of serving heavy, sweet desserts, provide bowls of chilled, fresh fruit, nuts or caramel popcorn.
• Simplify your decorating.  Less is more when tastefully done.

Here are six books I'd highly recommend if you tend to feel overwhelmed with housework or hospitality:

• Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Burton Mains, David C. Cook Publishing Co, 1976
• Keeping Entertaining Simple by Martha Storey, Hallmark Books, 1998
• Smart Women Keep It Simple by Annie Chapman with Maureen Rank, Bethany House Publishers, 1992
• Living Organized by Sandra Felton, published by Fleming H. Revell, 2005
• Too Much Stuff by Kathryn Porter, Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, 2006
• Messie No More by Sandra Felton, published by Fleming H. Revell, 1994

Maybe you have some ideas you'd like to share.

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Hospitality, Part 3

Remember the saying, "Charity begins at home?"  Likewise, hospitality needs to begin at home.  Many times spouses dump frustrations on each other instead of giving a warm welcome as they come home from a long day at work.  Often children are treated as a bother and greeted with reprimands and criticism that can crush their spirits.

Even our tone of voice and speech on a telephone can convey an attitude of warmth and hospitality.

Marlene's dinner party preparation and attitude described entertaining and not hospitality.  You might ask, "What's the difference?"

I once read an account of a pastor's wife who had just settled down to enjoy a good book, leaving her dishes in the sink and kid's toys and newspapers strewn about.  She hadn't vacuumed or dusted.  Suddenly the doorbell rang.  Dismayed by the mess, she nevertheless remembered her mother's words, "Hospitality before pride!"  She determined to let go of her pride and answered the door.  Her reward came later when her guest said, "I used to think you were perfect, but now I think we can be friends."

Secular entertaining is bondage to things and an attitude of pride in what one has and does.  Entertaining puts things ahead of people.  It seeks payment, perhaps by way of a compliment, job advancement, or reciprocated dinner invitation.  Hospitality puts people ahead of things. 

Hearts can be lonely and dry until they are watered by hospitality.  Encouragement and hope can spring up, and the heart's climate warmed when we give of our time and resources, even simple things like a hug, smile, note, e-mail, or phone call.  The garden of the heart can flourish.

Reflecting on the pastor's wife's story, I think of Jesus' words in Revelation 3:20:  "Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with Him, and he with Me."

Will I open the door of my heart to Him regardless of the mess inside?  Will I let myself be vulnerable to Him?  Is He looking for a perfectly-kept place, or a place where is is allowed to be the Perfect One?  He loves us and desires our fellowship in spite of our "messes".  After all, isn't fellowship with our Lord the birthplace of true hospitality?

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Hospitality, Part 2

We are all created for fellowship, to be in a family and circle of relationships even outside the family unit.  But have you noticed?  We sit in church looking at the back of heads while listening to the sermon.  Unless you're in a Bible study or a life group, you will likely experience very little interaction with other believers.

Unless we interact in a meaningful way, how will we know if someone is dealing with sickness or emotional issues and in need of prayer?  Teetering on the edge of divorce?  Facing bankruptcy?  Losing a job?  Dealing with rebellious children?  Grieving the loss of a loved one?  Impacted by someone who, justly or unjustly, is in prison?  Life decimated because of drugs or alcohol?

Sometimes we avoid hospitality because we, like Marlene, don't want to be overwhelmed with work.  Sometimes we avoid hospitality because we harbor unforgiveness and bitterness that closes the heart toward others.  Other times we avoid it because we're just plain selfish; we seek our own comfort level.  Or maybe we're truly unaware of the need and command to be hospitable.  Many work long hours, or several jobs, and get focused on their own needs.  We may struggle with the fear of not being perfect (who is?).  We think our house is not nice enough, or big enough. We may withdraw because of any number of fears.

Maybe you've lost your job and have no money for serving a meal.  You can still practice hospitality by opening your heart and home with love and asking each guest to bring a dish to share.  Make it informal and relaxed, truly caring about the people.  You can have a casual night of fun at home with games, a movie and popcorn.  How about using the subject of hospitality, for example, for an evening of lively discussion?  Raise challenging questions this subject brings to mind, such as entertaining strangers as we are told to do, because some have entertained angels unawares.  You may wish to discuss our cultural climate of distrust because of violence or why we feel people are out to "take us for a ride" if they come to our door.  Discuss why we are more cynical and less trusting of others, less "neighborly" so to speak. 

If people feel cared for, you have succeeded at hospitality!

Part 3 tomorrow. . . 

P.S.  Oh by the way, I've adjusted settings on my blog so you should be able to comment now without registering.  Some of you e-mailed me, saying you couldn't comment on my posts.  I'd like to hear from you! :)

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Hospitality Part 1

Why did I invite those four couples from our Life Group for dinner anyway?  What was I thinking?  Marlene took a deep breath and stood up from dusting the lower bookshelf.  She placed a hand on her lower aching back.  I can only imagine what I'll feel like by six o'clock tonight!

Marlene walked to the dining room and looked at the tablecloth, coordinating napkins and pretty dinnerware she purchased last week.  "I hope the centerpiece will look okay on the table," she said aloud to herself.  "It isn't that I don't like to help people, but it seems everything came at once this week.   My aunt's doctor appointment, my dentist appointment, the security alarm that just kept beeping, friends who needed prayer or a listening ear.  And Alma called me to help at the church. . ."  The air didn't answer her.

Maybe you're like Marlene: a perfectionist who can't say "no", a good cook with a reputation to uphold, a fastidious housekeeper with an aching back, a headache . . . and a shrinking wallet.

When you invite someone to your home for a meal, do you worry about everything being perfect?  You know -- the color scheme, centerpiece, place settings, putting the eating utensils in the right order next to the dinner plate?  Yikes!  You see spots on the clean glassware, so you set about washing and drying them by hand to make sure they sparkle.

Or you start out inviting the Miller's from church for an outdoor evening hot dog and marshmallow roast.  Suddenly you realize they are friends with the Ashcofts, so you invite them, too.  Before it's all said and done, you end up with ten people and then decide hot dogs and marshmallows aren't good enough.  You cram your day full of work by making potato salad, deviled eggs, broccoli salad, baked beans, brownies, and an angel food cake (for those who may be fat conscious).  When the guests arrive, you're hot, tired, and stressed.  All you want to do is sit in a chair on the deck with a glass of iced tea and put your feet up.  And you certainly have no time or energy for your husband.  Sound familiar?

When you think of the word "hospitality", what picture comes to mind?  What feelings come up inside you?  Did you know the Bible talks about hospitality?  Yes it does.  It says we are to offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Even overseers and leaders in the church are told to be hospitable. 

With the holiday seasons of Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, maybe we can consider how to do that without being worn out or broke.  More tomorrow . . .

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

The Power of the Printed Page

Books are powerful tools.  They can:

Sharpen your mind
Shape opinion
Insipire action
Change a life
Broaden horizons
Change a nation, a city, a family

The greatest Book in the world is the Holy Bible, the Book that reveals the nature and character of God to us.  The apostle John writes in his gospel that Jesus did many other things besides the ones John writes about in his account.  His last sentence is profound:  "If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." 

Writing is important to God.  He is an Author, and His book is the supreme book for our lives -- the final authority.  I am so thankful for every writer used by God to preserve His words for us and not rely on verbal communication passed down to us.  Did you ever play the gossip game?  By the time the whispered secret sentence gets passed into the ear of the last person in the circle, great damage has been done to the original wording. :)

Readers are leaders.  Reading encourages intelligence.  In data from the 2005 and 2006 tests given to High School seniors, according to the NEA, the number of books in a home had a great influence on the test scores of a student.

Unlike watching TV, when you read you use your imagination as you transfer words into pictures and concepts in your understanding.  It helps the brain.

I believe parents should encourage their children to read and limit TV watching.  It is my hope that parents will choose good books for their children, so our young people will become readers of good things.  May they become leaders that help change society for the better.

And may those of us who write books write wholesome ones. 

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

The Picture

Speaking of being caretakers of God's little ones, my thoughts go today to my parents.  Besides providing food, clothing and shelter, they had an over-arching concern for our spiritual well-being.  I am so very thankful to God for my mom and dad who prayed for me and my brothers.  Their prayers helped shape anything good in me today.

In my poetry book I came across a poem I wrote when I was fifty-two years old.  That was thirteen years ago.  I wrote it because of the feelings stirred in me the day Mom and Dad gave me a picture one evening.  I recall having seen it on their bedroom dresser for many years.  In the picture, I am three months old and sit on Momma's lap; Daddy is beside her; they are dressed in Mennonite garb, and look so young and handsome.  I'd like to post the poem here in honor of them, my caretakers. 

             The Picture

As she handed me the picture
They had treasured many years,
Emotions stirred within my soul
As I blinked back the tears.

"We've kept this picture for so long;
We give it now to you." 
Their moistened eyes showed how they felt --
"The years seem gone, like dew."

"I wish we had a picture
Of all our boys as well.
I guess it's different with your first. . ."
Her wistful comments fell.

Later on at home that night
I wept to realize
That truly, one word: faithful,
Has characterized their lives.

I pictured them each night in prayer
On knees beside their bed,
So all us children, one by one,
Could by our God be led.

The picture shows a life so small;
Yet now I'm fifty-two.
That tiny person who was me
Would love their Jesus, too.

And now we've pledged, my spouse and I
To also faithful be,
To bless and lift our children up
Each night before we sleep.

A better picture cannot be
Than of parents who will pray;
Faithful to the very end,
That God would bless and save.

                    by Elaine Beachy
                   December 16, 1998

The prayers we pray for our families will never die.  Even though daddy is gone, his prayers live on. The prayers of my grandparents live on.  I treasure the eternal investment Mom and Dad made in us children.  I honor you, Mom, and daddy's memory.

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

The Process

Late in December of 2010, I began researching Christian self-publishing companies online.  Our son Doug helped me get my book into manuscript format, and I submitted it to a self-publisher.  Turned out it was greatly cost-prohibitive with them.  I truly wanted to self-publish rather than possibly wait years to be accepted by a traditional "big name" publisher who would then own my book and I would lose all my rights to it.  My impression was that they could edit as they desired, and I didn't want that.  I wanted control over how my book looked when it came out.  I wanted illustrations in my book, too.  Most of all, I felt an urgency in my spirit to get the book out to families sooner rather than later.

I did more research, prayed a lot, and finally felt I should contact Wine Press Publishing.  My husband and our children gave good advice and encouragement, too.  Kevin Cochran, my Solutions Advisor, was so helpful and super-nice.  After considering everything and counting the cost, I decided to submit my manuscript to him.  My husband Dave graciously extended enough money from an investment plan to get me started, for which I am deeply grateful.  I signed the contract with Wine Press on May 12, 2011.  I was assigned a Project Manager -- first Tammy Hopf, and now Mike Owens; Editor, Susan Marlow, and an in-house Illustrator, David Miles.

About this time, Regina Clemons, a lady in the Life Group Dave and I lead at church, asked me if I belong to the Northern Virginia Christian Writer's Group.  I had not know about them, except I had previously heard that there was a writer's group that met somewhere in Manassas.  Regina submitted my name for acceptance in membership, and I joined a few weeks later.  I am thankful for the group's critique of my work; it has helped me greatly.  I was also invited to attend the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writer's Conference with Johnese Burtram, director of our writer's group.  That was held August 10-13 this summer on the campus of Philadelphia Biblical University.  The workshops provided excellent training in writing, and I met so many wonderful authors and speakers in the dining hall during meals.  Just listening was a treat.

I can see God's hand guiding me all through this process.  I can see how he brought the right people at just the right time to move my writing and publishing forward.  There is no doubt in my mind that God's blessing is on my books for children.  I have pledged to write God's truth and not compromise His message.

I believe God is beginning to use children in great ways to do the work of His Kingdom here on earth.  They have not learned unbelief or "traditions of man" as we adults so often have.  They have the simple faith of a child -- something to be encouraged and celebrated.  I believe my books will encourage respect and honor toward God and their parents.  I believe parents will be lifted higher in their calling as caretakers of God's little ones.

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy

Small Beginnings

I meet once a month for a "girl's day out" with my dear friend and prayer partner, Jane, in Stephens City, VA.  Sometimes we bring each other little gifts as a token of our friendship.  I was scheduled to meet her one day last November, and I didn't have anything to take to her.

As I thought about what to do, I remembered that just a few days earlier, I had been cleaning out my desk and came across one of my writing files.  I had seen a story I wrote for Alissa a  number of years ago, and after reading it to her, tucked it away.  It was a story about two small rabbits who got into a lot of trouble because they didn't obey Mother.  Now, I pulled the story out of my file, re-worked it a bit, and printed it out to take to Jane as a story to read to her three grandchildren.  I thought she might like to have something I had made.

Jane contacted me a few days later, and exclaimed, "You have to add more to this!  Write more; you should write a book!"

I was dumbfounded.  I had never considered writing a book for children.  The writing course I had finished in 1992 with The Institute of Children's Literature focused solely on magazine submissions.  Could I write a book? The idea seemed very intimidating.  But I began playing around with adding and rearranging chapters, and the book kind of took on a life of its own as I sat at my keyboard and imagined what could happen next in my story.  In about a month, I had eight chapters written.  Now what?  I was a "babe in the woods" as they say. :)

More tomorrow. . .

Copyright © 2011 Elaine Beachy