Nations, countries, states, cities and towns all have boundaries that use signs or some kind of marking that lets you know where one stops and the other starts. Houses have boundaries lines -- some visible, like fences, and others invisible but with boundary markers somewhere on the property corners put there by surveyors.
People have boundaries too, or at least they should have. Have you ever felt like people take advantage of you, disrespect you, expect you to always give in to them? Then this post is for you! :o)
When you know what your boundaries are, you know what you are and are not responsible for. Good mental boundaries give you the freedom to have your own thoughts and opinions. We need good emotional boundaries to be aware of when others may try to manipulate our emotions to get their own way, such as crying, shaming, blaming, etc. I think most of us have good physical boundaries and others know who may touch us and under what circumstances.
A Christian for 54 years, I had focused a lot on being loving and unselfish, while not being aware that I had the right to say "no" to a request or a demand. I think I felt guilty or afraid to say what I really thought because I wanted to be thought of as kind and considerate, to do the "Christian" thing. Last year I began to ask myself, "What are my legitimate boundaries, and how can I set limits and still be a loving person?" For a lot more on this subject, I recommend the book and small group study materials Boundaries: when to say "yes" and when to say "no" to take control of your life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Relationships become unhealthy when I allow others to dominate me, shame me, talk abusively to me, and disrespect me. God calls that "walking in darkness" when we treat others that way but say we love God. We don't walk in love or speak the truth in love.
Another thought: God has fences too. He told us what they are so we can be in right relationship with Him. We believers need to return to the "fear of the Lord", a holy reverence, honor and respect for the Word of God. Without it, we each go our own way, our culture decays, we make up our own rules, have our own opinions without regard for the words of the Supreme Sovereign over all of Heaven and Earth -- the One who gave us His love, His Word, His Son Jesus to pay the price for our waywardness. There are absolutes-- God's Truth-- no matter what the "politically-correct" crowd says.
Fences also have gates. You control who or what you let in and out. Even Jesus said in Revelation 3:20 (NIV) that He respects our gates: "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with Him and he with Me." I also love the offer Jesus makes to us to enter His gate in Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Has someone smashed your fence? Flattened you? Left you wounded and bleeding by the side of the road? With the help of the Holy Spirit and a Good Samaritan, it's time to get up, dust yourself off and put up some fences. Let others know your boundaries by speaking the truth in love. In the end, they will respect you and it will change their life too.
I bless you in Jesus' Name.
Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy
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