Mothering Regrets

Who of us mothers has not experienced regret regarding our parenting?  No mother is perfect: not even the ones that made it into the record of Scripture!  A mother is the Bible's most honored woman; mothers have very great influence in shaping the lives of their children.  God has given the male position, or leadership; He gave the female influence.  Someone has said she is the neck that turns the head.  (Just look at Eve in the Garden of Eden!) :o)

Speaking of Eve, she was the first mother, the mother of all living people on this planet.  One of her sons turned out to be a murderer.  She experienced the pain and loss of her beautiful home when she and her husband were driven out of the Garden of Eden.  I'm sure she was filled with deep regret.

Sarah tried to help God out in bringing about the promise of an heir for her husband, and gave her servant Bilah to him.  Ishmael was born, but in God's timing, He brought about the supernatural birth of Isaac, the son from the promise of God.  Because Sarah acted out of fear that God's promise wouldn't come about, (and Abraham's compliance) we still have conflict to this day between the people of Ishmael (Arabs) and Isaac, (Jews).  Do you think Sarah regretted her actions more than once?  Oh yes.

Rebekah was Isaac's wife, and played favorites with her son Jacob.  She finagled to have him receive the eldest son's birthright even though his twin brother Esau was the oldest.  Do you think she regretted deceiving her husband and the family break-up?  I would say so.

Rachel was Jacob's wife, and her son Joseph was Jacob's favorite.  What a mess that household must have been, what with two wives and the rampant jealousy between Rachel and Leah her sister.  Leah bore Jacob 10 sons and 1 daughter while Rachel only gave him two sons: Joseph and Benjamin. 

Jochebed was a good mother to her three children: Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.  All three of them were used of God in delivering the Israelites out of Egyptian bondage.  It's interesting to me to note that Scripture says Jochebed was not afraid of the Pharoah's edict, and then as an adult, Moses was not afraid of the Pharoah's anger either.  (Hebrews 11:23-25) Jochebed kept Moses hidden for 3 months until she could hide him no longer, and then, trusting God, put him in a little basket she carefully fixed and set him among the bulrushes in the river, asking Miriam to watch what happens to him. 

In reading the Scriptures surrounding this story, I am convinced that Jochebed taught young Moses well in the faith of his fathers before he had to return to the palace and the princess who found him in the river among the bulrushes.  She was a mom who lived under severe oppression of the ruler of the country, yet she kept her faith in God and taught her children well.  Moses declared he chose to suffer the afflictions of the people of God rather than enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.

Hannah, the mother of Samuel, was a godly woman who taught her three-year old son how to worship God and gave him to Eli the priest to minister at the temple.  (I Samuel 1:28)  What a sacrifice!

Bathsheba was a good mother in spite of the bad beginning with King David's sin and the death of their first child.  She and David dedicated Solomon to the Lord.  Proof of that is found in Proverbs 31:1-9.  The Hebrew name King Lemuel means "the king who was dedicated to God".  Proverbs 31 begins with the words: "The sayings of King Lemuel -- an oracle his mother taught him:"  I believe verses 10-31 are Solomon's honoring words about his mother.  Ah, to be a Proverbs 31 woman!

Mary and Joseph dedicated Jesus at the temple.  We read that Mary was a very godly young woman who was highly favored by the Lord.  She guarded her tongue.  She pondered her thoughts in her heart and was trusted by God to raise His Son for Him in the earth.  But even she had her faults as a mother.  She and Jesus' brothers went to a house where He was teaching and doing miracles to get him out of there, to bring Him home, because they thought He was "beside Himself". (Mark 3:20-21, and verse 31.)  Mary was influenced by public opinion and the opinion of her family in spite of all the things she had hidden in her heart at His conception.  I believe a sword piereced her heart more than once.

Salome, a sister to Mary the mother of Jesus (it is believed) was mother to the disciples James and John, whom Jesus referred to as the "sons of thunder".  Since they were family, she and her sons were very close to Jesus, and she was very ambitious for prestige and wanted her sons to be given the positions of honor at Jesus' right and left when He comes into His Kingdom.  Can you imagine along with me the embarrassment (or maybe anger) she must have felt when Jesus told her "No"?

Eunice, Timothy's mother, and his grandmother Lois, were women of faith who had great influence on his life.  Thank God right now for your mother and those women who influenced your life for godliness.

You can read of mothers in the Old Testament whose sons became king and were godly even though their fathers were evil.  Those mothers would have had to be the influence for good to them; what a tough job that must have been, because mother and father were not in agreement.  Other kings turned out badly even though their mothers had taught them well. 

Your children still must be responsible for their own actions; you can't make choices for them, much as you might like to sometimes.  Pray for your children; God can do more in ten seconds for them than you can do in a lifetime of trying to control them.  Control drives them away from you.  Teach them to seek what pleases God -- not people.  Give them freedom to have their own boundaries, to make their own mistakes, to say "yes" or "no", but love them no matter what.  God gives us grace, and the goodness of God leads us to repentance, Scripture says.  Trust God to work in their lives as He has worked in yours.

My opening statement begs the question: how do we deal with regrets in mothering?  One thing that has been very healing and helpful for me is to go to my children and ask their forgiveness for wrong parenting.  They have been most gracious, even saying they don't remember the incidents as I do.  Telling God honestly and exactly what we did that was wrong and asking His forgiveness is very healing and freeing.  Jesus' blood washed away all our sins at Calvary, and He remembers them no more. 

Sometimes we mothers have to forgive our children for ways they have hurt us, too.  Forgiveness is a gift you give, not just to them, but also to yourself, because it frees you.  Someone once said, "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy dies."  It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. 

Dear mother, whoever you are reading this post, be blessed with the freedom and joy that comes from knowing that Jesus has forgiven all your sins and mistakes.  Don't be so hard on yourself; sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  God can redeem anything, and in all things He works for our good if we belong to Him.  He can even cause your mistakes to turn out well.  God can unscramble an egg, untangle the strings of our lives.  Take heart!  Don't let the enemy, Satan, steal your joy, love and peace.  God loves you unconditionally, without reservation.  Believe it, and be free from regrets! Don't mother them.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy