“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
It is like precious oil poured on the head…for there the Lord bestows
his blessing, even life forevermore.” (Psalm 133:1-3)
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you
a spirit of unity among yourselves
as you follow Christ Jesus.” (Romans 15:5)
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3)
“…Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Bear with one
another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which
binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:14)
How can we have a spirit of unity in our homes? We are to put on love, which binds all other
virtues together in perfect unity. What
does love look like in practical ways?
Let’s look at I Corinthians 13:4-7:
“Love is patient…” What does it mean to be patient? Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary
defines it as “bearing pains or trials calmly and without complaint; showing
forbearance under provocation or strain; not hasty or impetuous; steadfast
despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.”
This means that when a spouse or someone in the family does something
that hurts our feelings, makes us angry, or does or says something thoughtless,
we choose not to react with anger, either in tone of voice or action. Instead, we yield to the mind of the Holy
Spirit in us to forgive the offense and keep our thoughts, tongue and actions
under control. If I love my husband and
family, I do not react to bad behavior with anger or resentment.
Love is kind. How pleasant our homes would be if we
practiced doing something nice for one another each day! A little kindness goes a long way in
beautifying relationships. I think of
the chorus of the Curt Sapaugh and Bobby Austin’s song that says, “You’ve got
to try a little kindness, show a little kindness; shine your light for everyone
to see; and if you try a little
kindness, you’ll overlook the blindness of the narrow-minded people on a
narrow-minded street.” I think of the
scripture in Proverbs 31:26 (KJV), “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in
her tongue is the law of kindness.” When
I love my husband and family, I speak and act with kindness toward them.
Love does not boast. Who wants to be around a “blowhard” every
day, who brags about what he has and does, and puffs himself up? Not me.
When a person brags, it seems he tries to make himself look better than
others. It shows insecurity. “Let another praise you, and not your own
mouth.” (Proverbs 27:2) If I love my
husband and family, I give compliments whenever I can.
Love is not proud. A proud person looks with disdain on
others, easily finds fault with them, and thinks he has superior
knowledge. Doesn’t God say, “Knowledge
puffs up, but love edifies?” (I Cor. 8:1) A proud person can even think he
knows better than God, and doesn’t think it worthwhile to hold on to the
knowledge of God through His Word. If I
love my husband and family, I acknowledge the good in them.
Love is not rude. When we shove others aside, interrupt a
conversation to get our point across, sit in a chair we know someone else
prefers, quickly take the choice piece of meat at dinner, etc, we are rude. Rudeness gives offense and has no
consideration for the feelings of others, makes crude jokes, is discourteous,
coarse and vulgar. If I love my husband
and family, I comport myself with dignity and prefer them before myself.
Love is not
self-seeking. When we try to
control others by making them do what we want, we are self-seeking. We try to advance our own interests over
others. We try to control others by
issuing ultimatums, throw a temper tantrum, use the “silent treatment,” be
passive-aggressive (refusing to say what we want, but act in destructive ways),
be stubborn, and demand that our choices and preferences be honored. We don’t consider others. If I love my husband and family, I am
considerate of their feelings and wishes.
Love is not easily
angered. Life is full of
irritations. Do I have a short fuse to
my “blow point?” Proverbs 15:1 says, “A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives vent to his
anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Proverbs 30:33 says, “For as churning the
milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up
anger produces strife.” Proverbs 22:24
tells us, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with
one easily angered.” Continually
harping on a negative subject brings strife into the home and all our
relationships. If I love our spouse and
family, I am gentle and soft-spoken.
Love keeps no record
of wrongs. Wow. That’s a big one. I once knew a woman who kept marks on a
calendar of the days her husband didn’t behave the way she wanted him to, and
withheld sex from him as punishment. She
treated him like a child, and I can tell you the marriage didn’t last. How many times do we allow our mind to replay
“tapes” of hurtful conversations, or relive the hurtful actions of others? We need to give grace and freedom to others;
God gave us His grace through salvation in Jesus Christ, keeping no record of
our wrongs against Him. I’m so glad! If I love my husband and family, I don't throw their failures in their face. I keep no
record of their wrongs.
Love does not delight
in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
Are we glad when misfortune strikes someone we don’t like? Do we want truth to triumph, or are we
more interested in our own version of “the truth?” If I love my husband and family, I speak the truth, rejoice in the truth, and pray for those caught in evil.
Love always
protects. Do I like to spread juicy
gossip? Do I betray a confidence? Do I embarrass my children by
telling their faults to their friends or at family reunions? Do I dishonor and disrespect my husband by
telling his faults to my girlfriends or my mother? How would we like it if God went around
telling everyone our missteps, our sins of thought and deed? If I love my husband and family, I will
protect them from embarrassment.
Love always
trusts. Love believes the best of
our family members. We trust our
children when they declare their innocence in a matter. We stand by them rather than immediately
casting doubt on what they say. I trust
my husband to stay faithful to our marriage vows. If I love my husband and family, I will trust
them to do the right thing.
Love always hopes. Love never gives up on a family member; hope
never fades regardless of circumstances.
I think of the prodigal son, whose father watched daily for him to
return from his life of ruin. When I
love my husband and family, I will never write them off.
Love always
perseveres. We persist walking in
love in spite of opposition or discouragement, regardless of what others may
say about a child or husband or a fellow believer in the body of Christ. When I love my family and husband, I endure
verbal assaults, disdainful looks, etc, without weakening in my love for them.
Love never fails. God IS love; God never fails. God treats us the same way He asks us to
treat others. We can apply God to all
the ways of love we just talked about. If
we walk in love, we will keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of
peace. We can’t have unity without
peace. And peace only comes when we love
others. Indeed, Psalm 133:1 is so true:
“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head…” The Holy Spirit is likened to oil in
scripture, and we certainly need the Holy Spirit’s power to walk in love, don’t
we?
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3)
Make every effort to walk in love!
*All scriptures are from the NIV translation of the Bible
unless otherwise noted.
Copyright © Elaine
Beachy 2013
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