That pesky, negative self-image! Why does it seem to follow us around? Can you relate? We know we do most things well, but when we
forget something important or someone makes one negative comment about our
efforts, appearance, cooking, children, etc, our spirits sink and we succumb to guilt, heap blame on ourselves, and wallow in misery for hours, or even days. We have a difficult time seeing ourselves as
worthy of love, unworthy of being loved or given grace even by God.
It’s true we are not to brag on ourselves, for Scripture
says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not
your own lips,” (Proverbs 27:2) but as Christians, we should have a sanctified
self-image and learn to receive compliments with humility.
Our son Doug has done some studies on Japanese culture and
language. He told me that if someone is
given a compliment in that culture, they quickly say, “It’s nothing – it’s
nothing!” And if you leave a tip in a
restaurant in Japan ,
they are highly insulted because they interpret that to mean they haven’t done
a good job in serving you. They’ll think
you want them to do more – that the service was bad.
Recently a friend on Facebook addressed a comment to me: “Mom
can never seem to be able to enjoy her own food. She always frets about it, and is convinced
it didn’t turn out good (though it’s always delicious!) Is this an Amish thing, or is she just
unique?”
Being raised Amish is a
unique experience in that a lot of cultural importance is placed on growing food,
harvesting and preserving food, as well as food preparation and hospitality. I
think cooks mentally compare each other's cooking much like women tend to compare
their physical appearance to others.
Perfectionist tendencies
make us so self-critical. It's okay to not be perfect! The Lord knows I'm not,
but I decided several years ago to like "me" anyway! Sometimes cooking for others is a way we show
love, and when the end product doesn't meet our own high standards and expectations,
we subconsciously feel a loss of self-worth. We put a lot of pressure on
ourselves.
This mother would graciously
give kindness and grace to other cooks who thought their food was not good, and
find something encouraging to say. Why
not treat herself as she would the other person? Something to think about.
There are underlying
reasons for our thinking processes, and if we know what they are, we can be
conscious of them and ask the Lord’s help in changing them. There are many experiences that shape our
self-image as children and adults.
Sometimes a mom or dad
thinks they are showing love to a son our daughter by continually pointing out their
faults. One such young man, when asked
to describe his mother, said she was disapproving, demanding, impatient and
unreasonable – hard to please. He had
become a driven perfectionist who felt he could never please God or be close to
him. Parents can criticize their
children to the point of exasperating them, making them feel hopeless and like
a failure. Ephesians 6:4 reads,
“Father’s, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord.”
As you can see, what we
experience as children affects our view of ourselves and, worst of all, our
image of God—the only One who can change our self-image. We must know how much He loves and accepts us
in order for us to accept ourselves.
When someone gives us a
compliment, we should humbly say “Thank-you” instead of feeling embarrassed or confused
about whether to accept or down-play the compliment lest we be perceived as
prideful. When someone gives me a
compliment, and I negate it, am I not telling the other person her opinion is
worthless? How does that make her feel?
Also, if you repeat
negative things about yourself, you reinforce those recorded thoughts and
beliefs, kind of like worn grooves in an old LP album. Remember how it sounded when the needle got
stuck? Sometimes we can get stuck in bad
thought patterns.
It seems we in the church
have somehow been conditioned subconsciously to be negative. We don’t give ourselves permission to think
of ourselves in a positive light – the light of God. Instead, we feel uncomfortable when someone
says something nice to us.
Romans 12:3 says to “not
think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with
sober judgment.” That is not saying you
shouldn’t think well of yourself. If you
don’t love yourself, how can you love your neighbor?
You don’t love yourself by
focusing on your faults. And you don’t
love your neighbor by focusing on his, either.
If you’ve been driven to perfectionism because of circumstances in your
life, please know it’s okay to give yourself a break for not doing things right
all the time.
I once read the comment, “I
can’t afford to have any thoughts about me that God doesn’t have,” and I
totally agree. God loves us
unconditionally because He has chosen to give us grace. Freely you have received – freely give. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you give grace to
yourself and enjoy your life as you rest in Him. Be of good cheer, and meditate on how much God
loves you. He is the God of all comfort,
and oh, how we need to let Him change our self-image!
There’s a wonderful
bookmark packed with scriptures titled “I am Father God’s Happy Thought!”
available online at http://www.shilohplace.org/products/view/55
that I believe will help you know how God sees you through Jesus Christ. I do have a limited number of them here at
the house if you’d like me to mail you one.
You may e-mail me at elainesplace4@verizon.net
to give me your mailing address.
God bless you, dear reader!
I invite your comments where it says “comments” below. I’ve
changed my settings so you don’t need a Google account; you can publish as
“Anonymous,” and sign your name with your comment in the box if you want
to. I also invite you to become a member of my blog.
*All Scripture references
are from the NIV translation
Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy
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