Since my previous post about Dave’s and my 48th
wedding anniversary, I’ve been asked by several women to tell how our marriage
has lasted that long. Seems it’s a rarity
these days. Roxy* told me she knows of a
pastor’s daughter who got married and divorced all in the space of one month,
and that she isn’t the only one who’s done the same thing! What?
Something is crazy, seriously wrong with that picture! God hates divorce, and it should not happen!
In rebuking Israel for their sins, God said through
the prophet Malachi (2:13 – 16), “And this is the second thing you do: you
cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not
regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.
Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you
and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is
your companion and your wife by covenant.
But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal
treacherously with the wife of his youth.
For the God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s
garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts.
Therefore, take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
If you want to have a marriage that lasts, husband and
wife must both start with a solid foundation.
- Submit your life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. (Romans 10:6-10)
- Honor God's Word as the plumb line for your life. Read it, and take it to heart.
Jesus says, “Anyone who listens to my teaching and
follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the
floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse
because it is built on bedrock. But
anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who
builds a house on sand. When the rains
and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a
mighty crash.” (Matthew 7:24-27 NLT)
The place to start preparing for a solid marriage is when
you’re dating. Whom you choose to date
is extremely important! Find out whether
or not they are a sincere follower of Jesus; don’t date someone who will lead
you away from your love and obedience to the Lord.
- Be in spiritual agreement.
- Commit to sexual purity when dating (and after you’re married).
My mother instilled in me the virtues of sexual purity
and proper behavior toward the opposite sex.
My Amish / Mennonite parents had a deeply committed relationship, in
spite of the fact that my mother’s dad abandoned the family when she was a
little girl, and came back after fourteen years of absence.
I was taught to obey their dating guidelines, as Dave
did his parents, who came from the same cultural background as I. Even though we didn’t like it, we respected
our parents’ wishes to not see one another but once a week, and that was on
Sunday evenings when he brought me home after church. I was a senior in high school, and Dave had
quit school because he hated it with a passion.
So we wrote notes back and forth several times a week, with his twin
brother Jonathan acting as mail carrier. So we didn’t even see one another in
school. Dave did take me to our youth
group activities (he went to a different Mennonite church) and also sang in our
youth choir; so I saw him at those occasions.
We had no television, didn’t go to the movies or go
bowling, because as Mennonites, we didn’t believe a Christian should do those
things. On a typical Sunday night date, after
we got home from church, we joined the family in the kitchen for snacks, and
Mom always had good things set out to eat.
Sometimes we worked on a puzzle at the dining room table with my parents
and four brothers, or played a board game.
When the family went to bed, Dave and I usually had an hour or so alone
together when we listened to LP records as we sat on the living room couch and sometimes
held hands. As we listened, we talked
about such things as our commitment to sexual purity (yes, we discussed it!)
and love for the Lord, sermons and scriptures that were meaningful to us,
school, and family happenings. (More
than once my youngest brother George was caught peeking around the corner at us
before Mom made him go back to bed.)
After six months of dating, I had my first kiss (on my
forehead) as Dave was leaving for home at 10:30 one Sunday night. When I kissed him back on the cheek, he told
me later he floated home.
In warmer weather, we took walks together on the
farm. Talking about our commitment to
stay sexually pure guarded us against yielding to temptation. We valued sexual purity and therefore had deep
respect for one another. Young people
need to commit to proper behavior before temptation strikes so they will stay
pure. And that only comes by placing a
great value on the Word of God. “How shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed and keeping watch [on himself]
according to Your word [conforming his life to it].” Psalm 119:9 (Amplified Bible)
Being promiscuous before or after marriage robs the marriage
bed of sacred joy. But let me hasten to
add that for those who have been
promiscuous, there is forgiveness and healing through Jesus Christ our Lord. If you’re dating (or married) and have
succumbed to promiscuity, acknowledge your sin, receive your forgiveness in
Jesus, change your thinking, stop the behavior, and be renewed by Jesus. But it’s so much better not to have to deal
with intrusive memories of sin and wrong-doing in the first place.
I’m very concerned that too much of the church has
succumbed to the culture of the world that treats sex as a recreational
sport. That mindset needs to
change. Your body is not your own; it
belongs to God if you’re a Christian.
God created the sexual experience for a spiritual and emotional bonding
between husband and wife; it’s sacred, and must be treated as such.
The four things I’ve mentioned in this post are the
bedrock of a lasting marriage. Also
vitally necessary for building your house on that bedrock are life skills in
communication, conflict resolution, and understanding your mate by being aware
of the differences between male and female thinking. More on those in another post.
I bless you, dear reader, in Jesus’ name!
*Name has been changed.
Copyright
© Elaine Beachy
That, my friends, is wise council. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dave, for your comment.
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