Eating Together

There’s something about eating together that engenders fellowship and oneness with people.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich eaten with a friend in a park, kids eating together in a school cafeteria, a burger and fries at McDonalds, or a dinner of fine cuisine in an upscale restaurant.  The act of eating with someone says “friendship.”

I think of the joys I’ve had eating with relatives and friends, like this past Labor Day weekend when I have come away from the restaurants and picnic table feeling nourished not only by the food, but nourished because of loving interaction with family and friends.  There’s an emotional uplift because of mutual respect, exchange of ideas, sharing personal news, discussion of interests, and sharing testimonies of what God has done and is doing in one’s life.

Jesus thought eating was important, too.  He attended a wedding where He turned water into wine.  He ate with publicans and sinners, Pharisees and Sadducees, and with Zaccheus the hated tax collector.  He ate with Mary and Martha and Lazarus and his own twelve disciples.  He broke bread with them after His resurrection.  He cooked fish for them over an open fire on the seashore.  He was concerned about feeding the multitudes.  He was a friend of sinners – laughed, talked, and ate with them.  He was friendly and showed them mercy.  But He always said, “Go, and sin no more.”

Some religious groups like the Old Order Amish practice “shunning.”  That means members are forbidden to eat or do business with someone from their number who doesn’t meet their standard of “holiness” and obedience to the church authorities.  They shun those who, in their opinion, have not shown proper “repentance” for their transgressions. 

They take as their authority for doing so the scripture in I Corinthians 5:11-12: “But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler.  With such a man do not even eat.  What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church?  Are you not to judge those inside?  God will judge those outside.  Expel the wicked man from among you.”

The context for this scripture was that the Apostle Paul chastised the Corinthian church for boasting of being so “open-minded” and full of “grace” that they allowed a man who was having sex with his mother to stay in their fellowship—an act, Paul said, that was not even done among pagans.  Paul instructed them to put the man out from under the protective covering of the church by handing him over to Satan so his carnal nature would be destroyed but his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.  I also think of Jude verse 12, “These men are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm—shepherds who feed only themselves…”  

There is certainly a place for such disciplinary action by the church if the criteria are met, but leaders must do what Jesus said in Matthew 7:24: "Stop judging by mere appearances and make a right judgment."   

Speaking of shunning, my mother can tell you about the pain of Amish shunning.   

When she was but three years old, my mom’s Amish dad abandoned his young wife and family of four little children and went out West.  He stayed away for fifteen years, and they never heard a word from him during that time.  Lydia, his wife, had to work as a maid taking care of other Amish families’ babies while her own were first given to the care of her 63-year-old parents and then parceled out to Amish relatives when they were old enough to “earn their keep.”  For many years, my mom only got to see her mother briefly on Sundays at church.  It pains me deeply even now as I write this to think of the emotional scarring, pain and deprivation my grandmother, my mom and her brothers and sister endured.

But my grandmother, Lydia, kept faith that he would one day come back. 

When my mother was eighteen, she found out his address and wrote to him, asking him to please come home.  And one day, out of the blue, he walked in across the porch and through the front door! 

The grandparents contacted all the children that they were supposed to come home.  The great surprise and temporary shyness was soon replaced with joy as their father greeted them.  My mom and her siblings and their mother were ecstatic.  Oh, how they rejoiced together.  God had answered their persistent and fervent prayers!  How wonderful it was to be reunited again as a family after fifteen years of painful separation. 

After Sam was home, instead of rejoicing, his Amish church gave him the “left hand” of fellowship.  He was out in the cold, with no church home, no Amish friends.  His own family and former friends were not supposed to eat with him, or do business with him.  Otherwise, they would be shunned. Talk about an impossible way to make a fresh start in his community!  He knew he’d be shunned if he came home, but he came anyway.  That took a lot of courage.  God bless you extra-special in heaven, Grandpa Sam, for your humility and obedience to the Lord.  Thank you for coming home to Grandma, my mom, and the family.

One day their family was invited to dinner at the home of someone in the Amish church.  When it came time to eat, my mom noticed a little table in a corner set with a single plate of food.  A pang of emotion shot through her entire being.  She knew immediately who that isolated table was for.  Her dad did not fall into any category of sin mentioned in the above scripture, but he was shunned anyway by those she deemed friends.

  

When Sam saw the “shunning table,” he quietly turned and retreated to the living room where he sat by himself and went hungry.  My dear mother endured such searing emotional pain during the meal, she could barely eat.  I’m glad my grandfather stood up for righteousness and shunned unrighteousness.  

(Sam left the Amish culture and was taken in as a member of Springs Mennonite Church in Springs, PA, and made new friends, built a successful "Sam Beachy & Sons" business, invented and patented the first endless tread garden tractor in the United States, and became an outstanding and generous member of the community.  He and his sons also built a successful apple butter factory on the premises.  When Sam was no longer in the Amish culture, I understand that the Amish could do business with him.)  

Besides physical nourishment, eating together is for fellowship.  It’s a social bond that can serve us well, but eating together for many families is a painful event which many avoid because of bitterness or disagreements.  Sometimes one member (or several) of the family displays a “holier than thou” or angry attitude which makes eating a tense and unpleasant event.  Eating when angry, fearful or resentful can cause one to get physically sick.

It’s also vital that husbands and wives don’t go to bed angry with each other.  Make peace with one another.  Catch the little foxes before they spoil the vine, as King Solomon said.  If you don’t, it will affect your health, eating and bonding with your family.

    

As we anticipate the coming holiday celebrations, there will be many family gatherings and social events.  Please settle disputes and disagreements before gathering around the family table.  Seek peace and pursue it, as Scripture says in I Peter 3:11 and Psalm 34:14.  We want to come away from the table feeling nourished in spirit, soul, and body.

We are to do everything without wrath (unholy anger) or doubting (fear), lifting up holy hands in prayer to the Lord.  (I Timothy 2:8)  I believe the same truth applies to eating together, don’t you?

Just think—some euphoric day we believers will all eat together around that great special decked-out table in Heaven at the marriage supper of the Lamb, Jesus our Savior and Bridegroom!  What a time of supreme fellowship, joy and gladness that will be!  Eating here on earth should be a tiny foretaste of joys to come!

*All Scriptures are taken from the NIV Bible

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy