Little Foxes

A Simply Said wall application above the door to our bedroom

Divorce is devastating to adults, but especially so to children.  It brings intense feelings of anger, rejection, resentment, retaliation, hopelessness, guilt and shame.  The wounds are very deep, devastating and difficult to heal.  Two people who were joined together at the deepest soul level are being torn apart, and the pieces are not pretty. 

Little foxes spoil the vine, as King Solomon said in Song of Solomon 2:15.  Divorce doesn’t just happen overnight.  It begins little by little.  In the case of infidelity, the offender begins to have thoughts he / she should not heed.  Infidelity so often begins with pornography seen on the internet or in magazines, or an inappropriate interaction with a co-worker.  Repeated thoughts turn into actions, and repeated actions turn into the fruit of adultery and usually, divorce.  

To safeguard your marriage, never go to bed with resentment in your heart toward your spouse.  This is done by humbling yourself before the Lord and saying in your heart to Him, “I take authority over this resentful thought in Jesus’ Name; it will have no power over me or my marriage.  I choose to forgive my husband / wife, and I bless him / her in Jesus’ name.”  Allow it no place in your mind, for, as surely as you’re reading my words, it will grow rapidly into a weed that can choke the good will right out of your marriage.

Then, if necessary, talk to your spouse about what they said or did and how that made you feel.  Don’t say things like, “You always…,” or “You never…”  That drives the wedge in deeper and Satan cheers.  Instead, tell your spouse, “What you said / did makes me feel....”  You fill in the blank: angry, disappointed, sad, afraid, unloved, disrespected, etc.  If your mate has any empathy at all, the gap can be bridged and peace made by verbal apology, assurances, a hug and kiss, etc.

Keep control of your mind, your thinking process.  Refuse to allow your mind to fantasize about a relationship with another person.  Kill it at the root immediately.

Don’t let your imagination run wild or allow the devil’s lies to blow things out of proportion.  Be rational and willing to listen to your mate's feelings and point of view. 

Don’t give the devil materials to construct a wall of division while you sleep.  Remember the devil hates you and your spouse; he hates godly marriage, and seeks to destroy it wherever and whenever he can.  He is relentless.  You must also be relentless in refusing to allow even the teeniest offense to build a stronghold in your mind.  Forgive, and be forgiven; don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry.”  Run those little foxes off; don't allow them to hang around "just a little longer."  Don't nurse a grudge -- ever.  It may seem tiny, but it is a deadly seed.  

So often in an argument, nobody wants to be the first one to apologize, because you believe the other person is clearly in the wrong.  The silent treatment and turning backs to one another is another maneuver the devil applauds.  But a heart touched by the Spirit of God will be one of humility and wisdom.  “The wisdom that is from above is first of all pure, then peaceable, gentle; willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.  Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”  James 3:17-18 (NKJ)

Sometimes one might think, "Why is it always me having to give in first?  Why can't she/he humble themselves first?"  I believe in a comment I heard once: "The one who is the most mature spiritually goes first."  How's that for competition?

I'm not saying one should be a door mat for the other one to always step on.  Far from it.  Part of a good marriage is confronting behavior that makes one feel like a door mat and talking about it.

No one said having a good marriage is easy; it requires a lot of dying to self in both husband and wife, and having an ultimate allegiance to their marriage vows said before God and other witnesses.  It requires living to please the Lord rather than oneself.

“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’  And He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.”  (Matthew 19:4-6, NKJ)

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy