Self Control and Purity

The apostle Paul writes in Titus 2:3-5: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers, or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” 

My two previous posts were on husband/wife relationships, and mothers loving their children.  Today I want to talk about what I would say to a young wife about being self-controlled and pure, with the goal being not to malign the Word of God.

What does it mean to malign the Word of God?  According to Webster’s Ninth Collegiate Dictionary, “malign” means to be evil in nature or influence; showing intense, and often vicious, ill will.  It also means to utter misleading or false reports that injure and speak evil of someone or something.  Even subtle misrepresentation, not always deliberate lying, along with continued attack on a reputation, defames and slanders a good name. 

This means that women are to exhibit self-control and purity so no one can speak evil of God’s Word and bring disrepute to the name, “little Christ,” or Christian, by how a woman behaves. 

If you’re like me, you automatically associate the word “self-control” with dieting and weight loss. I have been conditioned to primarily think that way too.  And not over-eating certainly is part of being self-controlled.  So is drinking wine in excess, which causes drunkenness and ungodly behavior.  Indeed, our Scripture passage from which I’m writing these posts says that the older women should teach the younger wives not to be addicted to much wine.  But there are other areas I want to address as well.

We need to refrain from gossip.  James 3:2 says “We all stumble in many ways.  If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.”  Whether at a Bible study or a Pampered Chef party, it’s especially easy for women to gossip about someone, dissecting juicy tidbits of gossip that make one feel better than “that person.”  Ask God to fill you with His love for others; practice thinking kind and helpful thoughts about others, giving them grace just as you would want to receive grace from someone.

We women need to keep our tempers under control.  We can’t suck words back into our mouths after they leave the lips.  We need to regularly pray, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”  (Psalm 141:3)

You may not think that the subject of keeping your promises is a matter of self control, but it is.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep or have no intention of keeping.  Your word must be your bond.  Psalm 115:4 tells us we must keep our promises even when it hurts.  Be a woman of integrity! 

Be pure in heart.  What does that look like?  It means having eyes only for your husband, and keeping the secret places of your heart devoted to him, your marriage relationship and your family.  Don’t look to another man (pastor or not) for understanding, sympathy and counsel.  Keep yourself only to your husband, so long as you both shall live.

I’ll add a personal illustration here that I shared sometime in 2012 on this blog.  When my kids were in school, I became addicted to watching soap operas.  One day I suddenly became aware of the thought, “having an affair wouldn’t be so bad.”  I was shocked at the thought.  In horror, I watched as the Lord revealed to me what my life would be like if I ever had an affair.  I would lose my Christian witness, my family, my children’s respect and influence in their lives, and bring disgrace on my whole family.  It terrified me so badly that I turned that TV off and never watched any soap operas again! 

So I’m warning you: be careful what you watch on TV.  The devil uses subtle means to sow his thoughts into your brain.  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  (Proverbs 4:23)  Be careful of the romance novels you read.  Would Jesus want you to read them?  Would Jesus approve of the TV shows you watch? 

We women need to be circumspect about the way we dress.  I believe the way a woman dresses reflects what’s in her heart.  Is her heart pure?  Then she will want to dress modestly.  By that I mean she will be very self-conscious of wearing plunging necklines and short skirts.  I know it’s very common, even in church, to see women and young girls with necklines that show three to four inches of cleavage.  I have been embarrassed more than once by what I saw.  Ladies, don’t shame yourself or the name of Jesus by dressing like that.  Wear what you would want to wear around Jesus, and you’ll do well.  Don’t let your heart be drawn to lure the attention of the opposite sex.  It matters how you live.  The Spirit of God works through your born-again spirit to change you.  A heart that wants to please God above all else is key here. 

I love the way the Amplified Bible translates I Timothy 2:9: “Also I desire that women should adorn themselves modestly and appropriately and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with elaborate hair arrangement or gold or pearls or expensive clothing, but by doing good deeds…as befits women who profess reverential fear for and devotion to God.”

For two years before I got married and one year after I was married, I worked in the Flushing Shirt Factory in Meyersdale, PA.  I worked next to a lady who was an unbeliever.  At that time I was a Mennonite, and I’d been trying to share Jesus with her, when one day she quipped, “You know, those Amish women who wear long dresses are no better than those who don’t.  It just takes them longer to get their skirts up.”  Talk about diverting attention from the subject at hand!  But I wondered if she knew someone who lived an immoral lifestyle.  I sincerely hoped not.

Be self-controlled and pure, dear sisters in Christ.

God bless you.

(All Scriptures are from the NIV unless otherwise noted.)

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy