Parents who don't give their kids emotional warmth and nurture or who mete out harsh physical punishment produce bullies. Kids tend to give out what they get at home, and retaliate on others with the anger and violence they feel within themselves for the treatment they receive, either from their parents or an older sibling. Too many children also witness abusive treatment of one parent against the other, and feel powerless to intervene. This devastates the child and family unit. The child may lash out at others in school to release his pent-up anger he wishes he could release on the abusing parent.
I was surprised to learn that overly-permissive parents who don't give their child healthy boundaries, or don't supervise their children, also produce bullies. I believe these children are wanting their parents to care enough to set good boundaries on their activities and behavior; they want to feel cared for. If there are no boundaries, the child feels he is not worth a parents' love and notice. Violence can be the result of his feeling emotionally abandoned.
Another factor that causes bullying is the violent TV shows, movies, and video games that our kids are allowed to indulge in. Is it any wonder that children tend to act out what they see in these venues?
Bullying in schools is a huge problem in our nation. In my research on bullying, students reported that teachers and staff don't address bullying in the classroom, and there's little student supervision in the lunchroom, at bathroom breaks, and recess. One middle-school student I talked to said bullying in her school is a big problem; girls gossip with judgmental attitudes and bad language about another girl's appearance. If you don't wear a certain brand of clothes or shoes, you are ridiculed and minimized. There's a lot of "girl drama," a "king of the hill," and a "who's who" kind of hierarchy. This student also told me she felt bullied by a teacher who ridiculed and censored her in front of her classmates for giving a report that didn't agree with the teacher's political point of view. She told me teachers definitely push their own politically-correct ideas and want to force the kids to fit her mold.
Our children must be taught to look for God's approval, not their peers.
And I would add here that in our current culture where homosexuality is in vogue in our schools, that parents must teach their children to stand against being indoctrinated that it's "okay." Additionally, we must teach our young people not to say derogatory things against students who say they are "gay," but rather teach our kids to show kindness and respect to everyone, and pray for those who are drawn into the sin of homosexuality.
How do we begin to solve the bullying problem? The answer begins in each person, each parent, having a love relationship with the Lord Jesus. Acknowledge our own wrong-doing and rebellion before God and ask to receive forgiveness of our own sin. Ask Jesus to be the Pilot of our life and baptize us in the Holy Spirit. Find a good church that upholds God's Word as final authority on any subject, read the Bible for ourselves and talk to our Pilot about everything that concerns us. Only when we realize how much we have been forgiven by God, can we give out that love to our families.
We are not fit to be in authority unless we are under God's authority!
We as parents will do well to heed the instruction of our Creator in teaching and training our children. We are responsible to lead them to the Word of God for answers, so when they are on their own they will know how to behave and choose wisely for themselves. We need to teach them that God is our final authority on everything. It's not enough to shout, "Because "I said so!" Maintain a respect for the Word of God; don't rationalize or compromise or deviate from what is right. Parents must teach their children to have a Compass that points True North; the Compass that will never lead them astray.
Proverbs 4:20-27 reads, "My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them withing your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that re firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."
This gives children a solid foundation for all of life; they will feel loved and cared for as they see you, the parent, live out your life by the same standard you hold out to them. And it takes diligence and faithfulness. I think of the Scripture in Galatians 6:9 (NIV) "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." That good harvest will be healthy, happy children who will bless society and help change American culture in a godly way.
To combat bullying, after the personal foundation is right, parents need to be taught to have good parenting skills:
- Know your role as a parent
- Don't expect too much of young children
- Understand the developmental stages of children
- Understand their needs -- listen with your heart
- Don't see punishment as a way of training your child. This will result in a child having a poor self-image, feeling s/he can never please you. Discipline is different than punishment. Discipline takes godly effort to show them why their behavior was wrong. Punishment is "getting even," lashing out in anger because your child may have embarrassed or inconvenienced you.
What should you do when your child comes to you with a bullying complaint? Here are some suggestions:
- Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"
- Avoid "knee-jerk" reactions, such as lashing out verbally in anger at the one who hurt your child. You may upset your child by such a reaction, which may cause him to want to protect you and himself by not telling you any more or by denying it.
- Approach the situation in a calm, respectful way that acknowledges and respects your child's story and feelings.
- Get your facts straight.
- Ask questions of others.
- Be your child's advocate, but ask if he/she maybe could have responded better in the situation. Together, think of ways s/he could respond.
- Pray together for the one who did the bullying.
- Teach her to have good boundaries and self-protection
I extracted some helpful information from the following website: http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/bullying-facts/
So much more could be written about child abuse and bullying, but my prayer is that the book I've written (and the two to follow) will help stop child abuse and bullying in our society by modeling a happy, godly home. My first book for children is titled Biff and Becka's Springtime Adventures. Godly attitudes for relationships and parenting are interwoven amid the young characters' antics and experiences. Intended to be read to kids ages 4 - 8, older children (and parents) love it too. My website is www.elaineandfriends.com, where you may order from my publisher or Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The E-books version is also available, Digital Rights Management-free only through my publisher.
Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy
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