"I just got finished reading your blog on bullying and it's very good. My close friend Morgan told me that two girls in her daughter's school, one of whom used to be a good friend and a Christian, are relentless in bullying Kaylee and are trying to get other students to gang up on her too. The worst thing about it is that the moms appear to be promoting, instead of stopping, these verbal attacks! Morgan would not tell me all that they are saying. When Kaylee first told her mom about the bullying, Morgan was so hurt and angry, she lost her temper in front of Kaylee and had to apologize later.
"Morgan told me it's so hard to love others and not take offense. Her philosophy has always been to let the kids work things out and not interfere every step of the way. I know the mother of the one bully, Kate,* hits her in the face, and was told by her mom that she'll probably get pregnant in High School. She did.
"The mother of Vanessa,* another of the girls who bullies Kaylee, was someone Morgan thought was going to be a her friend in the Lord, but it has not turned out that way. Morgan told me that the mothers of these two girls who bully know that she had Kaylee out of wedlock (although Morgan is married now.) We've talked about it a number of times and realize some of the chief stone throwers could have had an abortion or sex before marriage, but no baby.
"They don't know what all Morgan has gone through. Her daughter Kaylee is quite developed physically and the girl bullies, Kate and Vanessa, are always commenting on that and how she looks in her clothes. Kaylee seems to have a number of friends, and was on the basketball team this fall. Morgan seems to think that was also a source of jealousy on the part of Kate and Vanessa. These two girls are right in the neighborhood. They are very two-faced: one minute they are praising Kaylee, and the next minute they are against her.
"There is a lot of relying on "things" in their neighborhood to keep people happy: pools, cars, clothes, etc. I always pray when I drive through there that God would pour forth His Spirit onto the families there."
Here are my comments. I am appalled that professing Christian women can behave this way and feed the fires of bullying. How the body of Christ needs a revelation of the grace of God toward us, realize we're forgiven, mind our own business and cut others a lot of slack! Somebody say Amen!
What can a child do when faced with bullying? I sent Phyllis the link to a helpful website:
http://extension.unh.edu/Family/Parent/teenpubs/bully.pdf I'll recap some of the ideas here along with some of my own:
- Sit near the bus driver
- Be unpredictable: go to your locker at different times during the day. Take a different route to or from school or leave at different times. Even 5 minutes makes a difference.
- Walk with a friend or group of friends
- Stay calm and don't react with violence
- Maintain eye contact with the bully. Don't look down or try to walk away.
- Say, "Stop picking on me. I won't be your target."
- Say something unexpected like "I guess I'll have to live with being stupid. But wow, you're one of the smart people in the world! Good for you!"
- For a Christian who is bullied, I would suggest s/he look at the bully and confidently say, "I'm so glad Jesus approves of me. I don't need your approval." It will be good for the one being bullied to hear herself say something positive about herself out loud and build social self-confidence.
- Get a book on setting healthy boundaries and learn how and when to say "No" and stand up for yourself. Educate yourself.
- Join a club or youth group, friends you enjoy spending time with.
- Pray for the bully. (In private)
In the case of Kate and Vanessa, one would pray, "Jesus, I bless Kate and Vanessa in Your Name because you told me to. Amen."
I wish I'd remember where I read the account of a young student whose teacher, repeatedly, was unmerciful to him and embarrassed him in front of the whole class on purpose. She was bullying her student. This boy's mother told him to begin blessing his teacher with prayer every day. After a few weeks of this, the teacher was totally changed and thereafter spoke well of him even to the class!
My prayer for Kaylee is that she (and her mother Morgan) will have the spiritual strength to do the difficult thing, take on this bullying situation as Jesus would do, and bless these two bullies. Let's watch to see what God will do!
Thank you, Phyllis, for writing! Your friend is blessed to have you in her corner!
If you'd like to write me, my e-mail is elainesplace4@verizon.net.
*Names have been changed to protect identity.
Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy
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