Causes of Child Abuse

We could talk about abuse of animals and pets.  We could talk about churches whose members are emotionally and spiritually (and sometimes even sexually) abused by the pastor or others in authority.  School teachers who abuse students.  Oppressive regimes, government abuse of power and lawlessness abound in our world. Selfishness, the desire to control, is everywhere.  And selfishness always hurts someone.

But for the purpose of our discussion on abuse, I'll limit my topic to the family unit.

Here are some reasons I believe parents abuse their children:

• poor parenting skills
• were themselves abused as children
• financial tensions
• child care overload
• alcohol or drug problems, or other addictions such as gambling
• poor self-image

At the core of any kind of abuse is the urge to control someone or something.  Sometimes that urge to control shows itself as unholy anger that inflicts pain on someone else, manipulation such as pouting, withholding love and provision, etc.

Children also learn to abuse others as a result of the treatment they receive from their parents, or perhaps an older sibling, or another family member.  Physical or sexual abuse is not always done by the parent(s).  

Anger that leads to child abuse is heightened when a person is too tired, too sleepy or too hungry.  Actually, any number of life's irritants and stresses encourage out-of-control anger.  I know well from personal experience how being over-tired and frustrated can make you feel like losing control.

Our first child, a son, born two months prematurely, had to be away from us in a hospital for a month.  When  he finally came home, I was scared to care for a preemie, as I'd never had experience with that.  Other than the time he almost choked to death on vitamin drops, all went well.

Twenty months later, my baby daughter was born, healthy and well.  For the first three months, for some reason, she cried every night.  One night she wouldn't stop crying.  Seems I had tried everything I could think of to comfort her.  I had pleurisy from getting too cold at night when I got up to feed her, and I was tired.  Her crib was in our bedroom in our mobile home, and my frayed nerves were on edge as she just cried and cried.  I didn't know what to do.  I just wanted to get some sleep, and as the anger at her crying and my helplessness mounted, I suddenly had an urge to pick her up and throw her into a corner of the bedroom.  I remember how shocked and horrified I was at my feelings.  How could the thought of hurting my baby girl even cross my mind? If I had not been a Christian, who knows what I may have done?  I thank God for His power in me that kept me from hurting her in any way.

(As I recall, I finally put a few drops of the McNess company's Aromatic Compound (intended for adults) into an ounce of warm water and gave her that.  It settled her stomach.)

Parenting is a rewarding, but a demanding and often difficult task. One way we can help prevent child abuse is to offer a new mom some time away from the house.  Babysit for her one afternoon a week, or give the young parents an evening out together.  Be a friend; take in a meal, offer to clean her house, do laundry, or whatever would be appreciated by her.  Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on.  Be real.


I told you the above story to say that I too am human.  We have all at times probably been harsh with our children, punished them too severely, did and said things that hurt them deeply.  We ourselves have likely been the recipients of the same.  The truth is, every family on earth is broken in some way or another.  We all need Jesus to make us whole.

If you are a parent or caregiver who has abused your or someone else's child, please know that there is forgiveness and healing through Jesus.  I don't condemn you; I want you to be whole.  Humble yourself and make amends with those you hurt if they are still alive.  If you have not given your life to Jesus and have a relationship with Him, ask Him to forgive you of your sins and make your spirit alive to God.  He will answer your prayer and come live inside your spirit; He will make you a new person!  When you experience God's grace and forgiveness for you, then you can give it to others.  We all need God's eternal life.

God bless you, dear reader!  If you'd like to e-mail me, contact me at elaine@elaineandfriends.com or elainesplace4@verizon.net.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy