Wednesday, August 28, 2013

When Marriage Disintegrates


Tears flowed down Vanessa’s beautiful black face.  She gripped my hands as she related her painful story.

“Elaine, I need God to help me get through this; please pray for me,” she began.  “My husband Gary is white, and we’ve had a beautiful and happy marriage until five years ago.  I’m a breast cancer survivor, and doctors said I should have a hysterectomy so I won’t get uterine cancer.  I went through with it.  Of course, then I couldn’t have any more children, and he blamed me for that.  Our relationship started to fall apart, and these past five years have been a wild roller-coaster ride of a living nightmare because of all the emotional abuse he’s heaped on me.”

She made deep up and down roller-coaster motions with her hands and dabbed at her eyes.

“Don’t get me wrong—Gary wasn’t entirely to blame for the deterioration of our marriage; I bear my share of it.  We’ve both done and said things we regret.  But Elaine, he’s a Christian, and I just can’t understand why he’s acting the way he does.  I feel so confused, so unloved and tossed aside.  Gary always defended me to his mother, who was very much against us getting married in the first place.  He always stood up for me; we loved each other, and for years we had a great marriage.

“What is it with holidays?  Is he trying to make it as painful as possible?  The day before Thanksgiving last year, he told me he’d found someone else – someone younger.  Two days before Christmas, he announced he was moving out.  Then the day before Mother’s Day this year, he served me with divorce papers.  I didn’t want this divorce, and tried to get him to go with me to counseling, but he was stubborn.  Two days before what would have been our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, our divorce was final.”

Vanessa paused and wiped her face with a tissue and tried to compose herself.  After a bit she continued.

“I refuse to medicate myself with drugs or alcohol, or withdraw from church, stay to myself, and do other things I’m tempted to do, but it is just so hard.  I have never walked through anything so dark and terrible in all my life.  I understand why people turn to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain.  But I know that’s a dead-end street, and I’m not going there.

“Our two children are suffering so much.  Daniel is nineteen, has moved out and sees Gary at work; he’s very angry at his dad and struggling with substance abuse.  Amy is twenty-one and lives with me.  I feel like I’ve failed my children… Our once happy home is split in two.  My daughter is slipping into depression, and I feel so helpless to know what to do for her.  I know I need to find some help for her.  I find myself watching way too much TV with her...I know I have to go to work and keep moving… I just want our family relationships to somehow be restored even if we’re divorced… I want our children to have a good relationship with their father.

“Gary said he wants to buy another house, and wants our current townhouse to be put into my name.  Just last week he was so angry because the refinancing on our townhome is taking longer than he'd like, and he blames me for that too.  The truth of the matter is that the refinancing difficulty is his fault because he inadvertently didn’t make the mortgage payment within the allotted time because he was out of town due to the death of his father.  But I just can’t reason with him.  It starts a huge fight, and I’m just so tired.”

My mind was reeling as she unburdened herself.  How my heart went out to her!  I prayed with Vanessa and told her I was so proud of her for not giving up, and for being in church every Sunday instead of staying home and withdrawing.  I told her she was a beautiful woman who has a lot to offer.  Sometimes the best thing to do is just to put arms around someone who’s hurting and cry with them.  

Vanessa inspires me as I see her Sunday after Sunday standing in her usual spot in the church sanctuary and worshipping the Lord with upraised hands.  I know she truly is giving a sacrifice of praise to her Savior, and my heart goes out to her.   

How could this happen to a once-happily married Christian couple?  How could a Christian man, who once stood up and defended his wife to his own mother, now turn on her?  What foundation of offense was laid, one plank at a time, until he became a prisoner in a house of bitterness? 

Do you see why I have such a passion and heart for children and the family?  Why I am so vehemently against anything that would destroy God’s plan for marriage according to the Holy Scriptures?  The world is reeling with sin and pain.  Scenes like this scenario are written in hell, and as mankind agrees with the devil, it is established. 

Stay free of taking offense, dear reader.  Don’t become a prisoner in a house of bitterness. I love you.

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy





Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Violence Among The Young


“We were bored.”  Such was the reason given by two teenagers who shot and killed a man.  Another report said they wanted to be famous.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing yesterday when I turned on my TV and heard the shocking news.  Surely it was a bad joke.  But no. 

Three teens in a vehicle had followed twenty-two year old Christopher Lane and shot him in the back as he was minding his own business, enjoying a jog along a road in Duncan, Oklahoma.  He was here in the United States on a baseball scholarship at East Central University

On probation, fifteen-year-old James Francis Edwards Jr, had been in court that very day to sign papers related to his previous run-in with the law.  He and sixteen-year-old Chancey Allen Luna were charged as adults with first degree murder.  A third teen who allegedly drove the vehicle, seventeen-year old Michael Jones, was also arrested and bond set at $1 million.

The Facebook sites of these three teenagers showed they idolized musicians of violent rap music.  Sky News reported that investigators found this message on one of the alleged killer’s Facebook pages: “Bang.  Two drops in two hours.”  Apparently these three young men were on a killing spree.  The mother of the sixteen-year old said he and his two friends were part of a “wannabe gang,” but said her son was not a killer.*

These kids are sons, grandsons, and nephews.  What went wrong? Were they in search of significance? What was their home life like?  Did they have loving and caring families?  Somehow, I have a hard time picturing that.  Were the parents so self-absorbed and engrossed in their work/careers that they left their sons to fend for themselves?  Did they consider their children hopelessly uncontrollable?  Did violent video games play a part in creating such a callous mind-set?  Did those rap music heroes poison the minds and create a desire to act out what they were hearing day after day?  Did the parents know or care what their sons were listening to and posting on Facebook?  

One thing we know for sure: something turned their lives down the wrong path.  It’s just heart-breaking. 

And one can’t blame the gun laws.  There are laws a-plenty on the books against teens and criminals having guns, but they have them anyway.  Criminals always find ways to get guns.  To say a gun is to blame for this crime is like saying a rope is responsible for a lynching.  Do we need to outlaw ropes, too?  How about rocks, knives, high buildings and bridges, cars, planes, etc?  No—people are responsible for their actions, regardless of whatever is at their disposal or what weapon they use or how they behave in public and private.

Parenting is hard work.  No one said it was easy.  It takes diligence; it takes engaging in discipline when you’d rather just “let it slide” this time, because you don’t have the energy or want to take the time to correct your children.  It takes following through with instructions given and consequences for disobedience.  If you love your children, you’ll know and care about who your kids hang out with.  You’ll care about what they watch on TV, at the movies, on YouTube, or what music they listen to; you’ll teach them to be honest and trustworthy.  Of course, the precursor is that you as a parent are a good example yourself.  Care about your children; take an interest in them, honor them as little people created in the image of God.  It takes nipping undesirable traits in the bud.  Little things turn into big things down the road of life.

Be firm when you have to say “No” to a request, but be careful to choose your battles and think prayerfully before issuing consequences.  Don’t just automatically say “No” when you don’t want to be bothered with a request.  Say “Yes” as often as you can conscientiously do so.

Find good things for your kids to be involved in: sports, music, art classes, church youth group activities, volunteering at a homeless shelter, etc.  Encourage them to get a job mowing the neighbor’s grass for some spending money.   Give them responsibilities around the house and yard.  Have fun together – go on a picnic or go hiking. Talk honorably with your teens.  Let your child know he should be a pace-setter, a leader rather than a follower of what everyone else is doing. 

Most important of all, be a committed Christian and lead him into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Set your teen's sights high; declare God’s goodness over his life.  Your children need to know God cares about them and needs them to make a difference for good in this world. 

Growing up I heard the phrase, “Idleness is the devil’s workshop.”  In the case of this murder, the words, “We were bored,” certainly gives credence to that saying.

I think of the scripture, “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.”  Proverbs 29:15 (KJV) and, “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.”  I Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

The other day I sent a little inspirational e-mail to my grandchildren who have e-mail accounts, and I think it conveys my additional thoughts well.  Here is a partial copy and paste:

In some ways our lives are like a garden. I think the soil is like our heart, right? The kind of seed we sow in that soil will sprout and push tiny shoots above the ground. The more we feed and water that seed, the taller it grows.

Our thoughts are like seeds we sow. I thought of a quote by Margaret Thatcher, Britain’s first female Prime Minister years ago:

“Watch your thoughts for they become words.
Watch your words for they become actions.
Watch your actions for they become habits.
Watch your habits for they become your character.
And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
What we think, we become.
My father always said that... and I think I am fine.”


I think that’s a good motto to live by, don’t you? I like it myself. To keep weeds out of the garden of our heart, we need to destroy thoughts before they have a chance to take root, and then plant good thoughts instead. Thoughts become words, and the words we say steer our lives like the rudder on a ship, as the Bible says in James 3:2-12. Isn’t that amazing?

Enough said.

God bless you, dear reader!



Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy







Friday, August 9, 2013

The Old(er) and the Young




A friend has inspired me with his interest and love of the young generation; he’s also a godly example to his peers.  When he is in a gathering of people, you’ll find him sharing answers to prayer and encouraging others in their walk with the Lord.  How wonderful to see the young in that conversation group as well!

Every Thursday, my friend fasts and uses his lunch hour instead to e-mail, text, and pray for people.  He speaks into the lives of his peers and the next generation. 

For over a year, he and his wife fasted dinner together once a week and prayed for a young man who needed Jesus.  Last fall this precious young man knelt with his father at home and surrendered his life to Jesus as his Lord and Savior.  Hallelujah!  Now my friend drives two hours one way every month to have breakfast with him and encourage him.  He continues to cover him in prayer.

As she spends time with the Lord in daily Bible reading and prayer, a godly grandmother I know is writing a journal for her young granddaughter.  What a priceless legacy!  (I plan to write my memoirs for my children and grandchildren after I publish the third book in my Biff and Becka trilogy.)

The “ceiling” of the older generation should be the “floor” of the young, and we should help them succeed.  But it’s true that often the young insist on finding their own way through life and reject the wisdom and experience of their elders.  That’s why we need to cover them in prayer, give them grace, and encourage them to excel.

There needs to be mutual respect between the generations.  What one gives out comes back; what one sows, one reaps.  What I mean is that if an older person is unkind or critical of a young person, that young one will likely respond to the older person in kind.  Likewise, if a young person is snippy, disrespectful and rude, he should not be surprised if he is not given respect by his elders.

The older generation tends to prefer visiting someone in person vs. using Skype; talking on the phone vs. texting; sending greeting cards and letters vs. e-mail or social media.
 
The older generation provides settled traditions and customs that give structure and support to the young.  The older generation provides a “nest,” if you will, for the younger ones to grow up in.  It has the advantage of experience and, hopefully, godly wisdom that the young people need.  Young ones need to hear and learn of living a life of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, because that’s the only solid footing for them in life.  “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1  

The younger generation is seemingly obsessed with how fast they can communicate with one another, and display intimate details of their life for the whole world to see through glass walls of social media.  Sometimes they do very rash, foolish and stupid things that hurt their friends and their own reputation. 

But they can also more easily envision new things, help invent new technology, help older people learn new things, and have fresh insights about the world around them.  They show boundless energy, enthusiasm and passion for what they believe in, and can encourage the older generation to stoke the fires of old dreams that may have died.

I remember the passion I felt as a teenager about injustice and world conditions.  That passion never left me, and remains today; it’s expanded to passion for the rule of God’s Kingdom on earth. 

As a high school senior in 1964, I heard a lot about Communism and its terrible effects on the lives of those governed by it.  I was moved and deeply impassioned about the horror stories of mistreatment I read, and carried a book titled “You Can Trust The Communists…to be Communists,” around with me in the school's hallways.  It drew some questioning looks from students, but I didn’t care.  I was on a mission to educate the world about these things.  I remember the report I gave in Mr. Deeter’s history class on the atrocities suffered by those held in labor camps in Communist regions.  I don’t think he was too impressed: he cut my report short.

It’s a precious thing when a young person considers a parent or grandparent to be their role model, one to be looked up to.  I remember Miss Horchner’s class in high school where we girls were supposed to give a report on the person we most wanted to be like in life, and why.  I listened as other girls got up and said they wanted to be like a famous country music singer, a dancer, a musician, a gymnast or an actress, etc.  I felt slightly intimidated, but also proud, when it was my turn to stand in front of the class.  I wrote that the person I most wanted to be like was my mother.

I’ll never forget the look on Miss Horchner’s face when I finished.  It was one of being close to tears.  She remarked, “Very nicely done!”

In thinking of the young and old, I remember a scripture in Joel 2:28, NIV, that says, “And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.”  What a wonderful promise from God!

The older generation needs to provide prayer covering for the young generation.  We need to show them we care by extending acceptance and a hand up in friendship as the friend I mentioned.

I know my grandmother Olive Yoder covered her children and grandchildren in prayer and I am blessed because of it.  See more on grandmothers at my blog post in 2011: http://elaine-beachy.blogspot.com/2011/10/grandmothers.html.  Also see a tribute to my parents here:  http://elaine-beachy.blogspot.com/2011/10/picture.html

I hope you’ll take five minutes to listen to this wonderful song by Steve Green: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eERKnxzNzwg  It conveys my heart quite well.

God bless you, dear reader!  I invite your comments below.

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy




    

Monday, August 5, 2013

Honorary Uncle

I have a special place in my heart for my distant cousin and high school teacher, Kenton Yoder, whom I affectionately call my “third son.”  He and our children went to school together and have always been close friends.  Although we live separated by 150 miles, Kenton comes to Virginia to visit several times a year and has been part of our family vacations for a number of years.  He is such a blessing to our family.

Kenton shares my concern and love for the next generation, and his actions prove it.  My “third son” has “done me proud!”  Let me explain.

My first grandchild, Alissa Rose, turned sweet sixteen on August 3, 2013.  Amid the celebration, I was shown an e-mail she received from her “honorary uncle.”

I e-mailed Kenton and asked his permission to publish his beautiful letter: he said “yes.”  I also asked my granddaughter’s permission (and received it) to have her name used.  The following is what I wrote Kenton in my request:

“When I read your e-mail to her, I had tears in my eyes, because I could feel the love and care you had in your heart for her (Alissa).  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for investing in her life – taking the time to write such a lovely thing!

As a grandmother, it fills my heart with much thankfulness to God for placing you in her life.  The generations need each other; indeed, that was to have been the subject of my next blog post… No doubt your words will stay with her forever.  That e-mail is better than anything you could have bought for her.  I am forever grateful for that!”

Without further ado, I present to you the priceless e-mail letter from my honorary son to my granddaughter Alissa:

Dear Alissa,
Happy 16th Birthday, my Honorary Niece! I wonder if you would permit me to talk with you a bit about some things that would perhaps be difficult and awkward for me to mention if we were face-to-face, because they are so important and personal.

There are so many things about you that I enjoy and appreciate. Your whole-hearted enjoyment of the activities you engage in, your lack of pretentiousness, your athleticism and grace in gymnastics, your musical ability, your intelligence, your laughter, your good relationship with Nicole....

God has blessed you with so many gifts and with one very special gift that is becoming vanishingly rare in the U.S. today—two parents who love God, who are committed to and love each other, and who love you. I thank God that you have so far resisted the temptation so common among teenagers in our society today to believe and act as if your parents are stupid, not worthy of your respect and honor. I pray that you will continue to honor your parents’ wisdom, because God really will make that a great blessing in your life.
I don’t know anything (good or bad) about your friends. I was fortunate when I was your age to have friends like your dad, your Uncle Kevin, and your Uncle Doug. They were friends that made me want to become a better person than I was to be worthy of their respect, approval, and honor. Be friendly and kind and polite to everyone, especially to those who lack friends, but surround yourself with friends that you can “live up to,” that make you want to be a better person. Why make your life harder by often being around those who encourage you to do things that are wrong or dishonorable? You are so beautiful in heart and mind and body, you are like the clean, bright flash of a sword in the sunlight. But a sword left in the mud will become dim and dull and rusty. It would grieve me if you let “mud” soil your soul.

One of the hardest things for anyone to do when pressed by a close friend to do that which is wrong is to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. It would hurt God, my parents, and me. Please don’t ask me again.” It makes you feel like a pious prig, as if you were claiming to be better than your friend, and of course you know in your heart that that isn’t really so, that you struggle with sin and temptation just as much as any of your friends. It would be so easy just to go along, not make a fuss. But if you honor God, God will honor you, and it may surprise you the respect and honor you will gain in the eyes of your friends. Going along with evil is always easier and more comfortable, but it will NEVER earn you the true respect of your peers (at least not from any person whose respect you want). I want to encourage you to be the kind of person that your friends can come to for help and advice. If you are drowning, you don’t ask help of the person who is sinking beside you, but from someone who is standing on the bank and can throw you a rope.

Lastly, be a good friend. Guard your tongue. God says it is the hardest thing in the world to tame. Work on finding kind and genuine complimentary things to say about people. Resist the temptation to criticize people who aren’t there; instead shift the conversation to something else. Talking about someone behind her back and not being discreet with secrets that you know are great ways to ruin friendships and lose their trust and confidence.

I am afraid that I have left you with the impression that I do not trust you or that I am afraid for you. This is not so. But having seen you begin so well, I want to see you run the rest of your race with joy and peace and freedom with the fresh wind in your face. Not burdened with regrets and might-have-beens.

I hope you enjoy this next year. 16 for me was a great year, and they just kept getting better into my twenties. I hope you find that to be true in your life as well. More things to enjoy, deeper friendships, more freedom, lots of happy memories. Again, best birthday wishes to you.

Your Honorary Uncle,

Kenton

A marketing slogan from Hallmark Cards comes to mind: “When you care enough to send the very best!”  Thank you, Kenton, for living out that Hallmark slogan and for allowing me to publish your beautifully-written sentiments.

Every child should have a person like Kenton, besides their parents, who will speak into his life.  Together we can build a fortress against the evil one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  How could you speak into the life of a young person in your circle of influence?

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy



Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Dating Then and Now



This Simply Said design is in our bedroom


Our culture sure is different now from what it was when my husband and I were dating.  For one thing, both of were raised in a Mennonite culture where we didn’t have television or go to the movies, or even go bowling or play pool for that matter.  Dave’s and my parents were both farmers, so we knew the value of hard work and were kept busy.  

Dave and I started casual dating when we were 17, and then when he was 19, he went into Voluntary Service for two years.  I saw him only once during that time when he came home for a visit.  Mom and Dad told me I couldn’t get married before I was 21, and I think that’s a very good idea.  When I was young, it was very rare for a couple to break up after they started dating, because we took dating seriously and believed you only chose someone to date whom you’d wish to marry.    

Our dates consisted of going to church together on a Sunday evening, and coming back to our farm house afterwards.  Mom would fix us some lemonade, or cake and ice cream, or popcorn, and then we’d spend time doing a jigsaw puzzle or playing a game with the family present.  When the family went to bed, we’d sit in the living room and listen to records such as “The Norman Luboff Choir, Gospel Guitar, Sons of the Pioneers,” or Ralph Platt’s album, “The Birds Sing His Praise.”  (I remember at least one time one of my four brothers sneaked downstairs and looked around the corner to peek at us.) J 

We would hold hands as we sat on the couch together, and we were 6 months into dating before Dave kissed me on the forehead and I kissed him back on the cheek as he stood in the doorway to leave at 10:00 p.m..  He said he “floated” home that night! J  To be loved is indeed a wonderful feeling.

Our parents taught us sexual purity.  Sometimes we didn’t like their restrictions, but they were trying to protect us, and we respected them for that. Very rarely did we go anywhere alone, except in the car ride to church or to a youth group activity.  The church was a big part of our lives, and we had both given our lives to Jesus Christ.  Because our parents taught us sexual purity, we determined that we would never engage in sexual activity while dating.  And we kept our promise.

Today, so many young people in our sexually-permissive culture have such a skewed view of dating, because it's hormone-driven instead of purpose-driven.  

Our culture has kids spending their time watching graphic television, playing violent video games, and listening to destructive hip hop music on their iPods by idols such as Lil Wayne and his super-filthy lyrics. Too often they don't know stability and the value of doing something productive and fill their idle time with the above. 

Who was it said, “Idleness is the devil’s workshop?”  I remember as a teenager thinking I sure wouldn’t mind having some of that idleness, and I didn’t believe it was the devil’s workshop, either.  I couldn’t imagine what that meant.  What was evil about being idle?  Mom often found me sitting cross-legged on the floor reading a book by the library shelf I had been dusting.  She’d say, “First work, then play!”  And I remember thinking to myself, “Yeah, and all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!” (Or in my case, “makes Jill a dull girl.”)  J  We were taught obedience and responsibility.

Blessed is the young person whose parents:

  • Have a good marriage
  • Lay ground rules for healthy dating and enforce them
  • Love them enough to talk candidly about sex and abstinence
  • Teach him to do good deeds for neighbors
  • Teach him to put God’s Word first in his life
  • Involve him in wholesome youth activities at church
  • Teach him responsibility in helping around the house and yard
  • Encourage involvement in music, sports, art, etc.
  • Have a regular family night to play games or watch a movie
  • Take a daytrip to the mountains to hike or picnic
  • Involve them with extended family on a regular basis
  • Ask God for wisdom to help them raise their children

Yes, the dating culture certainly is different now than it was back then when I was young.  And many more pitfalls are strewn in the footpaths of the young.  But the principles for godly dating remain the same because God doesn’t change.  We can still raise godly children to have healthy dating practices and eventually sound marriages.

I invite you to leave your comments or questions below in the comment section.

God bless you, dear reader!


Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Underage Dating

A culture is created by an atmosphere and a climate.  

How does a culture come to think of underage “dating” as normal behavior for even young school students?  I think a lot of kids associate “dating” with sexual activity: “hooking up” or “getting it on.”  It’s as if our children are being pushed at a younger and younger age to try to deal with emotions and situations they are in no way ready for.

Life for these kids is way too complicated; their emotions and reasoning skills are undeveloped, so they make bad decisions.  They may feel “grown up,” but they certainly aren’t.

Thirteen-year old Ryan and twelve-year-old Sally are on a “date” with their school friends at the theater on a Friday night.  Sitting high up in the dark row at the top, the atmosphere is conducive to some heavy petting.  Hey, their friends around them are into that too, so the climate is one of acceptance—no restraint or guilt or fear of reprisal here.  Because of acceptance, a culture of sexual promiscuity is created.

 Guys brag and compare themselves to other guys as they discuss girls and their own sexual exploits.  Girls feel peer pressure to do certain things to be popular.  These very young “couples” talk about their “relationship,” and if they happen to break up, they say they are “single” again. 

Because of all the social media like Instagram, Facebook, My Space, etc, kids have come to want to know everyone else’s business.  A friend told me her thirteen-year-old granddaughter, whom I’ll call Bryanna, sort of liked a boy (I’ll call Cory) at school.  They would talk and walk around together at school.  One day the kids told Cory to ask Bryanna to “go steady” with him, and he was to tell her to meet in a hallway at a certain time. 

When Bryanna got there to meet him, all the other kids made a circle around the two of them and told him to ask her the question.  To them it was just a game – an event of little consequence.  But Bryanna was terribly embarrassed, and said, “No,” and for a long time after that withdrew and avoided talking to the boy.  The other girls were so mad at her, and said they would take him away from her.  Bryanna faced harassment on Instagram. 

Bryanna was invited to a party one of her school friends was having.  Her mom told her “No,” and Bryanna was very upset.  However, afterwards, another girl who attended the party told Bryanna they played “Seven Minutes in Heaven,” where a boy could take a girl into a private room and for seven minutes do anything he wanted to her.  Really??  I ask: where was the parent in that home?  Unbelievable!

All too often parents think it’s “cute” to see their youngsters “dating” and encourage it.  I even heard one professing Christian dad say about his daughter, “Well, they’re only young once; let them have their fun.”  This in response to the mother who was concerned that their 15-year old daughter was possibly engaging in sexual behavior!  Did he think he was being her friend by not training and teaching her?  Or did he wish to live vicariously through his daughter?

I think it’s fine for young people to be in social outings together such as school or church youth group activities with a chaperon present.  But I believe true serious dating should be reserved for when they are ready to begin looking for a potential marriage partner.

I don’t need to tell you the pain of broken dreams and lives when teen girls (or even pre-teen), left to themselves, end up pregnant, or have an abortion.  I don’t need to tell you the shame felt in a family when a son impregnates a girl out of wedlock.  The spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical consequences are heart-breaking and cause trouble for the whole family and society.  Proverbs 29:15 (NKJ) states, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

(I want to add here that if you have been caught in any of these heart-breaking situations, don’t feel condemned.  Rather, be humble, go to God, ask His forgiveness, and He will give you a clean slate.  The blood of Jesus cleans you from all sin.  He can give you a brand new start!  Yes, He will!  If you have never given your life to Jesus, see my July 15, 2013 blog post “SAVED.”)

 Parents, we must be guardrails for our children.  They feel loved and cared for when they have healthy boundaries, when we care enough to talk gently and with respect about sexual matters.  Parents, the most important thing we can do for our children is to have a healthy, personal relationship with Jesus Christ ourselves.  Children live what they learn.  Know God’s Word, and show them what God says about sexuality and their bodies.  (See 2 Timothy 2:22, I Thessalonians 4:4, and I Peter 5:8-9.  Also see my previous post titled “Marriage Matters.”)

In the maze of sexual murkiness, will you please be the light for your kids to follow?  If you’re a grandparent, will you help be their compass, too?  Parents, will you please help your precious children find their way safely through the minefield of sex hormones, drugs, self-esteem issues, peer pressures and a worldly dating culture?  Will you teach them to dress with modesty?  

Dads, this includes boys who wear their pants below the buttocks.  You should know it’s a practice that started in prison among homosexual men.  According to a TV show I saw on this subject, the male who wore his pants in such a way signaled he was the submissive one—if you get my meaning.  The dominant males wore their pants pulled up.  Boys with sagging pants show sagging self-worth and a sagging, shiftless attitude toward life.

Dads, talk to your sons.  Speak with respect and encouragement into their lives.  Show them what it is to be a man of God.  A great book for pre-teen boys is “Lintball Leo’s Not So Silly Questions about Your Body” by Dr. Walt Larimore, MD.  Another good book for teenage boys is “For Young Men Only: A Guy’s Guide to the Alien Gender” by Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice.  Pray much for your son.  Pray with him, too.  Let him hear you pray for him: it does something wonderful in his heart.

Moms, here’s a website about modesty for your teenage daughter: www.modestishottest.com.  “The Pink Lid” is a conference in Florida for all girls 12-18, and will be held near the end of September, 2013.   It’s a conference on modesty, sexual purity and more.  The website is www.thepinklid.com.  

Moms, “Gentle Passages” by Robin Jones Gunn is a wonderful book that offers great help as you teach your daughter the facts of life and sexual purity.  When my granddaughter was about ten years old, I bought it and gave it to my daughter for her daughter.  The ceremony of “The Secret of the Fine China Plate” is so tender and touching.  Pray much for your daughter.  Pray with her, too.  Let her hear you say her name in prayer: it does something wonderful in her heart.

I’d like to close this post with this touching poem from the book by Robin Jones Gunn:

      When Hearts Are Young

Come to me when my heart is young
Let tender words roll off your tongue.
Reveal the sweet mysteries one by one
When my heart is young.

Come to me when my ears are small
Before my thoughts have heard it all.
Whisper clearly God’s gentle call
When my ears are small.

Come to me when my eyes are clear
Before my heart has learned to fear.
Show me the beauty in all you hold dear
When my eyes are clear.

Come to me when my frame is straight;
Before my peers don’t hesitate.
Promise me the blessing for those who wait
When my frame is straight.

Come to me and be the one
Who guides me till this journey’s done.
And on the other shore I’ve become
A woman like you
With a heart still young. 

              -- Robin Jones Gunn

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy

  


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Marriage Matters


Definitions are important; in fact, they are crucial to getting things right. 

The other day I heard a father tell how he, his wife, and some of their children went to the grocery store, voting unanimously that the 12-year old sibling-tormentor could stay home alone.
  
When they got home, the twelve-year-old greeted his dad with enthusiasm at the door.

Son: “Dad, I baked a cake for you while you were gone!”

Dad:  “Oh really?  Wow, that chocolate cake looks great!”  (The father said he wanted to encourage this new streak of helpfulness in his boy, and made a mental note to say something uplifting and encouraging.)  “May I have the first piece?”

His son, turned baker, cut him a big piece and put it on a plate, and handed his dad a fork. The father was determined the first thing out of his mouth must be something positive.  He took a big bite, and the first thing out of his mouth was… the cake!

Dad: “Tell me, did you use a recipe?”

Son:  “Yes, Dad.”

Dad:  “Did you follow the recipe?”

Son:  “Yes, Dad.  I don’t know what went wrong.”

Dad:  “May I see the recipe, please?”

Son:  Hands Dad the card and says, “See, it says to use butter, 2 cups flour, one cup sugar, 2 eggs, and a dash of salt.  The only thing was, I didn’t know what a dash was, so I figured if flour and sugar are measured by the cup, I’d use a cup of salt.”

Definitions do matter, don’t they?  When one re-defines a word, disaster results.

It breaks my heart that the definition of traditional marriage and family is under such great assault today.

Marriage is God’s idea, and He alone gets to say what it is – not you, not me.  We are His creation; He is the Creator.  The first commandment given by God to man and woman when the earth was fresh and new, in pristine condition, (long before the law was given) was His commandment and intention for marriage.  It’s the foundation for all of society, regardless of ethnicity or culture. 

This command is found in Genesis 1:26-28:  “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female, he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.

The Bible tells how this all came about.  In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”  God formed all the birds and animals and brought them to Adam to be named, which he did.  “But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  The man and woman were both naked and they felt no shame.”

Such is God’s design for mankind: one man and one woman to bear children in God’s image, and those children to marry a member of the opposite sex and bear more children, and so fill the earth and subdue it.  These scriptures also plainly indicate that no animal is to be used for sex (bestiality).  Indeed, God later gives written command against such practice, including man lying with man, and woman with woman, or other perversions of God-given sexuality.  It is an abomination to Him.   

God told Moses to speak to the Israelites and tell them not to copy the Egyptians and their sexual practices.  God plainly says in Leviticus 18:22 – 25, “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.  Do not have sexual relations with an animal or defile yourself with it.  A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.  Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled.  Even the land was defiled, so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants…and if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.”

Why the push to change the definition of marriage?  Why the blasé attitude toward God’s design and commandment?  Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.”  People don't know who God is.

Those who claim to love God must love what He loves and hate what He hates.  (Psalm 97:10)

Because they wish to be affirmed in their deception, I’ve heard the argument by professing Christians justifying homosexual behavior saying that “we aren’t under the law anymore.  We don’t keep the dietary laws and clothing rules for the priesthood.  Christian women don’t wear a covering on their heads like it says in I Corinthians 11:13-16.  So why should we pay any attention to the laws regarding sex?" 

My answers are these:

  • Is it okay with God to murder, steal, bear false witness in a court of law (or anywhere else), worship an idol of wood or stone, misuse the name of God, commit adultery, covet your neighbor’s wife or anything he has, etc?  Is it okay to practice pedophilia and rape because one is disposed toward it?  Of course not.  Society can’t be sustained where there is chaos of every kind.  It would be hell on earth.  God gave us these moral laws of behavior to sustain an honorable, orderly society.  God set government in place for our benefit, as Romans 13:1-7 states. 

  • The priesthood laws of wearing garments made a certain way with only certain fibers, the washings, sacrifices, and construction of the tabernacle were all types and shadows of the coming Messiah and are replete with spiritual meaning. Jesus is the fulfillment of those ritualistic laws, and they don’t apply to the Christian.

  • Old Testament laws about food are addressed by Jesus.  In Mark 7:14-16, “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a man can make him “unclean” by going into him.  Rather, it is what comes of a man that makes him “unclean.”   The end of verse 19 says “In saying this, Jesus declared all foods “clean.”   Jesus was saying that the thoughts and desires emanating from the heart is what causes evil behavior and defiles the person.  The Apostle Paul also talks about the dispute over foods and Jewish holidays and the Sabbath day in Romans 14.

  • Concerning women wearing the head covering, the Apostle Paul said, “If it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.”  That was a sign of a loose woman in that culture.  The customary practice for women in church worship was to have their head covered.  (I Corinthians 11: 1-16)  Today most women, except in Middle Eastern cultures, cut their hair.  It’s not a sign of disgrace.  The head covering was a cultural practice – not a moral law.  God never talks about it.

I believe people are guilty of misusing God’s name when they say He approves of something He doesn’t approve of, or vice-versa.  God’s Genesis commandment of marriage and its definition stands; Jesus hasn’t changed.  We can’t have some “new Jesus” who morphed from the One we used to know – the only sinless Sovereign Son of God Who is Sovereign.  Either He is God or He isn’t.  Either we abide by His moral law, or our society goes down the toilet.  

And let me just say, we do not keep the moral law of God in order to obtain salvation and entrance into heaven.  No one can ever please God that way.  No; we put our faith in Jesus who kept the law perfectly for us and was the sinless sacrifice for our own sins.  We want to keep the moral law and live righteously because we love God.  We love what He loves, and hate what He hates.  Our behavior is the fruit, not the root, of our salvation.

Consider this: if God had ever intended marriage to be between two men or two women, He would have surely have given instructions for such a relationship.  But He never did, nor did He ever intend that; for there would be no children, no offspring for God.  The earth would not be filled as He commanded; He would have gone against His own commandment.  Unthinkable!  Instead, we have plenty of instructions from God how a man should treat his wife, and instructions for the family.

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

In Mark 10:5-8 Jesus answered the Pharisees’ question about divorce and why Moses permitted them to divorce their wives.  Jesus says, “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law.  But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not men separate.” 

Matthew 19:4-6 says, “ ‘Haven’t you read,’ He [Jesus] replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  

And I add: let not the definition of marriage be torn apart, either.  Let's keep the definition of marriage straight!

God bless you, dear reader!

*All Scripture taken from the NIV translation of the Bible unless otherwise noted.

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy




Monday, July 15, 2013

SAVED!


“Aging house seemed doomed; caring neighbor stepped in”

Such was the front page headline of the July 5, 2013 issue of The Manassas Observer.  The article immediately piqued my interest because my husband and I have driven by that large, old Victorian run-down house at 9300 Prescott Avenue many times in the nine years we’ve lived in Manassas City.  We always remarked to one another that it’s a shame the 100-year-old house hasn’t been kept up; we’d heard the owner, despite numerous repeated entreaties and ultimatums, refused to respond.  Finally Manassas City had it targeted for demolition, planning to build another house in its place.  That’s when the neighbors took action. 

The paper says, “Mr. Ickrath and two other investors managed to buy the decaying eyesore at the last hour for $118, 750 at a short sale just before a demolition crew was to arrive.”

As I drove by the other week, I was particularly intrigued by what I saw on the chain link fence surrounding the renovation work.  Stuck in the links were red and blue plastic cups arranged to spell the word, “SAVED.”   I knew I wanted to write a blog post about that word, and I determined to get a photograph of the work going on.  So on July 5, I drove as close as I could to the street, walked across the very busy intersection of a four-way stop to take the picture:



I couldn’t help but think how Jesus stepped in to save us from destruction when He came to earth to die for our sins to restore us to fellowship with our Creator.  Each life is like that old run-down abandoned house until God moves in.  The Holy Spirit goes to work, lovingly making all things new. 

Have you been “saved?”  Have you invited the Lord Jesus to move into your life and forgive all your sins, wipe the slate clean and give you a brand new beginning?  A“new birth,” if you will?   If not, why not ask Him to come into your life right now?  Don’t we all want a new beginning?  Of course we do.  The heart of mankind longs to be reinstated to fellowship with his Heavenly Father.  And you don't want to miss heaven! It will truly be "out of this world!"

We are promised in God’s Word, Romans 10:9-13, “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.  As the Scripture says, ‘anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame…Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  What an awesome promise. 

 We cannot save ourselves; no one's good works or attempts to whitewash the broken condition of our lives will ever stand in the presence of a holy God.  It's only by accepting what Jesus did for us that satisfies God; His great heart of love wants to do it all for us!  Isn't that wonderful?  Trust what Jesus did to make you right with God.  You'll want to invite all your family and friends to give their lives to Jesus, too!
  
 A couple of years ago I chose Jack Hayford’s book, “Rebuilding the Real You,” to teach a ladies’ Bible study in my home.  It’s a study on the book of Nehemiah where he, as governor of Jerusalem, is likened to the Governor, the Holy Spirit, in the lives of us believers.

To quote from the online study guide by Jack Hayford, “While our eternal destiny is secured when we open to new life in Jesus Christ, our pathway of spiritual and emotional growth as a disciple is often cluttered with obstacles left over from the past.”  In other words, once you are born again, you need to have the rubble removed and be “rebuilt.”

Do those obstacles to your growth as a disciple of Jesus mean you aren’t saved after all?  No. That’s why the Holy Spirit comes to live in us when we turn our lives over to Jesus.  Restoration is a life-long process as we let Him work in us.

Each of us – the whole human race – has been damaged.  Mistreatment by others, deficiencies, sins, bad habits, and strongholds passed down from ancestors create wreckage that far exceeds our ability to help ourselves.  We need the Holy Spirit Governor to step in and rebuild our broken down walls and foundations.  And He’s an expert Builder! 

In Hayford's study, we learned that the name "Nehemiah" means “the consolation of God.”  His name is synonymous with the Comforter, the Holy Spirit.  In the same manner, the Holy Spirit focuses on establishing a capital center of righteousness in each believer.

Just as Sanballat tried to hinder the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem (see Nehemiah 4 and 6), so Satan tries to hinder our cooperation with the Holy Spirit's "re-building project."  But be of good cheer: Jesus our Savior has already given us the victory!

In what areas of your life do you sense the need to be rebuilt?  Are there weak or damaged areas in you or your family that could use some rebuilding?  Ask the Holy Spirit to take over.  He will save you!  

I invite your comments or questions below; God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy




Saturday, July 6, 2013

Clinical Anxiety-Based Depression

I received a request to do a post on this subject, so if you or someone in your family is suffering from clinical anxiety-based depression, this post is for you.  I’m writing about it because of the devastating effects anxiety has on the sufferer and other family members.  I'm writing about it to help bring understanding and offer helpful tips on how you can help a loved one who is suffering from anxiety.

There is much misunderstanding and prejudice toward people who suffer from clinical anxiety-based depression.  Because they don't know what clinical anxiety is, I have found that especially among Christians, the majority tend to lump the words "anxiety" and "worry" into one category where one worries about finances, health, kids, world conditions, etc. People need to know that the medical condition of clinical anxiety is different from the garden variety of “worry/anxiety” which is nobly overcome by exercising faith in God and His word.  I’ve done it many times myself. 

Well-meaning Christians tell the sufferer that they need to keep their eyes on Jesus and repent of their anxiety.  Or other well-meaning Christians may insist the reason for the anxiety is some hidden sin of which one has not repented.

Worry is sin.  The anxiety I’m talking about is a medical condition where the mind cannot perceive things correctly.  Things seem fearfully distorted when they’re not.  This kind of anxiety is not a “normal fear.”  The mind does not function correctly.  It’s broken.

Someone very close to me can tell you about his six-month experience with anxiety years ago when he took one 24-hour cold medication capsule by Ciba Pharmaceuticals called “Efidac 24.”  Another person I know well  can tell you about his anxiety caused by taking a certain kind of antibiotic; thirty-six hours after he went off it, he felt normal again.  I can give you the name of a mother whose six-year old daughter had anxiety and was put on medication.  I know of a pastor’s teenage daughter who was on medication for anxiety-based depression.

The mind can become broken just like one can break a leg.  The synapses in the brain do not work correctly.  Just because you can’t see the broken mind doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  Here are things you can do to help a sufferer heal:

  • Don’t pressure them to go to church or anywhere they don’t want to go; interaction with others can be overwhelming.
  •  Don’t make the person feel guilty, telling them some un-confessed sin caused their anxiety.
  •  Don’t say, “___________is paralyzed and/or worse off than you, and he still praises the Lord; you need to be thankful.
  • Don’t say, “You need to,” or “You should,” or “Why don’t you…”  It will be perceived as just one more thing to pile onto an already overloaded mind.  It will also be perceived as not being good enough, not performing well enough, that they are deficient and lacking.  It feeds feelings of worthlessness.  It's like placing a heavy object on a broken leg.
  •  Don’t talk about sickness, diseases, who’s suffering with what, who died, etc.
  • Encourage them to take their medication faithfully if they have been given a prescription.  Don't let them see the paper with side effects that came with the prescription, and don't mention them.  Their mind will likely create those side effects if known.  As long as a spouse or caregiver knows about the possible side effects, that's sufficient.
  •  Bless them with words of kindness and love.  For a Christian, say such things as:
    • You are complete in Christ
    • You are fully accepted by Him
    • He upholds you
    • He will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5b-6)
  •  Say, “God cares about you and loves you just as you are”
  •  Say, “The Lord heals you from trauma.” (You may add, “From the death of your parent, of being abandoned, etc, or whatever trauma you know they have suffered.)  Let the Holy Spirit lead you in prophesying God’s Word over them.
  •  Say, “The Lord heals your brain.” 
  • Say, “You are accepted and loved just as you are.” 
  • Ask God to give you compassion in your heart for them.
  • Don’t take their strange, reclusive behavior personally, like they are rejecting you or like you have failed.  It’s not your fault. 
  • Talk about happy things and good news.
  • Smile kindly and touch their hand or shoulder gently when talking with them.
  • Soothing music, like Hawaiian music, is nice.  However, if some music causes pain or discomfort to the person, turn it off. 
  • Watch your tone of voice; speak kindly and gently.  A sharp tone can make them feel rejected, like they are a bother, and will add to anxious thoughts. 
  • Be willing to just sit with them without saying a word. 
  • Most of all, pray for them!

What qualifies me to write about this subject?  I myself suffered from severe anxiety-based depression from 2004 – 2006.  I understand. 

I invite you to leave questions or comments below.

God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy
  


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

America The Needy

           America The Needy

              By Elaine Beachy
              January 20, 1992

Like the teen whose heart rebellious
'Gainst the parent's hand is raised,
Going his own way, now dismal,
Loathes to seek parental aid;

So our country, heart rebellious,
Turned her faith from God alone
To free love, Libbers, drugs, abortions,
New Age crystals -- hapless stones!

With her hand out-stretched for answers,
Beaten, wounded, bloodied, sore,
She relucts to find salvation
From the One she so abhorred.

Struggle on, then, O Rebellious,
Pile on laws and legislate!
Watch your cities, towns and families
Buckle under such a fate...

With His heart of mercy aching,
God waits patiently to see
When her eyes will turn upon Him
So that He might set her free.

Who'll repair the crumbling moorings?
Who will shout the watchman's cry?
Who calls out, "Awake, you sleeper!
"Don you armor!  To the fray!"

Is it not the godly-minded
Who for long were trodden down,
Those with faith in God, united,
Who restore our country's crown?


"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people."  Proverbs 14:34

Happy Independence Day to you and your family!  Please pray for an outpouring of God's Spirit in our churches and over our country.  I also encourage you to read aloud our country's Declaration of Independence as you gather with your family and friends on July 4.  Here's the link: http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/document/ 

Copyright © 2013 Elaine Beachy