The Bait of Offense

Eloise was just sure Patty was mad at her for some unknown reason, because Patty just walked right past her without saying “hello.”

John and Theresa left their church because they felt lonely, unappreciated and overlooked.

Paula slept on the edge of the mattress because she felt Brian owed her a big apology.  Brian turned his back to her and went to sleep.  Big tears slid down Paula’s cheeks and sleep refused to come, as angry thoughts ran laps in her mind.

Leslie couldn’t believe her ears.  Mary, with whom she had prayed and entrusted the secret of a painful affair in her past, told another friend, and now the whole church knew.  She felt totally betrayed.

Clara looked wide-eyed at Lois.  How had she lost all that weight?  How dare she come around flaunting stiletto heels, dressed to the nines, and sporting a new hairdo?  How could she afford those clothes?  Clara looked down at the lumps and bumps on her own overweight body and her three-year-old Christmas outfit.  She fought back the tears as she thought of her husband’s cut in pay and financial struggles. Suddenly she just wanted to get out of there -- leave the family Christmas gathering.

*****

The spirit of offense is a terrible thing that can grow into a root of bitterness in our very souls if not dealt with immediately.  We can feel offended when people seem better off than we are, don’t agree with our opinions, overlook our accomplishments, are rude, mistreat us, etc.  A spirit of offense causes people to feel wounded, misunderstood, hurt, angry, resentful, envious, and jealous.  A spirit of offense makes you want to change somebody else and control them.  A spirit of offense makes you blame others instead of looking at yourself. Makes you want to prove you’re right.  A spirit of offense causes one to misunderstand another and wrongly judge another’s motives.  It’s the spirit behind murders and school shootings, acts of arson and violence of every sort.  It’s a spirit from the pit of hell itself.   

We believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, having received the grace of God, must be a light to the world by heeding the scripture in Hebrews 12:15 NIV: “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to defile many.”  We must give grace to others; “freely you have received, freely give.” Matthew 10:8 NIV

A bitter root begins to grow if we're not established in grace.  The Hebrews scripture above tells us first of all that we are to see to it that no one misses the grace of God.  What does it mean to miss the grace of God?  Let me ask you this question: if we Christians understood how much God has forgiven us, would we refuse to forgive someone else?  If we understood that God approves of us, would we be resentful, envious or jealous of someone else?  If we understood that we are forgiven and cleansed of our sins, would we feel insecure? No, understanding and experiencing these truths would establish us in grace and make us a very thankful people.

But if we believers are not established in grace, we’ll take the bait in satan’s trap of offense.  Consider that in order to snare an animal, a trapper has to bait the trap to lure the creature.  If we don’t take the bait (entertain thoughts of offense), no harm will come to us.  We must watch out for satan’s traps and not take his bait.  The possibilities to be offended are as endless as the list of our relationships.  The truth is, only those you care about can hurt you.

By refusing to forgive, or believe the best of others, or having an “it’s all about me” attitude, an evil spirit of offense moves in and takes up residence in our souls.  Our minds, wills, and emotions become deeply affected.  It colors everything we see, hear, and do.  A root of bitterness begins to grow like a cancer that destroys marriages, breaks up close friends, keeps people out of church, causes backsliding, breaks up families, inhibits or destroys our own God-given potential, topples businesses, and corrupts governments.  It sucks the life and joy out of everything.  The root of bitterness feeds on selfishness.  And selfishness is the sin of pride in every human heart. 

Consider that roots are a source of nutrition to feed what’s above ground, that which is seen.  Roots are hidden.  A person can seem totally fine, but have deep roots of bitterness hidden in them.  Sooner or later, the fruit will appear from the root.  We must be rooted and grounded in love, as Ephesians 3:16-19 says.  As long as we are in this physical body and have relationships with others, the opportunity to be offended will surely come.

Those who cause offense are likely those we sit in church with, sing with, spend holidays with, attend social functions with, sleep with, confide in, work with, or have grown up with.  “The home, which is meant to be a shelter of protection, provision and growth where we learn to give and receive love, is often the very root of our pain.”  Quote from the book The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.

James 1:19-20 is to be heeded: “My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”  Another pertinent scripture is James chapter 4.

For more on this deep topic of taking offense, I recommend John Bevere’s book The Bait of Satan.  Here’s also a wonderful website for further study:

www.greatbiblestudy.com/bitterness.php

Dear one, if you are continually feeling wounded, and angry, blaming somebody else, take an honest look into your heart.  Chances are you may find a root of bitterness that you have allowed to grow there.  God sent His Word and healed us; His Word in your heart is the answer.  I proclaim liberty for you in Jesus’ Name! 

  

What is the fruit of your root?  May your root be nourished in love, as found in I Corinthians 13: 1-8a, NIV: “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  In other words, love doesn’t take offense!

Don’t take the bait.  Don’t take offense.  Focus on the grace of God in your life.

May God’s grace produce the fruit of love that blossoms and grows in your home, family, and personal relationships. I bless you in Jesus’ Name to that end!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Thermometers or Thermostats?

Today's post is what I wrote for our life group discussion this coming Sunday.  I thought my readers might enjoy a bit of a different format, and do a Bible study with me.  We all use thermometers from time to time, and have thermostats in our homes.  I recently read an interesting observation by Corrie ten Boom that we believers are to be thermostats, not just thermometers, and that inspired this Bible study. :o) 

Thermometers or Thermostats?

The Scoop

Mouth thermometers are used to take a sick person’s temperature; mechanical thermometers measure heat or cold indoors and out.  Cooking thermometers are used to check meat for doneness, or make candy.

Anyone can be a thermometer, metaphorically-speaking.  When we read the newspaper, watch TV news, or listen to radio talk shows, and say “that’s terrible,” or “that’s wonderful,” we are nothing more than a thermometer.  Anyone can see society’s condition, pontificate on the problem, point out failure, pound the fist, and point the finger at people and the decay all around us.

But a thermostat can change a situation.  It responds to our touch to heat or cool a room.  In the same way, we believers were meant to respond to the Holy Spirit’s touch in our heart and burn with holy zeal to accomplish God’s purposes in the earth.  God has given us power and authority to do just that.  A thermostat has a built-in thermometer, and at a set point, the power kicks in and effects a change in climate.

The Mission

Christmas is more than gaily wrapped gifts, sparkling decorations, lots of baked goodies and family get-togethers.  With the Advent season upon us, consider the reason Jesus came to earth in the first place.  I John 3:8 says “. . .the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.”

Read Matthew 28:19 – 20  Notes:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Read Mark 16: 15 – 18  Notes: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Read Isaiah 58:6-11  Notes:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Question:  How can we “loose the chains of injustice, untie the cords of the yoke, and set the oppressed free” around us and still represent Christ’s love?  How do we defeat the devil and impact our world with the Kingdom of Heaven?  How can we personally stand against godless forms of oppressive government all around the world?   

The Action

1.  Do a heart check.  I Peter 5: 6 ____________________________________________

2.  Identify the enemy: Ephesians 6:12 ________________________________________

3.  Arm yourself for battle.  Ephesians 6:10 ___________________________________

4.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  James 4:7.  Remember Jesus’ battle with Satan in the wilderness. Matthew 4: 4, 7, and 10. ________________________________________________________________________

What does it mean to resist the devil?  It’s more than saying “No” to temptation.  It’s more than asking God to rebuke the devil.  It’s more than saying “Devil, get out, and never come back!”

We must act like thermostats and use the sword of the Word of God as we contend for what is right.  When we encounter evil, we say, “I’m against this!” and take action to oppose wickedness in every form.  How?  Overcome evil with good.  Example:  when Herod had John the Baptist beheaded, (Matthew 14), we see what Jesus did in response to this evil deed.  Note verses 13 – 23: Jesus assaulted Satan’s evil kingdom!

5.  Learn how to pray for, and how to pray against. 

• Pray against the demonic powers of evil
• Pray for the righteous to be built up through our prayers
• Thank God for those in positions of authority over us
• Pray against Satan’s work in their lives
• Pray for eyes and ears to be opened and for hearts to turn to what is right

Read pages 152 – 153 in Brother Andrew’s book, And God Changed His Mind.

6.  Have courage to speak out against systems of thought that are not in line with God’s Word.  Have holy indignation, but don’t get in the flesh; pray and speak with a tearful heart for the people enslaved by Satan’s devices and control.  Speak the truth in love.

7.  Be a true disciple of Jesus.  Know how He thinks by reading His Book.

8.  Oppose Satan’s power by using your God-given authority over him.  Luke 10:19

9.  Pray in the Spirit: Ephesians 6:18

10. Remember who you are!  You are a thermostat: be engaged in true climate change!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

 

       

Contentment: The Fruit of Thanksgiving

The wonderful aroma of roasting turkey fills my home, and the remaining preparations are underway as I anticipate the arrival of our family for a mid-afternoon celebration of Thanksgiving Day!  A day set aside by the founders of our nation to give thanks to God for His providence and blessing on the young nation.  So today too, we have much for which to be thankful; we are the richest nation on earth because of the Lord's goodness.

Last night as I lay in my warm bed with flannel sheets covering my body, I thought of my house that was clean, the table that was set for today, the turkey waiting in the fridge and the abundance of food.  I thought of my family that was coming to share Thanksgiving Day with us.  Joy and thankfulness rose in my heart to God for all His blessings, but then a feeling of guilt wanted to crowd in as I thought of those who are homeless or without food.  I felt like my thankfulness to God was snatched away by thoughts of guilt and condemnation, as though I shouldn't have those things.

But as I thought about it, I realized that feeling guilty would not feed or house those less fortunate.  I truly prayed for them and asked God to send help to them, and indeed, we have helped those in need many times.  Guilt can truly be a contentment-snatcher.  It pleased God that I was filled with thanksgiving toward Him for all His blessings, and it was right I should enjoy that warm, cozy feeling of gratitude.

Because we're entering the holiday season of Christmas, I think of another joy-snatcher called discontentment.  No doubt you've heard of community contests where the house with the most lavish decorations is declared the winner.  It's tempting to want to "keep up with the Jones's."  All the commercial advertising on TV and radio for the "latest and greatest" Christmas gift, new car, household appliances and gadgets, electronic games and toys can sow seeds of discontent and a feeling of "I must have that."  Indeed, the goal of advertisers is to convince you why you must have it.

There's a lot of talk about "Black Friday," sales reports of various companies, threats of strikes by union workers, and a hope that a boost in sales will indicate an improvement in our economy.  Speaking of "Black Friday," images come to mind of people camping out in front of stores all night so they are the first ones inside the door to grab the latest gadget for huge savings.  Images of people trampled and injured in the mad rush when the doors open at 7:00 a.m.  Images of women fighting over a the last Cabbage Patch doll; fists and angry voices raised as other fights break out.  Images of anger and ill-will: just the opposite of what they supposedly celebrated the day before!

I think of the Scripture in James 4:*1 that says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

We believers always need to order our lives by the Word of God for us and our families, and not let our eyes glaze over because of glamorous and glitzy commercials.  If we live and act the same as those without Jesus Christ, how can we hope to hold out answers to them?  I want to encourage you in the Lord today to "hold out the Word of Life," and not compare yourself to others, or measure your worth by the world's standards.

Philippians 4:11-13* says, ". . . for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  That doesn't mean we never want to improve ourselves or have goals to accomplish.  I like the Amplified Bible translation of verse 11: ". . .for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am."

Let's look at I Timothy 6:6-10*: "But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.  People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.  Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

The Lord Jesus, through the apostle Paul, in subsequent verses of Scripture, continues to tell us that we must turn away from greed and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.  We are to fight the good fight of faith.  We have to resist the temptation to pursue wealth, and prestige.  That doesn't mean that those who are wealthy are in sin.

I Timothy 6:17-18* continues, "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.  Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share."

Finally, let's rest in Hebrews 13:5*:  "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'  So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?'"

A heart filled with thanksgiving will produce a life of contentment.  Dear Reader, I bless you in Jesus' Name; may your life be one filled to overflowing with God's goodness, grace, and peace!

*New International Version

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Thoughts and Words Matter

Today I want to pick up on a phrase I wrote in my post yesterday: "Our words matter in the earth, and carry the power of life or death over people and circumstances."  Our words carry unseen, spiritual power, and the words we speak come from the thoughts we think.  Therefore, we must guard our thoughts, our heart.

The Lord tells us in Philippians 4:4-7 to always rejoice in the Lord no matter what's going on around us, to let our gentleness show, and not be anxious about anything.  Instead, we are to give thanks and by prayer and petition ask God for what we need.  Such action will produce the peace of God in our hearts and  minds through Christ Jesus.

Verse 8 has powerful and much-needed advice for the times in which we live.  The Lord instructs us to think about the following things:

• Whatever is true -- remember, gossip has destroyed more than one person's reputation
• Whatever is noble -- honor those with outstanding uprightness of character
• Whatever is right -- base all opinions and beliefs on God's Word and relationship with Him
• Whatever is pure -- don't pollute grace with law-keeping; be established in righteousness
• Whatever is lovely -- enjoy the beauty of God's creation and the beauty of His people
• Whatever is of good report -- think and tell about the good things people do, not the bad
• Whatever is virtuous -- don't watch lewd movies or listen to sexually explicit songs or dirty jokes
• Whatever is praiseworthy -- think about all the goodness of the Lord, Who is worthy of all praise

James 3 is another powerful Scripture about the tongue.  Our tongue steers our life just as a rudder turns a large ship.  Our tongue, if set on fire from hell's thoughts, corrupts the whole person and destroys the lives of others just like a match sets a forest ablaze.  God says our un-tamed tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  Only God can tame our tongue if we ask Him.  We need to renew our minds, like Romans 12:2 instructs us to do.

Verses 9 - 10 of the same chapter say, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be."  

Titus 3:1 (NIV) says, "Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men."

Because I write for home and family, let's consider your home and family life as the ship you're steering.  What are you saying about your house?  Do you complain and feel bitter because you can't keep up with the "Jones's?"  What do you say over your children?  Over your spouse?  Extended family?  Little ears pick up heart attitudes quickly by what they hear you say to them and about others.  For that matter, what are you saying over yourself?  Do you call yourself derogatory names and put yourself down?  How can you love your neighbor as yourself the way God intends if you don't even love yourself?  You are also a person made in God's image, and God wants you to say good things over yourself, too!

Let's train ourselves to think like Philippians 4:8 tells us to.  Let's be aware that our thoughts and words matter, for ourselves, our families, the Body of Christ, and our government.  "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Attitude of Gratitude

Our circumstances always provide plenty of opportunities to be ungrateful, down in the dumps, negative, and even downright nasty.  I've thought about it, and I believe the antidote for the poison of unholy anger is the giving of thanks.  The Word of God has much to say about giving thanks; the Psalms are full of praise and thanks to the Lord.  

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Colossians 2:7 instructs us to overflow with thankfulness; in other words, let your heart be so full of thanksgiving that it runs over for all to see!  You'll be pleasant company!

In Colossians 3:15, the Lord Jesus tells us "Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

We see in Hebrews 12:28 that the way to worship God with reverence and awe is to be thankful.

There's something about thankfulness on our part toward God that frees His hand to work in our circumstances and answer our prayers.  I don't know what it is, but I know it's true by the Spirit of God in me.

Let me share a poignant testimony with you.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012, was a dark day for me.  A day of strong emotions that ripped at the fabric of my soul.  The presidential election that announced Obama the winner left me stunned and incredulous. I felt deep anger, hurt, grief, and burdened.  I felt betrayed by the three million who refused to vote because they didn't like the other candidate's religion.  Couldn't they see we weren't voting for a church pastor?  Apparently not.  I wondered if our nation had sunk so low as to deserve a president who openly approves of and wants laws passed encouraging homosexuality, abortion, and the trashing of our Constitution.  A president whose current governing ideas I find highly offensive and destructive to our nation, homes, and families.

I thought of Scriptures like Psalm 55:11, "Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets."  And Psalm 12:8, "The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men."

I thought of my pastor's recent comment in a sermon: "Christians massage the Word of God to mold it to fit their personal preferences or beliefs," and I felt betrayed by fellow believers in the Lord Jesus.  Where are the disciples of the Lord Jesus?  The thought came to me that the Church has failed in the mandate from our Commander in Chief, the Lord Jesus, to make disciples of all nations -- not just converts.

All that day I felt torn and tearful; but I knew I could not stay there.  Instead, as a sacrifice of praise, I chose to turn my focus on the loveliness of Jesus instead of all the filth and disappointment in the world.  I asked the Holy Spirit to help me praise Him in all circumstances.

On November 12, I decided to read I Timothy 2:1-2 (NIV): "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone -- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.  This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

I wondered, "How can I give thanks to God for Obama?  For a leader who stands for all I am against?"

I thought of Paul and his letter to Timothy; I imagined the Christians living in that day had a hard time giving thanks to God for Caesar, too.  Yet the Lord Jesus asked them to do it.  I struggled for a moment as I wondered how I could thank God for Obama and not betray my strongly-held convictions that were based on God's Word.

But I took a deep breath and thanked God for President Obama.  I chose to do it in obedience to my Commander in Chief in Heaven, not because I felt like it, but because I loved the One Who forgave me my sins, gave me eternal life and declared me righteous and holy.

God did not say I had to thank Him Obama was re-elected, or for how he governs, for what he says, or for his beliefs.  I needed to thank God for Obama as a person made in the image of God, and respect the office of the presidency set up to govern our nation.  God instituted levels of authority in government so we'd have an orderly society.

I thanked God that He can turn our President's heart to what is right.  I prayed for his salvation and that of his family, and for his advisers.  For each member of the House of Representatives and the Senate. The Supreme Court, and on down to the state and local levels.  As Scripture says in Proverbs 21:1 that "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases."  And I stand in faith on that Scripture.

The very next day, we read a prophecy from someone we trust, that the Lord Jesus was grieved by our lack of prayer for Obama and the words spoken by the Church against him over the last four years.  In essence, we, the church, had tied His hands.  The Lord could not do what He desired in our President.  Our words matter in the earth, and carry the power of life or death over people and circumstances.

The prophecy contained the same thing the Lord had shown me and my husband the night before, which is this: we need to believe God to give Barak Obama a new heart, new priorities, new vision, sanctified by the God of Heaven!  We need to believe God to turn him into a godly president.  I believe God will give President Obama dreams or visions in the night, and he will hear a voice say, "This is the way; walk in it."  We need to obey God and give thanks for all those in authority over us.  We need to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in all areas of life.  God can still give us a new President!

I can testify that my husband and I have a new joy and purpose in our souls, knowing we have obeyed the Lord's command.  I am no longer grieving, but I pray about everything and everybody now, convinced God can change circumstances and the lives of people as we bless them with prayer.

This applies not just to our President; it applies to those in our families, neighborhood, that person on facebook , or someone who said or did something to hurt you.  We are to give thanks for all people, because God wants everyone to be saved, and He wants us to live a quiet and peaceable life.

Yes, I'll say it again: giving thanks to God will kill anger.  We overcome evil with good.

I want to end this post with I Peter 3:9-12 (NIV).  "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you might inherit a blessing.  For, 'whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.  He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.  For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.'"

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Relationships and Holidays

Thanksgiving Day.  The last family members had left after farewells and hugs were exchanged.  Caroline tucked her hair behind her right ear and wiped a stray tear from her cheek as she put the last plate into the dishwasher.  She added the detergent, clicked the door shut and pushed the start button.   A persistent lump rose in her throat as she thought about past Thanksgiving Days.  Why couldn't Clark just agree to disagree with Paul and Theresa?  Why did they always end up in an argument?  Last year, Paul and Theresa left without saying "goodbye," and this year they had refused to come.  If Clark would only call and apologize to them. . .   If only Paul and Theresa wouldn't be so touchy and easily offended. . .

Do you look forward to Thanksgiving Day with your relatives?  Or do you dread the thought of being under the scrutiny of Aunt Susie once again?  Do you look for an excuse to avoid the family get-together?  Maybe you haven't spoken to your brother for a long time because he hurt your feelings.  Or perhaps you feel a parent has wronged you, and you don't plan to ever go home again for Thanksgiving.  Christmas either, for that matter.  Brother, sister, mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, cousin, aunt, uncle: does it matter who it is?

Grudges and ill will exist and thrive in many families.  And that's a shame, because the family unit should be pleasant: a place of warmth and acceptance, love and forgiveness, peace and unity.  Not pain, hatred, heated arguments or strained silence.  God knows there is enough pain out there in the world without getting a dose of it from your own family. So you stay away.  Yet your heart aches a bit more with each passing holiday as the chasm of separation widens.  

I think of the Scripture in James 4:1 "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?"  Every one of us is prone to self-interest and self-preservation.

Good relationships take work and sometimes lots of prayer.  Friendship and unity have to be preserved, or they deteriorate.  It takes soul-searching honesty and humility of heart to reach out in a strained relationship to bring restoration.

Is God speaking to your heart about a difficult person in your family?  Ask God what you can do to reach out to someone in your family and help restore peace and unity.  Whether you were the one offended, or whether you offended someone, peace has to start with you.  Don't wait for the other person.  The most spiritual person goes first, you know.

• Begin to thank God for each person in your family -- even the difficult ones.
• Ask God to pour out His Spirit in his/her life.
• Ask God to give them wisdom and revelation for their life.
• Pray for their salvation if they are not born again.
• Ask God for a fresh baptism of love in your own heart for them.
• Ask yourself, "Have I contributed negatively to this strained relationship?"
• Ask God to show you what you can do to change that and reach out to them.
• Believe God is working in that person right now.
• Believe God is at work in you too!

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."  Matthew 5:9
"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live in unity!"  Psalm 133:1

May this Thanksgiving Day on November 22 be the best yet!  May you have a truly Blessed Thanksgiving!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Masks

Masks.  Kids wear them at Halloween; adults wear them to costume parties.  Some wear an expressionless mask of rigid emotional control to disguise the heart.

According to Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, the definition of a mask is "a pretense, a disguise, something that serves to conceal something from view; to take part in a masquerade."

There are all kinds of masks.  Some, such as a painter's mask and a gas mask, protect us from harmful substances.  Surgical masks protect against disease, and an oxygen mask is beneficial if needed.  A ski mask protects the skier from harsh wind and cold, and a cosmetic mask nourishes the skin on our faces.

Other masks, such as a costume party mask, theatrical mask, Halloween mask or a witch doctor's mask, is what we usually think of as soon as the word "mask" is mentioned.  Something scary or grotesque to hide behind.

Then there is the "poker face" mask, a mask to hide the truth from others, a face void of expression.  We have internal masks to hide our emotions or beliefs.  Why do we wear emotional masks?  I believe it's because of fear: fear of being ridiculed and rejected, of emotional and psychological damage, or sometimes fear of incurring physical harm, as in abuse situations.

The face says a lot about a person; our feelings and thoughts register on our faces and in our body language. The face reflects the heart.  Do we want to cover our hearts?

How many times have you asked someone, "How are you?" The expected standard answer is "Fine.  How are you?"  And then each moves on.  What if we really stopped and told someone exactly what's going on inside us: our struggles, needs and fears?  Would we truly want to hear it?  Would it be refreshing?  Would we feel overwhelmed, ill-equipped to know what to say?  Would the person who asked you the question keep right on walking without waiting for an answer?  Would you do the same?  We are such creatures of habit, and I'd like for us to think about that.  To develop an attitude of caring and genuine love for others.

Among our family and friends and in our church circles, too many of us "put on a front," and hide our true feelings and beliefs, afraid to truly let anyone inside.  It's like we close a door to any perceived threat.  And sometimes with good reason.  If we have been hurt and "stung" before, we are cautious and tentative.  The result is that we close ourselves off from people and are crippled in our friendships.  Or people may perceive us as not genuine, of having a hidden agenda.  And we create inner tension for ourselves as we hold in our feelings.  Inner tension and stress can cause sickness and disease.

It takes a conscious effort to allow oneself to trust again.  But the benefits of allowing others to see the real "us" is that others will trust us to be honest and genuine. We'll also feel better physically and emotionally.

The flip side of the coin is this: emotional masks are not always bad.  Wearing an emotional mask can protect us from inappropriate expressions of shock, disappointment, laughter or anger.  I think of how a psychologist or counselor or pastor may have to wear a "poker face" mask to avoid alienating the person he's trying to help.

I'm currently reading a book titled "Dreams and Visions: Is Jesus Awakening the Muslim World?" by Tom Doyle with Greg Webster.  A "poker face" mask and careful answers can save the life of a Muslim who's converted to Christianity.  And there are many.

We in the free world have no idea what goes on in those countries unless we read a book like the one I'm reading.  We take our freedoms for granted.  And really, compared to what our Christian brothers and sisters have to endure in Muslim countries, we owe it to ourselves to get rid of our thin skin and fear of being judged by others.  We owe it to ourselves and others to take off our masks of fear and rigid control and let freedom, honesty and love shine out from us to others.  Let's be bold to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with our neighbors and in the marketplace.  Let's speak the truth in love, as Jesus taught.  Let's unmask and open our hearts.  Scary?  Perhaps.  But remember Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

What Would Jesus Do?

If you were the one who did the abuse or bullying, I have good news for you!  There is forgiveness, hope and peace offered by Jesus in His completed work on the cross for all our sins.  "As it is written, there is none righteous, no not one. . . for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus."  Romans 3: 10 and 23 (KJV)

The ground is level at the foot of the cross of Jesus, the only Perfect One who ever lived on the earth.  He took upon Himself the full punishment of God's anger against sin, and paid your and my debt.  Let me assure you, if you have asked Jesus to be your Savior and trusted in what He did to make you righteous, you are totally forgiven, made clean through Jesus' blood.  God declares you righteous: believe it.  He loves you, and that's why He sent Jesus to pay the debt of sin we could never pay ourselves.  Jesus says the same words to you as He spoke to the woman caught in adultery: "go and sin no more."  If you think about the goodness of God's grace toward you and the forgiveness you have received, you will have the power to stop the abusive behavior because you will not want to act that way anymore.

If you have been the victim of child abuse or bullying, I want to help you be free from it's painful effects in your soul.  First of all, look to God's Word for your help and truth.  To be free from the prison bars of hate that hold you captive because of mistreatment, you must first of all forgive your abuser or bully.  Easier said than done, I agree.  But if you let anger and hatred control you because of what someone did against you, you are still giving that person power over your life!  The only way out is to forgive them with the help of Jesus.

A simple prayer from your heart will be heard by God: "Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive the one who abused / bullied me.  I ask you to bless __________ with your truth and righteousness."  Even if feelings of hate or hurt still want to surface, choose to declare, "I forgive you, __________, for what you did.  Bless them, and heal me, Lord Jesus."  Repeat as  needed.  The gospel is the power of God unto salvation to all who believe! God wants to save and heal them as well as you.  I know it will take humbling yourself to pray this prayer for them.  That's what God calls "dying to the flesh."  Humbling ourselves to the truth of God's Word.  God will help you.

Many of us know Joyce Meyer and her story of sexual, verbal and physical abuse she endured at the hands of her father for many years as she was growing up.  Her mother knew, but did nothing to stop it.  Can you imagine the betrayal, hatred and anger Joyce must have felt in her home situation?  To make a long story short, the Lord helped her forgive her father bit by bit, and one day he received Jesus as His Lord and Savior under Joyce's ministry, and she baptized him herself!  Now, that's the power of God!  (If you don't know Joyce, she's a minister and international speaker at conferences everywhere, and God is using her mightily!)  I recommend getting her book "Beauty For Ashes" to read her story and how she overcame with God's help.  The book is also a teaching book to help you receive healing and walk in wholeness.

If you are currently in an abusive situation where your life or mental health is in danger, you must separate yourself from the perpetrator and go to a safe place.  Contact your pastor or a trusted leader for help, (provided they are not the ones doing the abusing!)  If a child's life is in danger, s/he must be put in a safe place also.  If there is no one in your church who can immediately take in the child or adult in danger, you must contact social services in your area.  Don't let the abuse continue: you are responsible if you know and do nothing.

To the rest of us I ask: if we know an abuser or bully, would we have the courage and spiritual grace to ask the Holy Spirit what we can do to help that person become a new person in Christ Jesus?  What can we do to help the perpetrator stop his evil actions?  What would Jesus do?  The only answer is in that person becoming a new creation in Christ Jesus where he humbles himself to the truth of the gospel.  For sure, the first step is to pray earnestly for that person before even going to see him.  We are our brother's keeper.

One can see how much Jesus loves the little children as we read the gospels.  He was known to take them up in His arms and bless them when others thought they were a nuisance and a bother, "time-wasters."  (See Mark 10:13-16)

Matthew 18:10 & 14-17 is a passage of Scripture that I believe can be applied to child abuse or bullying.  Jesus was talking about little children and someone hurting them.  "Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.  For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost. . . "Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.  Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.  And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."

Let all that we do be out of love, with hearts broken by the Holy Spirit to see the needs on both sides of the painful subjects of child abuse and bullying.  God bless you, dear reader.  Let's work the field of souls together!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is unwanted, ongoing aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.

Bullying is all about controlling, belittling, destroying a person's self-worth, and shredding someone else's reputation.  A person who bullies wants to bring someone down in order to lift themselves up.  Think about it. What's the root?  Pride.  The exaltation of self over others.  God's Word speaks to this: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."  Philippians 2:3 (NIV)  Isn't that what caused Satan's expulsion from heaven?  You bet it is.  He said "I will exalt myself above the Most High; I will ascend to His throne."  He wanted to be in control; but God threw him out of Heaven.  He has come down to us in fury; now he tries to control us and rule over us.  He is building up his own kingdom, an "in Your face" tactic against God.  He is walking to and fro throughout the earth, sowing his diabolical seeds of pride wherever he finds fertile ground for it.

Fertile ground for the seeds of bullying and control is that dark place in a person's heart that hides sin and the struggles with shame.  Taking offense and refusing to forgive is extremely fertile ground for Satan.  Bullying is the devil's work.  Don't let Satan rule over you.  Expose your sin, failures, and shame to the light of Jesus' gospel of truth and let Him change you.  Forgive quickly.

What are some signs your child may be a victim of bullying?  Here is a website with some good info: http://extension.unh.edu/Family/Parent/teenpubs/bully.pdf  I'll list some signs of victimization here:

• Fakes an illness or runs away from school
• Tearful at the thought of going to school; has stomach aches
• Grades drop
• Loses self-confidence
• Gets angry when asked about what's going on in his life
• Has unexplained injuries, bruise marks, torn clothing
• Has nightmares
• Begins wetting the bed
• Shows sadness/depression, or talks of suicide
• Has angry outbursts
• Withdraws
• Loses possessions: toys, jacket, sneakers stolen
• Needs extra money because s/he was robbed
• Extra-hungry after school because his lunch or lunch money was stolen

Bullies look for kids who are smaller, get upset or cry easily, who are unpopular at school, have social issues and struggle with shyness and anyone who is different in looks or weight.  I read that some parents are even letting their children undergo plastic surgery to change the shapes of their noses, ears, etc. to avoid being harassed.  This is ridiculous, and bullying must stop!

Bullying takes different forms:

• Verbal:  teasing, name-calling, taunting, inappropriate sexual comments, and threatening to cause harm.
• Social:  hurting someone's reputation or relationships, telling other kids to join in the harassment, spreading rumors and lies, and embarrassing someone in public.
• Physical:  hitting, kicking, pinching, spitting, tripping, pushing, taking or breaking someone's things, and making mean or rude hand gestures.

 Bullies view violence as an okay way to interact with other children.  I wonder what they're learning at home.  How do these family members relate to one another?  Can you see where I'm going with this?

According to the NEA (National Education Association), 160,000 students miss school every day for fear of attack and intimidation by other students.  71% of students report that incidents of bullying are a problem at school.  Those in lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in higher grades.  However, there is a higher rate of serious violent crimes in middle school and high school.  Statistics are high that kids who are bullied by peers carry out lethal violence, and will have a prison record by their mid-twenties.  The motive is always revenge.

Revenge.  Now there's something to think about.  We must turn to the Word of God for answers.  Here are some pertinent verses from Romans chapter 12: verse 14, "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."  Verse 17, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil," and verse 21, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

I think every school should have this Scripture verse from Luke 6:31 displayed in every hallway:  "Do to others as you would have them do to you."  Could I dare hope this dream will become a reality?

Ever since the Federal Government banned God from our schools, we've had this dramatic increase of violence, bullying and a drug problem in our land.  And honestly, shouldn't Luke 6:31 be on a wall in a prominent place in our own homes?  Let's start there.

I have a great idea!  There's a company called "Simply Said" that will make any wall saying you want, and you transfer the self-stick lettering to your wall.  Go to the website www.mysimplysaiddesigns.com/melanie and contact Melanie.  Or contact her by phone at 540-305-4252.  You can choose your own lettering style and color for your wall.  Tell her you want the words of Luke 6:31 made into a saying for your wall, and it can be shipped right to your home anywhere in the United States.  (You may also want to order one for your office work space.)

I have a passion to reach kids and their parents at the home level, because the home is the nucleus of our society.  As the home, so the nation!  And really, if parents would have the Word of God at the center of their home, and teach their children to live for God, we wouldn't have the bullying problems we do.

Teachers are not responsible to raise your children -- you are!  Dads and Moms: Man Up!  Take charge of your child's moral compass.  Don't hand it to the school teacher!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

What To Do When Bullied

A blog reader I'll call Phyllis* has a close friend, Morgan* with a daughter named Kaylee.*  Morgan unburdened herself to Phyllis about the bullying her daughter endures at school and in the neighborhood.  Phyllis writes:

"I just got finished reading your blog on bullying and it's very good.  My close friend Morgan told me that two girls in her daughter's school, one of whom used to be a good friend and a Christian, are relentless in bullying Kaylee and are trying to get other students to gang up on her too.  The worst thing about it is that the moms appear to be promoting, instead of stopping, these verbal attacks!  Morgan would not tell me all that they are saying. When Kaylee first told her mom about the bullying, Morgan was so hurt and angry, she lost her temper in front of Kaylee and had to apologize later.

"Morgan told me it's so hard to love others and not take offense.  Her philosophy has always been to let the kids work things out and not interfere every step of the way.  I know the mother of the one bully, Kate,* hits her in the face, and was told by her mom that she'll probably get pregnant in High School.  She did.

"The mother of Vanessa,* another of the girls who bullies Kaylee, was someone Morgan thought was going to be a her friend in the Lord, but it has not turned out that way.   Morgan told me that the mothers of these two girls who bully know that she had Kaylee out of wedlock (although Morgan is married now.)  We've talked about it a number of times and realize some of the chief stone throwers could have had an abortion or sex before marriage, but no baby.

"They don't know what all Morgan has gone through.  Her daughter Kaylee is quite developed physically and the girl bullies, Kate and Vanessa, are always commenting on that and how she looks in her clothes.  Kaylee seems to have a number of friends, and was on the basketball team this fall.  Morgan seems to think that was also a source of jealousy on the part of Kate and Vanessa.  These two girls are right in the neighborhood.  They are very two-faced: one minute they are praising Kaylee, and the next minute they are against her.

"There is a lot of relying on "things" in their neighborhood to keep people happy: pools, cars, clothes, etc.  I always pray when I drive through there that God would pour forth His Spirit onto the families there."

Here are my comments.  I am appalled that professing Christian women can behave this way and feed the fires of bullying.  How the body of Christ needs a revelation of the grace of God toward us, realize we're forgiven, mind our own business and cut others a lot of slack!  Somebody say Amen!

What can a child do when faced with bullying?  I sent Phyllis the link to a helpful website:  
http://extension.unh.edu/Family/Parent/teenpubs/bully.pdf  I'll recap some of the ideas here along with some of my own:

• Sit near the bus driver
• Be unpredictable: go to your locker at different times during the day.  Take a different route to or from school or leave at different times.  Even 5 minutes makes a difference.
• Walk with a friend or group of friends 
• Stay calm and don't react with violence
• Maintain eye contact with the bully.  Don't look down or try to walk away.
• Say, "Stop picking on me.  I won't be your target." 
• Say something unexpected like "I guess I'll have to live with being stupid.  But wow, you're one of the smart people in the world!  Good for you!"
• For a Christian who is bullied, I would suggest s/he look at the bully and confidently say, "I'm so glad Jesus approves of me.  I don't need your approval."  It will be good for the one being bullied to hear herself say something positive about herself out loud and build social self-confidence.
• Get a book on setting healthy boundaries and learn how and when to say "No" and stand up for yourself.  Educate yourself.
• Join a club or youth group, friends you enjoy spending time with.
• Pray for the bully.  (In private)

I really believe in the power of our Heavenly Father to intervene and change these bullies.  God is all about saving and restoring.  Luke 6:27-28 (KJV) says "Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."   Jesus also said "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."  Matthew 6:6 (NKJ)

In the case of Kate and Vanessa, one would pray, "Jesus, I bless Kate and Vanessa in Your Name because you told me to. Amen."  

I wish I'd remember where I read the account of a young student whose teacher, repeatedly, was unmerciful to him and embarrassed him in front of the whole class on purpose. She was bullying her student.  This boy's mother told him to begin blessing his teacher with prayer every day.  After a few weeks of this, the teacher was totally changed and thereafter spoke well of him even to the class!

My prayer for Kaylee is that she (and her mother Morgan) will have the spiritual strength to do the difficult thing, take on this bullying situation as Jesus would do, and bless these two bullies.  Let's watch to see what God will do!

Thank you, Phyllis, for writing!  Your friend is blessed to have you in her corner!

If you'd like to write me, my e-mail is elainesplace4@verizon.net.

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Bullying

October is Bullying Prevention Awareness month.  In my research on child abuse, I found a direct connection between kids who were abused and bullying.  Particularly at school, but also in neighborhoods.

Parents who don't give their kids emotional warmth and nurture or who mete out harsh physical punishment produce bullies.  Kids tend to give out what they get at home, and retaliate on others with the anger and violence they feel within themselves for the treatment they receive, either from their parents or an older sibling.  Too many children also witness abusive treatment of one parent against the other, and feel powerless to intervene.  This devastates the child and family unit. The child may lash out at others in school to release his pent-up anger he wishes he could release on the abusing parent.

I was surprised to learn that overly-permissive parents who don't give their child healthy boundaries, or don't supervise their children, also produce bullies.   I believe these children are wanting their parents to care enough to set good boundaries on their activities and behavior; they want to feel cared for.  If there are no boundaries, the child feels he is not worth a parents' love and notice.  Violence can be the result of his feeling emotionally abandoned.

Another factor that causes bullying is the violent TV shows, movies, and video games that our kids are allowed to indulge in.  Is it any wonder that children tend to act out what they see in these venues?

Bullying in schools is a huge problem in our nation.  In my research on bullying, students reported that teachers and staff don't address bullying in the classroom, and there's little student supervision in the lunchroom, at bathroom breaks, and recess.  One middle-school student I talked to said bullying in her school is a big problem; girls gossip with judgmental attitudes and bad language about another girl's appearance.  If you don't wear a certain brand of clothes or shoes, you are ridiculed and minimized.  There's a lot of "girl drama," a "king of the hill," and a "who's who" kind of hierarchy.  This student also told me she felt bullied by a teacher who ridiculed and censored her in front of her classmates for giving a report that didn't agree with the teacher's political point of view.  She told me teachers definitely push  their own politically-correct ideas and want to force the kids to fit her mold.

Our children must be taught to look for God's approval, not their peers.

And I would add here that in our current culture where homosexuality is in vogue in our schools, that parents must teach their children to stand against being indoctrinated that it's "okay."  Additionally, we must teach our young people not to say derogatory things against students who say they are "gay," but rather teach our kids to show kindness and respect to everyone, and pray for those who are drawn into the sin of homosexuality.

How do we begin to solve the bullying problem?  The answer begins in each person, each parent, having a love relationship with the Lord Jesus.  Acknowledge our own wrong-doing and rebellion before God and ask to receive forgiveness of our own sin.  Ask Jesus to be the Pilot of our life and baptize us in the Holy Spirit.  Find a good church that upholds God's Word as final authority on any subject, read the Bible for ourselves and talk to our Pilot about everything that concerns us.  Only when we realize how much we have been forgiven by God, can we give out that love to our families.

We are not fit to be in authority unless we are under God's authority!

We as parents will do well to heed the instruction of our Creator in teaching and training our children.  We are responsible to lead them to the Word of God for answers, so when they are on their own they will know how to behave and choose wisely for themselves.  We need to teach them that God is our final authority on everything.  It's not enough to shout, "Because "I said so!"  Maintain a respect for the Word of God; don't rationalize or compromise or deviate from what is right.  Parents must teach their children to have a Compass that points True North; the Compass that will never lead them astray.

Proverbs 4:20-27 reads, "My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.  Do not let them out of your sight, keep them withing your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.  Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.  Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.  Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that re firm.  Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

This gives children a solid foundation for all of life; they will feel loved and cared for as they see you, the parent, live out your life by the same standard you hold out to them.  And it takes diligence and faithfulness.  I think of the Scripture in Galatians 6:9 (NIV) "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  That good harvest will be healthy, happy children who will bless society and help change American culture in a godly way.

To combat bullying, after the personal foundation is right, parents need to be taught to have good parenting skills:

• Know your role as a parent 
• Don't expect too much of young children
• Understand the developmental stages of children
• Understand their needs -- listen with your heart
• Don't see punishment as a way of training your child.  This will result in a child having a poor self-image, feeling s/he can never please you.  Discipline is different than punishment.  Discipline takes godly effort to show them why their behavior was wrong.  Punishment is "getting even," lashing out in anger because your child may have embarrassed or inconvenienced you.  

What should you do when your child comes to you with a bullying complaint?   Here are some suggestions:

• Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"
• Avoid "knee-jerk" reactions, such as lashing out verbally in anger at the one who hurt your child.  You may upset your child by such a reaction, which may cause him to want to protect you and himself by not telling you any more or by denying it.
• Approach the situation in a calm, respectful way that acknowledges and respects your child's story and feelings.
• Get your facts straight.
• Ask questions of others.
• Be your child's advocate, but ask if he/she maybe could have responded better in the situation.  Together, think of ways s/he could respond.  
• Pray together for the one who did the bullying.
• Teach her to have good boundaries and self-protection

I extracted some helpful information from the following website: http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/bullying-facts/

So much more could be written about child abuse and bullying, but my prayer is that the book I've written (and the two to follow) will help stop child abuse and bullying in our society by modeling a happy, godly home.  My first book for children is titled Biff and Becka's Springtime Adventures.  Godly attitudes for relationships and parenting are interwoven amid the young characters' antics and experiences.  Intended to be read to kids ages 4 - 8, older children (and parents) love it too.  My website is www.elaineandfriends.com, where you may order from my publisher or Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  The E-books version is also available, Digital Rights Management-free only through my publisher.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Causes of Child Abuse

We could talk about abuse of animals and pets.  We could talk about churches whose members are emotionally and spiritually (and sometimes even sexually) abused by the pastor or others in authority.  School teachers who abuse students.  Oppressive regimes, government abuse of power and lawlessness abound in our world. Selfishness, the desire to control, is everywhere.  And selfishness always hurts someone.

But for the purpose of our discussion on abuse, I'll limit my topic to the family unit.

Here are some reasons I believe parents abuse their children:

• poor parenting skills
• were themselves abused as children
• financial tensions
• child care overload
• alcohol or drug problems, or other addictions such as gambling
• poor self-image

At the core of any kind of abuse is the urge to control someone or something.  Sometimes that urge to control shows itself as unholy anger that inflicts pain on someone else, manipulation such as pouting, withholding love and provision, etc.

Children also learn to abuse others as a result of the treatment they receive from their parents, or perhaps an older sibling, or another family member.  Physical or sexual abuse is not always done by the parent(s).  

Anger that leads to child abuse is heightened when a person is too tired, too sleepy or too hungry.  Actually, any number of life's irritants and stresses encourage out-of-control anger.  I know well from personal experience how being over-tired and frustrated can make you feel like losing control.

Our first child, a son, born two months prematurely, had to be away from us in a hospital for a month.  When  he finally came home, I was scared to care for a preemie, as I'd never had experience with that.  Other than the time he almost choked to death on vitamin drops, all went well.

Twenty months later, my baby daughter was born, healthy and well.  For the first three months, for some reason, she cried every night.  One night she wouldn't stop crying.  Seems I had tried everything I could think of to comfort her.  I had pleurisy from getting too cold at night when I got up to feed her, and I was tired.  Her crib was in our bedroom in our mobile home, and my frayed nerves were on edge as she just cried and cried.  I didn't know what to do.  I just wanted to get some sleep, and as the anger at her crying and my helplessness mounted, I suddenly had an urge to pick her up and throw her into a corner of the bedroom.  I remember how shocked and horrified I was at my feelings.  How could the thought of hurting my baby girl even cross my mind? If I had not been a Christian, who knows what I may have done?  I thank God for His power in me that kept me from hurting her in any way.

(As I recall, I finally put a few drops of the McNess company's Aromatic Compound (intended for adults) into an ounce of warm water and gave her that.  It settled her stomach.)

Parenting is a rewarding, but a demanding and often difficult task. One way we can help prevent child abuse is to offer a new mom some time away from the house.  Babysit for her one afternoon a week, or give the young parents an evening out together.  Be a friend; take in a meal, offer to clean her house, do laundry, or whatever would be appreciated by her.  Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on.  Be real.


I told you the above story to say that I too am human.  We have all at times probably been harsh with our children, punished them too severely, did and said things that hurt them deeply.  We ourselves have likely been the recipients of the same.  The truth is, every family on earth is broken in some way or another.  We all need Jesus to make us whole.

If you are a parent or caregiver who has abused your or someone else's child, please know that there is forgiveness and healing through Jesus.  I don't condemn you; I want you to be whole.  Humble yourself and make amends with those you hurt if they are still alive.  If you have not given your life to Jesus and have a relationship with Him, ask Him to forgive you of your sins and make your spirit alive to God.  He will answer your prayer and come live inside your spirit; He will make you a new person!  When you experience God's grace and forgiveness for you, then you can give it to others.  We all need God's eternal life.

God bless you, dear reader!  If you'd like to e-mail me, contact me at elaine@elaineandfriends.com or elainesplace4@verizon.net.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Child Abuse: Part Two

We make a big deal in this country about child hunger:  feeding programs in schools and homeless shelters in neighborhoods.  And rightly so.  But what about the kids who are starved for love?  Does anyone know they are starving emotionally?  From what I've observed, too many parents have lost "natural affection" for their kids.  They are treated as objects to push, shove, hurry along; a bother and a chore.  School teachers are not allowed to put an arm around the shoulder of a student anymore because of fear of sexual harassment charges.  What has happened to nurture in our society? 

I submit that a lot of sexual abuse and violent acts are done by children and adults who grew up severely deprived and stunted in their quest and need for love.  God’s love.  They try to find it in all the wrong places; girls and boys become promiscuous and have perverted behavior because they ache for someone to truly love them – to validate them.  

(Speaking of natural affection lost, homosexuality is now accepted pretty much as the norm in high schools because our culture has tolerated the behavior.  I think father-son and mother-daughter relationships are not what they should be.  The home is not right; thoughts are not right.  If we do not think it worthwhile to stick with God's Word, disaster awaits.  Psalm 12:8 says, "The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men." (NIV)  Our culture [and sadly, far too many churches] do not have respect for God's Word and pretty much do and think as they please -- with devastating results.) 

Bullying is a big problem in our schools.  Children and teens bully others, often because of the abuse they experience at home.  Bullying gives them a sense of power and control, of "fighting back" for how they are treated at home.  These families and children don't know what real love is or how to show it properly.  And if these children don’t go to church or have good teaching at home, how are they to learn what real love is?  They grow up stunted in their spiritual, emotional, and sometimes even physical, growth.  If the parents of those kids came from abusive families, how will the cycle ever end?   

I believe this is true of Christian families as well.  Just because a person realizes his sin and need of God, and asks Jesus to be his Savior, doesn't mean all negative behavior changes automatically.  One's heart must be open to receive the love of God and realize how much he was forgiven by God.  He must experience God's grace before he can give it to others.  He has to renew his mind to God's way of thinking (Romans 12:2).  He needs to be discipled, to be taught.  Jesus told us in the great commission, "Go and make disciples of all people." (Matthew 28:19) 

This is what I do in my books.  As my rabbit character Biff and his family in my book(s) go through life, I apply God's Word to every situation and teach godly principles.  Our kids and parents need godly teaching -- good modeling.  Fairy tales and Harry Potter won't do.  

Having spiritually healthy parents will prevent stop them from abusing their children.  I believe the way I can help is to write books for children (that parents will read to their younger ones) that model a godly home.  To talk plainly about Jesus and His power that changes us when we put our faith in Him for salvation.  Yes, I talk about what salvation means in my books; I talk about wrongdoing and sin (even though other writers told me I shouldn't do that because it will "narrow my reading base."  In other words -- fewer sales.  But I had to obey God as He led me.)  Beginning with Jesus and His wisdom is where transformation starts.  I want to help parents behave like mature adults in their parenting.  Give sound instruction from God's Word to children.  Without respect for God's Word and knowing what God says about any subject, there is no true wisdom.  "The fear (deep reverence) of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Psalm 111:10 (NIV)

A few weeks ago I gave a number of my books to our church to use as they teach ESL classes in a poor neighborhood in Manassas.  I believe my book will be a good influence in that neighborhood.  If you know of families in your neighborhood or church who struggle with parenting, or a child who needs to see a model of a godly home, ask the Lord whether you should buy some of my books to give them.  You may save a family from being split, save children from being torn from their home and made a ward of the state.  

Order my book from my website at www.elaineandfriends.com and let your friends know how they can make a difference in this way too.  On behalf of hurting families, I thank you!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Child Abuse: Part One

How many innocent children live in fear and turmoil of mistreatment, threats, unjust punishment, and even worse -- sexual abuse?  My heart breaks for these children.  Proverbs 31: 8-9 (NIV) says, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of the destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

Who will speak up for them?  Who will defend them?  Who will help the parents who do the abusing to change?  When it comes to child abuse, it's very distressing to know that Christians and church members are not guiltless either.  Why?  These are questions I ask myself.  The need seems so overwhelming.  What can one person do?  What can I do?  What would Jesus do?

You may ask, "Why are you talking about child abuse, Elaine?"  Let me give you some background.

Last Wednesday my friend Becky and I sat at my kitchen table catching up on our friendship, and she asked me, "Why are you writing books for children?"  I replied what I had always said, that I wanted to give kids the truth, wholesome fun, and educational reading.  Something other than fairy tales.  Something that will impact their lives as they grow up."

Then suddenly, I paused.  I felt surprise at what I said next. "You know, I think down deep the reason is because of something I witnessed years ago.  To the best of my recollection, the year was 1990.  One day as I got out of my car at a grocery store, I saw a father use his fists to hit his son again and again over the head and shoulders, all the while shouting derogatory words at him that he was stupid, no good, worthless.  The boy looked to be about 12 or 13, was thin, and slightly deformed, as though his body reflected years of this kind of treatment.  His head and shoulders slumped as he tried in vain to deflect the blows.  The father continued to berate and pummel him as the boy stumbled into the store.

"I felt sick to my stomach.  I wanted to run up and tell that guy to stop it!  I wanted to put my arms around the young boy and tell him he's valued and loved.  How my heart ached for him as I longed to comfort him, tell him that not all parents are like that.  But I felt paralyzed -- not sure what to do.  Uncertainty held me back, and I felt angry, helpless and ashamed that I didn't do something.

"What could I do about child abuse?  Instead of wishing Hollywood or somebody else would do something, I thought to myself, "Elaine, you do something!  Don't curse the darkness -- light a candle!"  I thought maybe I could write something -- perhaps get an article or story published in a magazine.

"I was attracted to an offer I got in the mail from The Institute of Children's Literature shortly after that; I enrolled in their Special Publishing Course and received my diploma from them in 1992.  I tried to enter the magazine market, but with little success.  Life got busy -- grandkids came -- and years passed.  I tucked a story or two away that I wrote for my grandchildren.

"Then in November of 2010 when I gave a copy of my story to my friend Jane for her grandkids, she said I have to write more than just one chapter.  Thus, "Biff and Becka's Springtime Adventures" was born; my first book was released June 4, 2012."

So now you know.  Now I have my "Why."  Becky's question crystallized my focus: I want to help prevent child abuse.  I now see how that undercurrent throughout my first book while aware of the internal force that drove me to write as I did.  I wanted to model a godly home.  I talk about spanking and godly parental training.  I show how a parents' words affect their children, how Biff felt when parents yelled at their kids while playing at his friends' homes, how he struggled to tell the truth if it got Alice in trouble, etc.  I model a godly home for kids to read about, along with the educational, fun and adventure aspects of the book.  I put chapter questions at the end of the book to encourage discussion between parent and child.  I envision my book(s) will help parents and children.

One godly lady wrote me an e-mail this past Sunday and told me she was a victim of child abuse, and said that as a child she read good books that modeled a happy home.  Those books gave her hope as she saw how a happy family ought to be, and she determined to have one someday.  I never even considered that a book would make a difference in the life of an abused child.  I'm so glad it did.  Books are powerful tools God can use to help someone who's hurting.

I asked this lady if she'd give me permission to tell her story if I didn't use her real name, and she replied she'd be honored to have her story told.  I plan to share her story on this blog before long.  I believe it can be healing to write your story and have it told.

If you are such a person, dear reader, you may write me at 8908 Weems Road, Manassas, VA 20110.  I don't need to know your real name, but I can write your story on my blog to let your voice be heard.  If you'd rather e-mail me, write me at elaine@elaineandfriends.com.

If you'd like to order a book for a family you think would benefit from it, go to my website at www.elaineandfriends.com.  God bless and keep you.

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

Haste Makes Waste

Who among us has not experienced the consequences of an impulsive, hasty action?

In recent weeks the Lord began to show me that I tend to be too hasty in taking action on some things, not thinking things through with deliberation or getting advice before I act.  I was dismayed when I realized it.  I began to notice this subtle pattern in my life – not just one, two or three, but in a number of things in the last 2 weeks.   I thank the Lord that He’s brought this to my attention so I could turn to His Word and be changed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

There were a few times in the process of writing my first book where I was hasty.  One such a time was when I didn’t take time to read the manuscript (for the tenth time, it seemed) slowly and deliberately, and it cost me lots of money with the publisher to go back and fix it later. 

Have you made a hasty promise to somebody, including God, and then didn’t keep your word?

Maybe you regret that impulsive e-mail or Face book comment.  You can’t erase what you’ve written.  

Perhaps hasty, thoughtless words blurted in anger strained a relationship or cost you a friendship.  You can’t suck your words back into your mouth.  The ear that heard them can’t just forget them.  Words can minister life or death.   

Then there’s hasty, impulsive buying.  Whether it’s clothes, shoes, gadgets, groceries, a car, a house or any number of things, when we don’t guard our thinking process, we live to regret impulsive buying.   

Oh yes, eating – did I mention eating?  Yes, hasty eating, not thinking about the choices we’re making, is a bad habit.  The results speak for themselves. 

Or maybe you’ve made a hasty business decision you regret, such as co-signing a note for somebody, or going into a business.  Signing with the wrong company, you ended up in a financial hole.

Maybe you’ve hurried to cut up vegetables for dinner and ended up cutting your finger.  Then you had to clean your hand and bandage it before you could resume meal preparation.  The time you tried to save by hurrying ended up hurting you physically (and costing you more time.) 

Any speeders out there?  If you’re always in a hurry, have the “pedal to the metal,” you will likely end up paying a stiff fine, having your license revoked, or landing in jail.  Maybe all three.

Haste makes waste!  That waste includes embarrassment, loss of respect, loss of friendships, strained relationships, troubled finances, physical pain and wasted time.  God’s Word is wisdom for us if we take the time to read and obey it.  I’ve found that the Word of God gets us back on track; reading it and taking it into our hearts changes us.  In light of that truth, here are Proverbs on being hasty:

Proverbs 14:29 (NKJ) “He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly.”

Proverbs 19:2 (NIV) “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”

Proverbs 21:5 (NIV) “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.”

Proverbs 28:20 (NKJ) “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.”

Proverbs 29:20 (NIV) “Do you see a man who speaks in haste?  There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

Ecclesiastes 5:2 (NIV) “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven, and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”

James 1:19 says everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Can God redeem those “hasties” in our lives?  Yes, He can bring something good out of our mistakes if we obey Him.  You have to go back to those you hurt and make amends, stop impulsive buying, eat right, and slow down.  Joy awaits you through applying wisdom from the Scriptures.

So – look before you leap; think before you speak.  God bless you, dear reader!

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy

What Do You Think?

Do you ever think what you’re thinking about?  Isn’t it easy to just be thinking and not realize what we’re really thinking about?  Is it important to be aware of our thoughts?

Thoughts are seeds; they’re all around us – we’re bombarded with them.  All of our behaviors, our society, our world, is the way it is because of thoughts.  Hmm.  And every thought comes from somewhere; do we know the source of the thoughts we’re having?  There are evil, destructive thoughts – thoughts of sickness, death, failure, hatred, poverty, excess, procrastination, you name it.  There are also good thoughts: thoughts of holiness, life, health, prosperity, freedom, kindness, self-control, love, etc.

Have you ever caught yourself re-playing an argument or a negative situation in your head, going ‘round and ‘round and ‘round?  Those thoughts have the power to come into your life and affect your heart rate, your blood pressure, the blush of your skin, how you feel physically.  They can cause tears to surface, cause you to avoid people, and the eyes to react by looking away or down.  They can cause arms to fold in a defensive posture, or the face to contort in rage.  They urge release through the body via the mouth by evil words, yelling, crying, or physical abuse, and even worse – murder.  I believe that when those angry emotions aren’t dealt with in a healthy way by bringing them to Jesus and letting go of them, they are internalized and affect the digestion, blood vessels, organs, bones, and muscles of our body.  

(The statement that guns kill people is not a valid argument for gun control in our country.  Look at Cain and Able in the Garden of Eden; the first family on earth didn’t own a gun, a knife, or any other weapon.  They did have rocks and sticks and their bare hands.  And the curse of sin.  The bottom line is that nurtured, unbridled, hate-filled thoughts kill people.)

Other thoughts calm you down, make your relax, lower your blood pressure, thrill you, encourage you, make you feel peace and joy.  They cause your body to react physically, too: the eyes brighten, you smile, open your arms to embrace, stand a little taller, or dance. These thoughts also prompt release through the body by speech, laughing, singing, doing good deeds, etc.

When we hear of someone suddenly having an extra-marital affair, we’re shocked and wonder how they could do such a thing.  The truth is, my friends, it all started as a seed of thought a long time before the action showed up.  A tiny hidden seed that nobody saw or knew about.  That little seed of desire or discontent with their spouse was allowed to take root and grow by thinking in a “crooked path.”  The owner of that thought did not uproot it by taking authority over it in Jesus’ Name, but rather let it become impregnated in his mind.  It finally grew into an action of infidelity.  Then all hell breaks loose in the lives of those it affects.  That seed of sinful thought then kills, steals and destroys trust in a sacred marriage relationship.

Or take thoughts related to overeating.  We have to learn to uproot and discard thoughts that are not conducive to a healthy lifestyle – thoughts of discouragement, hopelessness, thoughts about how good something would taste. . . You get the picture.  What we’ve been habitually thinking shows up on one’s body, doesn’t it?  Ouch - I stepped on my own toes!  But God can and will help us change our thinking if we humble ourselves and ask for His help.

Those thoughts in your mind have the power to come into the physical realm and shape it – to form your life!  There’s a Scripture in Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) that says “As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

Think about the power of your thoughts; don’t discount them.  They matter!  We must control our thoughts and be mindful what is going through our head each day.  We must think about Jesus and His words.  We must train ourselves to think differently.  Romans 12:2 says it well: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Think about the power of thoughts as you envision how a flower grows from a seed.  You take the seed (accept the thought), plant the seed (give it the right kind of soil and atmosphere), and it sprouts and grows bit by bit with the right growing conditions.  Seed thoughts > actions > habits> destination.

I heard a true story from a minister who said that as a young boy, his parents had a number of pecan trees in their yard.  Nuts would fall to the ground, and seedlings would start to sprout.  It was his job to keep the yard free of these pecan tree seedlings.  He didn’t like to do it, so he waited until they were too high to go unnoticed anymore.  Then when he tried to pull these little seedlings out, the roots were so well established that he had to get a shovel and dig them out!  He learned very quickly that he had to pull them out as soon as they appeared.  

Think about what you’re thinking about, and choose to uproot evil thoughts immediately!  Give no place to the devil!  Let’s choose thoughts that produce life and well-being.  Think on Jesus and the eternal truth that you are declared righteous by God if you have made Him the Lord of your life.  As we think about Jesus and His grace toward us as believers, we are changed to want to think like Him!

If you are not a believer in the Lord Jesus, you don’t have access to His wisdom and help; but that can change right now.  I invite you to humble yourself and admit you need God; ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior from sin.  He will make your spirit alive toward Him and give you eternal life – the life you begin living right now.  God, through the Apostle Paul, says in Romans 10:9-10, “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord’, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”  And again, Ephesians 2:8-9 declares, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” 

~ ~ ~

http://www.elaineandfriends.com/

Copyright © 2012 Elaine Beachy